


It's Not About Your Scars (It's All About Your Heart)

by OnceUponaSwanQueen



Series: All About Your Heart [2]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Curse, Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Snow White | Mary Margaret Blanchard and Emma Swan are Sisters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-18 11:28:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 19
Words: 84,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4704458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnceUponaSwanQueen/pseuds/OnceUponaSwanQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As Emma and Regina get accustomed to their new relationship status, Emma learns that there is more to Regina than she could ever imagine.  As Regina, Mary Margaret and Graham's final semester starts secrets are revealed, love is confessed and sometimes the hardest choices are the ones that matter the most.  (Eventual M rating, and the underage warning is because Emma is 16.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here we are, finally, the sequel to "a mystery without a clue", this story will take place during last part of high school for our seniors and POV will alternate between Regina and Emma. This fic will also be darker than its prequel, and will deal with both emotional and physical child abuse. The chapters in which such abuse take place will be properly tagged with trigger warnings. But this is going to be a general warning for abuse, sexual situations involving minors, and alcohol usage by minors.

Emma could swear the world around her stopped when Regina kissed her. Regina  _kissed_ her. She could swear the world around faded away and suddenly the two of them were all that existed in this world. Emma could barely believe what was happening. The last couple of days had been a whirlwind of emotions. Fiona had broken up with her, and she had been so conflicted about everything that she was feeling. She had liked Fiona, but the feeling that she got when she sat up all night talking to Regina was better than anything else. She had known that whatever she was feeling for Regina had only been enhanced over the past few months.

Regina had gone from being her crush to being her friend, and in that process Emma had learned so much about Regina and about herself that it scared her. It had been easy when Regina had been out of her reach, simply an idea, but as their friendship grew Emma had found herself falling for Regina in a way that she had never felt before. She wouldn’t say she was in love with Regina, but she was certainly headed that way. And now they were here, at the Snow Ball, dancing together to the last song, and Regina had kissed her. Regina had said that she wanted to try. And Emma was so conflicted. In so many ways this was what she had wanted for months, but Emma was wary. Regina had run away after the kiss at Mary Margaret’s birthday, and she had made it very clear that she wasn’t what Emma was looking for. But on the other side, she and Regina had grown closer over the following months. Regina had never shown any negative about Emma being gay, other than her clear distain for, and history with, Fiona. She never got a real explanation on why Regina had run away instead of talking it out, what her history with Fiona really was, or much of her past in general. 

Emma was happy, but she realized that she and Regina needed to talk about this. Talk about everything; the things that led them here, and why Regina had suddenly changed her mind about their relationship. A part of Emma just wanted to enjoy this moment, this perfect moment with Regina. But another part of her realized that they needed to talk. 

“Want to get out of here?” Emma asked. “Go somewhere and talk?”

“You sure?” Regina asked, and Emma could tell the other girl was extremely nervous.

“Yes. I think we need to. Don’t you?” Emma asked. “I'm okay with taking this slow, and I do want this with you,” she added reassuringly. “But we have to talk.”

“You’re right. I owe you a couple of explanations, about a number of things,” Regina said.

“Is Granny’s okay? It’s open all night,” Emma asked. The truth was that the reason why she wanted to go to Granny’s was because the diner, and the apartment above it, was like her second home. It was one of the very few places where Emma felt safe. And while Emma didn’t think Regina would hurt her, she felt like the conversation that they were going to have was going to be heavy, one way or another. And being at Granny’s would help her feel better. 

“Yeah, I guess that’s fine,” Regina answered, a little absent minded. “I’ll drive.”

“Thanks,” Emma said, and gently touched Regina’s arm. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. We’ll figure out where to go next.”

“I know,” Regina answered with a smile. “I guess it’s just all starting to crash down on me.”

“I know how that feels,” Emma said, and remembered back to when all of the pieces had finally made sense to her. Why she couldn’t feel anything for the boys she was dating, why she always felt that tingly feeling when she saw Regina in the halls or on the morning announcements. That moment it all hit her, and she realized that she was gay. She had been terrified, not just how people would react, but what it meant for her and for her future. Realizing you’re gay is like realizing your entire world just changed. Emma had no clue if Regina was gay, or bisexual, or questioning, or something else entirely. But whatever it was, it was clear that Regina was struggling with it; probably had been for a while, and she could tell that it had taken a lot of courage for Regina to make the first, or second in this case, move on Emma. 

Emma had no intention of pushing a label on Regina in any way. She knew that this was something Regina needed to figure out on her own, but it was clear that Regina wanted Emma in her life as something more than a friend. They just needed to figure out what that meant and how to move forward. Emma knew what she wanted, what she had wanted for months. She wanted Regina; she wanted to be with Regina, to love Regina. She wanted the kind of epic love story that television had showed her. She wanted Regina to be her Ashley, to be her Peyton. She wanted everything with this girl in the way that a sixteen year old girl wanted someone else to be her everything. 

“Look, I’m just going to say goodbye to Ruby and tell her where we’re going, just in case something should happen,” Emma said. “I’ll meet you outside in a couple of minutes.”

“Okay,” Regina said, and as she started to walk away she turned around. “Look, all of this is making my head spin. But I meant what I said. I' done running.”

“I know,” Emma said, walking up to her and kissiing her gently on the cheek. “I’ll see you in a couple of minutes. I'm not running anywhere either.” And for the first time since she was adopted, Emma had no intention of running from anyone. Emma had spent her life running, from foster homes, from boys, from friends, and from emotions. Very few people were ever truly allowed into her life, to be let inside her head and her heart. While it’d been years since she physically ran anywhere – she couldn’t dream of leaving her family – for the first time since the adoption papers were signed, she didn’t feel like running away emotionally either. 

She walked over to where Ruby and Peter were standing getting ready to leave, with a huge smile on her face. The band had finished up, and the door was closing in 30 minutes,. 

“Did I just see what I think I saw?” Ruby asked the moment Emma was within earshot of her best friend.

“Depends. What did you see?” Emma asked coyly. 

“You and Regina. Kissing,” Ruby said. “Did that really happen?”

“Yes. Regina kissed me,” Emma said and she couldn’t keep the grin away from her face. She was still so in awe that Regina kissed her. 

“So does that mean she's a lesbian, or bi?” Ruby asked, understandably confused. She had been there with Emma all along. And after the kiss at the birthday party and their following talk, Emma had believed there had been no hope with Regina. This was why she hadn’t told Ruby the truth until Graham’s party. She didn’t want to linger on the hope that there could be something more with Regina. But there she was, hoping that there was going to be something more; more than hoping, facing the very real possibility that there was going to be something more with Regina.

“I don’t know. I'm not sure she knows, but what I do know is that we are going to figure it out together.” Emma could still feel Regina’s lips on hers. The kiss was unlike anything she had ever felt before. Not the first time, not with Fiona, never. It felt right. 

“As in together-together?” Ruby asked.

“I hope so,” Emma answered. “But I was just coming to say goodbye. Regina and I are going to go to Granny’s and talk. I just wanted you know where I disappeared to.”

“And tell people you were with me if someone asks?” Ruby asked.

“Would you? I have no idea how long it will be, and I told MM that you or Peter were driving me home.”

“Just text me when you know something more; _anything_ ,” Ruby said, and winked. “We’ll make a battle plan.” 

“Thanks, Rubes. I love you,” Emma said and hugged her best friend. 

“I love you too, Em.” 

\--

The car ride to Granny’s was silent, but not uncomfortably so. Their relationship might have been changing, but their dynamic remained the same. Emma had always found it strange how she and Regina could sit in silence without it being uncomfortable. It was like they understood each other on a whole other level. It had been that way since the beginning, and Emma was grateful that it didn’t seem to change as their relationship moved into a new territory. No matter what tonight brought, Emma knew that going back was impossible. The door that Emma believed had been bolted shut had now been opened, and she wasn’t sure what she would do if Regina tried to close it again. She wasn’t sure she could, even if she tried. It had been hard enough the first time.

The two girls walked into Granny’s and Emma could see that it was Gus that was working the night shift. She was glad. She liked Gus and as far as she could tell he liked her. He was a couple of years older than her and Ruby, having graduated the year before, and had worked at Granny’s for years. 

“Hi, Emma,” Gus said as the girls entered.

“Hi, Gus. Is the booth in the corner empty?” Emma asked. That booth was the furthest away from the door, and usually pretty quiet. Emma didn’t expect a bunch of people to come through at this time of night, but she figured Regina would want the privacy anyway. 

“We’re pretty dead tonight.” He gestured to the mostly empty restaurant. The only people who were there was doctor Emma recognized from the hospital, and a couple of college kids home for Christmas. “So you guys just make yourself comfortable, and I’ll be over in a second. You going to need menus?” Emma knew he asked mostly for Regina’s benefit. Emma hadn’t had to look at the menu for Granny’s in years. 

“No. I’m good,” Regina said as soon as she realized that the question was directed at her.

“Thanks, Gus,” Emma said and the two girls walked towards the corner booth. Emma sat down on one side, and Regina sat on the other. 

“I don’t even know where to start,” Regina said.

“Let’s just order something first,” Emma said as she was removing her coat and scarf. The diner was hot, and it was a stark contrast to the cold outside. Emma loved winter. She loved the snow, she loved the cold, and she loved coming into the warmth after being out in the cold. “Do you have to be home soon?”

“No. Mother is gone until Monday. And Dad won’t be home until the 23rd,” Regina said. “No one is waiting for me.”

Emma had noticed that Regina spent a rather large amount of time alone. Emma had never been to the Mills Mansion, but she had seen it from the road. It was a huge estate, with separate stables and the main house was enormous. It was probably the biggest of the five large mansions in this town. Emma couldn’t imagine how it would feel to be all alone in that house. 

“Then we have all night. We can take it slow. No need to rush anything.” Emma said with a smile.

“What about you? Won’t your dad miss you if you don’t come home?”

“I’ll tell him I’m staying with Ruby,” Emma said. “It wouldn’t be anything new. And since school is out there is no reason for me to come home early. We can stay as long as you need us to.” 

Just as Regina was above to say something, Gus came to take their orders; Emma could tell that Regina still needed some time to figure out where to start and what to say. “So, girls, what will it be tonight?”

“I’ll just take an order of fries and some cocoa with cinnamon,” Emma said.

“Got it. And for you?” Gus turned to Regina.

“Uhm, I’ll have a black coffee and some pancakes,” Regina said.

“You got it.” Gus wrote down their orders and left the girls alone.

“Emma…” Regina started, “there are so many stories you need to hear to understand how I acted these past few months…”

“And the only thing I really need to know is do you want this?” Emma said and gestured to the two of them. “Because I'm not sure I could go back now. Not after you kissed me.”

“I do.” Regina said, “I mean I'm scared. I 'm more than scared; I’m terrified about so many things.”

“What are you so afraid of?” Emma asked, despite being pretty sure she knew the answer. 

“Everything. How people will feel about this, that mother will find out, that I am going to destroy you.” The last part was said barely above a whisper.

“Why would you destroy me?” 

“I don’t know how to love very well,” Regina answered honestly. “I've never been very good at it. I push people away. I always have.”

“Regina, I have abandonment issues you could see from the moon. I was tossed around and kicked out from countless foster homes before I came here. I'm not without fault either. But we are who we are,” Emma said. “And at some point we need to face that fact, and we need to own it. No one can tell you who you are or what to do.” 

“I’m not sure who I am anymore.” 

Emma reached across the table and took Regina’s hand, “You’re Regina Mills. You have excellent management skills, you cry at the Lion King, you would make a mad dominatrix if you wanted.” Regina laughed, “You’re a better friend than you know.”

“Thank you.”

“But can I ask? Is this…” she gestured to the two of them, “why you and Graham didn’t work? Are you gay?”

“I don’t know,” Regina paused. “No, that’s not true. I do know. I’ve known for a very long time. And I've been fighting it for so many years. I've tried so desperately to be what is expected of me. I'm student body president, I'm editor of the school paper, I take all the AP classes, I got early acceptance to UPenn, and I got an SAT score of 2350. But the one thing I can't change is going to be the only thing that matters if mother finds out.”

“You got into UPenn? That’s amazing, Regina,” Emma said, choosing to focus on that part of the sentence. “MM got offered a place there but she chose to go to Thomas.”

“Your sister chose Thomas over UPenn?” Regina asked, and Emma could tell that Regina was surprised. After all, UPenn was an Ivy League University, Thomas was not. 

“Well, Thomas offered her a full scholarship while UPenn only offered a partial one,” Emma said. “Technically, it shouldn’t have to matter for her as her mother set up a college fund when she was a kid. She could go anywhere she wanted…”

“But you can’t?” Regina guessed. Emma hadn’t shared that much about her background with Regina, but enough that Regina could make that assumption. 

“I'm not going to get a scholarship. College is expensive, and dad doesn’t make that kind of money. The reason why we have money is because of Eva. Her family was rich – is rich. And I'm sure that if she were still here I would have a college fund as well, but as it stands right now, I have some but not enough for four years. I don’t want MM to give up UPenn for me, but she insists that Thomas is the better fit.”

“You have an amazing family, Emma Swan-Blanchard. You should be proud,” Regina said sadly. “They seem to really love you.”

“They do,” Emma said. “And you deserve that same love Regina.” Emma tried to broach that part of the conversation again. She had a feeling that Regina had so much she needed to say, so many things that she had never told anyone else. 

“I'm not sure what I deserve,” Regina said. “But I know that I need to tell you some things. Because I want to try to be with you. And for that to happen, you need to know why I reacted the way I did when you kissed me.”

“Look, I don’t need to know more than you want to tell me. But if you want to be with me, I want to be with you. I've wanted to be with you for months. I tried to tell myself that I didn’t want to be with you, that being friends was all I needed. But when you kissed me I realized that I've been lying to myself since that night at the party. Because I am falling for you, Regina Mills, and I have been for a long time. I don’t expect you to feel like I do, but I want you to know that I am all in,” Emma said.

“You deserve to know why I acted the way I did. What really happened between me and Fiona, and why things went down the way they did with Graham. You’re important, Emma. And I think I'm finally ready to tell someone.”

“Okay then…” Emma said with a smile. “Tell me your story, Regina Mills.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Regina takes us on a rollercoaster trip of memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: This chapter will be told in a series of flashbacks. It was either this or just having a chapter in which Regina just talks all the way through about what happened. Trigger warning for homophobic slurs. Also this is honest to god 7k of backstory. I'm sorry, but I needed them

“So, I am going to have to start this story at the beginning,” Regina said nervously. She had never told this story to anyone. The only people who knew were the ones who were part of it and even they only knew the parts in which they were featured. Telling Emma this would open her up to a new kind of honesty that she had never had with anyone, but she knew that if she were to take this chance – try to be with Emma in the way she so desperately wanted – she needed to tell this story. And for some reason, she felt safe with Emma. She had always felt safe with Emma; it was like she could see her in a way no one had ever done before. 

“I assume you already know that Fiona and I grew up together…” 

“Yeah, Mary Margaret told me you used to be inseparable. Fiona told me about the Golden Five, but no one has told me what happened.”

“No one knows. Well, no one other than Fiona and me,” Regina said. “And this story won’t paint me in a good light. I hope that after you hear it, you still want to be with me.”

“Regina, nothing you’ve done could change my mind about this.” 

“I hope that’s true…” Regina took a breath before continuing, “So this whole thing started the summer before sophomore year…”

_Fiona and Regina were on their way back from the beach._ _It had been one of the hottest summers in Storybrooke history and the two of them had spent practically all summer at the beach. But today had been different, Regina could tell that Fiona had been trying to tell her something all day but had been unable to do so._

_Over the past couple of weeks Regina had been noticing a change in her best friend, and she was almost certain that Fiona was dating someone. What Regina couldn’t understand however was why Fiona hadn’t told her. They told each other pretty much everything. So, as they put their bags down on the floor in the Moreno foyer, Regina couldn’t help herself. “Are you seeing someone? Is that why you’ve been so weird today?”_

“ _Subtlety is not your strong suit is it, Gina?” Fiona said, and Regina almost flinched at the nickname. Fiona only used it when they were fighting or when she was trying to start something._

“ _You know I hate that nickname, and you only use it when you want to distract me,” Regina said. “But it’s not going to work Moreno. I’m your best friend and whatever you’re trying to keep from me, just stop!”_

_Regina wasn’t sure how this turned into an argument. She could see that Fiona had been dying to tell her whatever it was she had on her mind, and now instead of talking excitedly about whatever it was that Fiona was keeping from her they were arguing; something that also had become more and more frequent in their interactions. Regina could tell that Fiona was pulling away from her, and it terrified her. Fiona was the only one left. Graham was mostly hanging out with David and Kathryn, Michael had pretty much disappeared and Karl, or Killian Regina supposed, had gone a completely different way. She was terrified of losing Fiona as well._

“ _I’m sorry,” Fiona and Regina said at the same time. “I’m sorry things are becoming complicated between us,” Fiona added_

“ _They don’t have to be,” Regina added. “I just want to know what’s going on with you.”_

“ _Look, this is hard for me, Regina,” Fiona said. “Can we like, go up to my room or something?”_

_Regina nodded and followed Fiona up to her room. Regina had also noticed a change in Fiona’s room, the posters of Orlando Bloom and Taylor Lautner had been taken down, the décor had become more simplistic and the flower curtains had been exchanged for simple dark red ones. It was like her room had grown up as drastically as the girl herself._

“ _So, what’s the big deal?” Regina asked as the two girls settled on the bed._

“ _So, you were right. I have been seeing someone,” Fiona finally admitted._

“ _Okay, but unless it’s Robert McGregor, I don’t see why that is making you so nervous,” Regina said, Robert McGregor being the asshole that had dumped Regina two days before summer vacation because he didn’t want to start high school with a girlfriend. It wasn’t like Regina actually really liked Robert all that much, but it was just the rejection that had hurt. Regina Mills was not a girl that was especially used to rejection. “It isn’t Robert, is it?”_

“ _No. It’s definitely not Robert,” Fiona said, and Regina could feel the nervousness radiating from her best friend. “Fuck, why is this so hard?”_

“ _Just tell me,” Regina said, and she was starting to get an inkling of what Fiona was trying to tell her._

“ _I’m-seeing-Katie-McAdams,” Fiona said, the words coming out in one jumble, no spaces or breaths. Just the statement. “I think I’m gay.”_

“You freaked out, didn’t you?” Emma broke into the story and Regina was almost glad for the interruption. Going back to that moment had been harder than she imagined. It seemed so long ago, and so much had changed since that day. There was still so much more to tell.

“To be honest, I didn’t even care. But my mother, my mother was a whole different matter. My mother is of a particular mindset that people have a certain standard to uphold to. When Fiona came out, she no longer fulfilled those standards in my mother's opinion and banned me from seeing her,” Regina said, and remembered the fight she had had with Cora after her mother had found out. Cora had been livid. Regina had never seen her that angry, and she knew that the only choice she had in the matter was to listen to her mother.

“She banned you from seeing her?” Emma asked, and Regina could tell that Emma didn't understand the kind of influence Cora had on Regina, or what the consequences for disobeying her would be. Consequences Regina had no intent to reveal to Emma; not tonight, not ever. Regina knew her mother loved her, she just showed it differently. 

“I didn't want to stop. Fiona was my best friend. She’d always been my best friend.” Regina smiled sadly. “But I knew there was no reasoning with my mother, so I did. I shut her out, started to ignore her. The only problem was that Fiona knew that there was something wrong, so one day she tracked me down...”

_It had been over two weeks since Regina had last talked to Fiona and the separation was killing her. She missed her best friend every day, but she also knew it was for the best. Going up against her mother was not something she was willing to do, not even for Fiona. Regina didn't know how but she knew that if she continued to hang out with Fiona, her mother would somehow find out._

_She'd spent the past two weeks immersing herself in her school work. Sophomore year had been harder than freshman year. Her mother was pressuring her into thinking about her future, and to think about going to law school. She didn't have time for Fiona anyway. At least that was what she tried to tell herself._

_Regina was so far lost in her thoughts that she didn't see Fiona before it was too late. The other girl had already seen her and Regina knew she was going to confront her for ignoring her._

“ _What’s your deal, Regina?” Fiona asked, as she marched up to the other girl. “I’ve been calling and texting for two weeks and not a word. If it wasn't for Graham I would’ve thought you'd died.”_

“ _I've just been busy,” Regina said, and it wasn't as if it was a lie. She had been busy. Busy avoiding Fiona._

“ _You've always been busy, Regina,” Fiona answered. “But you used to make time for me.”_

_Regina could feel the stabbing in her heart at the betrayed look on Fiona's face. Maybe it would have been easier if she had done this when Fiona told her, but no. Regina really had no problem with Fiona being gay, and had told her so. She even hung out with her Katie on some occasions. So she was a little conflicted inside. Fiona's coming out had started some ideas in her head she just wasn't willing to deal with. Some feelings that she certainly couldn't have, so she ignored them. It turned out she was pretty good at ignoring things she was unwilling to deal with._

“ _It's different now,” Regina tried to find out a plausible lie. “You have Katie.”_

“ _Is this what this is about? Are you jealous of Katie?”_

“ _No.” Regina almost wished it was because of that. In some ways that would make it easier, simpler, if this had been her choice; if staying away from Fiona had been something she wanted to do, instead of something she needed to do. But the truth was Regina was happy that Fiona had Katie, that she had found someone to be brave with._

“ _Then why have you been avoiding me ever since school started back up?” Regina could hear the desperation in Fiona's voice, and for a second she almost changed her mind; for a second the idea of going against her mother's wishes didn't seem like such a terrible thing if doing so would make Fiona happy._

“ _Look, I'm...” Regina started, and then a memory of last Christmas flashed in her mind, of an angry Cora and a pain that lasted for days and she remembered what she had to do. Cut Fiona out of her life. There was no other solution to this._

“ _Look, I just don't want to be friends with a dyke.” Regina regretted the words as soon as they came out of her mouth, but she couldn't apologize for them because Fiona would forgive her, and the last thing Regina wanted was for Fiona to forgive her. The words hadn't been planned, but the look on Fiona's face told Regina that had the required effect._

“ _Well, I guess that's it then,” Fiona said through gritted teeth. “I'll see you around, Mills.” And just like that the most important relationship in Regina Mills' life was over._

The guilt on Regina's face transferred over to the present day and she was terrified of looking up, terrified of what she had called Fiona, terrified that was the end of her budding relationship with Emma. So much of her life could be traced back to that moment. Everything changed that day. She didn't just end her relationship with her best friend, the Regina Mills that had existed up until that day was gone. She was buried in harsh words and painful memories. And no one saw her until Emma Swan-Blanchard walked into Regina's life and turned everything upside down. She had known it the moment she laid eyes on her. Emma Swan-Blanchard was different, so unlike anyone that Regina had ever met. 

“You were scared,” Emma stated more than asked, and tore Regina out of her trace. “You were scared of how you were feeling.”

“Yes,” Regina said. “I think so. I didn't know it at the time. I was worried about defying my mother, and didn't think about it anymore. I was jealous of Katie, but not because I was in love with Fiona. I was jealous of both them.”

“Because they were brave?” Emma asked, and Regina was again surprised over how much the younger girl knew her. 

“They knew what they wanted, and they grabbed it,” Regina admitted. “I always wished I was strong enough to do that.” 

“So that's the story that has been such a mystery to everyone?” Emma asked. “I have to say I was expecting something more.”

Regina smiled. “I’m afraid, Ms. Swan-Blanchard, this is only the beginning.”

Gus came back with their orders. “Sorry for the wait girls, I accidentally burned the first batch of pancakes.”

“Sure, Gus,” Emma said with a wink.

“Is there anything else I can get you?” 

“No, I think we're good Gus,” Emma said and gave Regina a look that pretty much said that she was okay with whatever Regina had done in the past. That she was okay with what Regina had called Fiona. 

“How can you just be okay with this?” Regina asked as soon as Gus left.

“Look, I've been called a lot of things and I have called other kids a lot of cruel stuff as a means of survival,” Emma admitted. “My childhood, my life before coming here was no fairytale. It was ugly.”

“I'm sorry,” Regina said, not knowing what else to say.

“It wasn't your fault. It was no one's fault. Well, other than my parents who abandoned me on the side of a road,” Emma said, and Regina could tell that Emma still held a lot of anger towards her birth parents for leaving her behind. “But the thing is, it taught me that life is cruel. And it can be ugly. And the things you say when you see no other way out aren’t who you are. You're not homophobic, Regina. Not anymore. I can't say to what you felt back then, but you never made me feel ashamed of who I am.”

“I hated the world,” Regina confessed. “And myself. But never Fiona.” 

“I know,” Emma said. “I think I could tell that whatever it was that was between you, all the fire and anger, there was feeling there. And the line between love and hate is very thin. But I could always tell there was so much more to the story than either one of you were willing to share with me.” 

“And I’m afraid the story isn't over yet,” Regina said. She had made a decision to tell Emma everything. All of it. It was all or nothing. She knew that. If that summer had taught her anything it was that she needed to open up to someone. And Emma seemed like that person, that impossible blonde girl who somehow wormed her way into Regina's life with smiles and Disney movies. Who somehow knows her better than the people who had known her her whole life. 

“This is going to take all night isn't it?” Emma joked. “I better text Ruby.”

Regina watched as Emma sent of a quick text to her best friend and awaited an answer.

“Everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I just need some place to crash,” Emma said. “No problem.” Emma's phone buzzed, and Emma smiled. 

“It pays off being best friends with someone whose family owns a B&B” Emma said, and waved Gus over.

“Thought you didn't need anything else?” Gus said as he approached the girls, having barely left in the first place

“Snappy.” Emma joked back, “Ruby just texted me and said that 17 is being painted tomorrow and I could stay there tonight.” Emma showed Gus the text. “Could I get the key?”

“Just one?” Gus asked, “You gonna be staying alone.”

“Yes, Gus,” Emma said. “I’m not using Granny's place as somewhere to hook up with all the pretty ladies.”

“I know,” Gus said. “You're a good girl.” 

Emma stuck out her tongue as Gus walked away. “He can be such an ass sometimes,” Emma said. “But he’s a good guy when it comes down to it.”

“You stay here a lot?” Regina asked.

“No...” Emma started, “I mean yes. I usually stay with Ruby in the apartment, but sometimes Granny will lend me a room if I just need some place to be alone for a while or Mary Margaret is throwing a party I don't feel like going to. But the point is, I’m set to hear the rest of your story. Whatever it may be.”

“So, about a year after the incident had passed we got a new stable hand. Her name was Dani.”

“She the girl?” Emma asked

“The girl?” Regina asked, confused. “What girl?”

“The girl who made you realize you weren't straight?” Emma said.

“I guess she was. I mean, I think I started to suspect with Fiona. But I just put the idea so far back in my head that it died. But then Dani was there and I was lost...” 

_It was the summer between sophomore and junior year_ .  _School had ended two weeks prior and sophomore year had been nothing like Regina had imagined. She was alone most of the time, working hard on everything and missing Fiona. She had been alone. Last year she and Fiona had been new fish in the sea, small but there. This year it was different; Regina had become invisible, despite trying her best not to be – running for student council, joining all the clubs, keeping busy – but she wasn't noticeable. Not yet. But Fiona, Fiona was a different case all together. Fiona was climbing the social latter as Regina had expected her to, always with Katie by her side. They were inseparable and Regina was happy about that._

_But now it was summer. The first summer that wasn't going to be spent at the beach with Fiona, gossiping and drinking smoothies. She had tried to reconnect with Graham and Killian, and she and Graham were friends, tentatively. They were finding their way back, finding out how they fit. But he was Graham, he was a guy and he wasn't interested in hanging at the beach. He was playing soccer with the guys and that one girl that Regina knew she shared a couple of classes with but whose name escaped her. Regina had seen her play, she was better than most of the boys._

_Regina had planned on volunteering, building houses for habitat for humanity, but her mother had nixed the idea. No Mills would be caught dead building houses like some sort of peasant. Her mother had actually used the word peasant as if they were 19_ _th_ _century royalty. So now she was stuck without plans for the summer. Instead of building houses or hanging out at the beach, she was spending most of her time in the stables. She liked helping out when she knew her mother wouldn't come around. Regina, much to her surprise, liked the hard work of the stables. She liked feeling like she was contributing. It was why she had wanted to build houses in the first place. She wanted to help people._

_But one day, there was a new girl there. She introduced herself as Dani, and she was a bona fide cowboy, the plaid and the hat and everything. She was also probably one of the most beautiful human beings Regina had ever laid eyes on. And she happened to be their new stable girl. The horses loved her, even Rocinante who hated everyone but Regina on pure principle it seemed at times._

_As the summer went on, the two girls grew a friendship, something completely new to Regina. It was so different than what she had with Fiona, more intense and charged, like there was some current running through it, a spark waiting to be ignited._

_And one night, in late July, the spark turned into fire. It was hot, one of the hottest days of the year and Regina had taken Rocinante out to the lake to cool down. But when she got there she was not alone._

“ _Dani?” Regina asked, as she saw the other woman. “I thought you had today off. Weren't you going to the city?”_

“ _Plans changed,” Dani said, and smirked. “Figured I take a dip instead. The heat is killing me.”_

_Dani stripped out of her clothes, leaving her only in her bikini, and Regina couldn't take her eyes of her. She was beautiful; Regina knew that, she had known that from the moment she met her. But this was something else. Dani in that bikini was like a work of art._

“ _Like what you see?” Dani winked, and Regina was mortified. She knew she had been staring, but her brain hadn't caught up with what that meant. Not really. She’d had this tugging feeling all summer, that there was something right in front of her, something big, something just out of reach._

“ _Uhm, I mean...” Regina stuttered._

“ _Relax,” Dani said. “Come on. Join me.”_

_Dani jumped in the water, and Regina stripped down to her suit. Her mind was scrambled, and she wasn't sure what was going on. But still, a part of her realized that this was going to be one of those moments, one that changed her life. In what ways remained to be seen, but she could feel it in the air. Regina jumped in and swam over to where Dani was._

“ _What are you so scared of?” Dani asked her after a couple of moments of awkward silence, the air was heavy between them, and Regina was replaying every single interaction she had had with the other girl over the past weeks. Every word. Every touch. All the pieces just falling in to place._

“ _I don't know,” Regina said, honestly. “Everything.”_

“ _There’s nothing to be afraid of, Regina,” Dani said, and for a moment Regina believed her. That this, whatever it was, was nothing to worry about. They were just two girls, swimming in the lake, like she and Fiona had done before they'd gotten too old and preferred the beach instead of the lake on the Mills property._

_Regina could feel Dani closing in. “What are you doing?”_

“ _Relax, Regina. If you want me to stop just say the word, I'll get out and walk away and we never need to talk about it. But if you want me to kiss you, I will. All you have to do is say the word.”_

_The seconds before the kiss felt like forever for Regina, like it was a lifetime of waiting. A part of her wanted to say stop, to walk away and ignore the feelings that had been growing inside her all summer. But a bigger part desperately wanted Dani to kiss her; to see how it felt to kiss a girl, to know if these feelings were just because she was missing Fiona, because she was projecting those feelings onto something else. She wanted to know. But more than that, she needed to know._

_As their lips touched Regina felt like the entire world suddenly became brighter, like she had been living her life in black and white and she could suddenly see colors. It made sense for the first time in her life._

“ _Wow,” Regina breathed as the two of them broke apart. “That was...”_

“ _Was that your first?” Dani asked. “With a girl?”_

“ _Yeah,” Regina said, still a little lost in the euphoria of the kiss. She had kissed plenty of guys before. She was Regina Mills, she was smart and she was objectively good looking. But that kiss it was something else. It was like she finally understood the deal with kissing, and it wasn't just because it was a girl. It was because it was with Dani. When Dani kissed her, Regina had realized something she had tried too hard to deny; she was falling in love with her. Regina Mills was falling in love with a girl_. 

“So what happened?” Emma asked.

“I don't know.” Regina answered honestly, “the rest of the summer passed in a blur. We met in the stables after dark, or I would take Rocinante up to this hill at the end of our property and I would meet her there, and we would just spend hours together. Kissing, talking, falling in love.”

“And then what?”

“Nothing. One day there was just nothing,” Regina said. “I asked mother about it, and she said that Dani was no longer needed. The only time I ever heard from her was a note I found in the stables telling me that what had happened was a mistake and she should never have taken advantage of me like that.”

Just the memory was enough to make Regina tear up. “I always suspected my mother found out and did something. Paid her off. Something. But she never said anything to me.”

“Your mother would do that?”

“I have learned that there is little in this world my mother will not do to get her way,” Regina said. “My mother has fought hard to get to the position she is today and she will do everything in her power to keep it.”

“So that's it then? The entire journey of Regina Mills, you fell in love with a girl that disappeared and that was that?” Emma asked. “You went back to boys like nothing happened?”

“No. It's more complicated than that,” Regina said. “To begin with, I was terrified my mother had found out. After the way she reacted when Fiona came out I was sure that I was on the first flight to conversation therapy somewhere far away and that there was a possibility I would never see Storybrooke again. But nothing happened. Mother went on like she always had, and I was still here. Then I found the note. I was heartbroken. Nothing had ever felt like that before. It was like Dani just spit on everything we had. I loved her, and I believed that she loved me. It was intense and it was beautiful and Dani turned it all into a lie.”

“So what did you do?” 

“The only logical thing. I went to a party and got black out drunk....”

_Regina was still in a haze when she walked to the Moreno house. Dani was gone and she felt like the summer had been a huge mistake. She didn't know much, but she knew she needed to get drunk. The fact that it was Fiona who was hosting the party barely registered with her, the only thing that mattered was that she knew where it was._

_The party was already in full swing when Regina got there. Regina would never stop being impressed by the way teenagers could get drunk when the opportunity arose. An opportunity Regina Mills had every intention of taking advantage of. She looked around the room to see if there was anyone there she recognized. She could see Killian in the corner, which surprised her; she didn't really think this was his scene anymore. When she saw that he was flirting with Aurora Sharpe, it made more sense. Regina only shook her head. Aurora was so out of his league that he should just give up. She had thought that Graham would be there but so far she couldn't see him. She could see a couple of guys he played soccer with, as well as the girl whose name she still couldn't remember. She looked quite different dressed up, like she could have been born into the same life as Regina._

_Regina made a beeline for the kitchen. It still felt weird being in the house. She hadn't been in the Moreno house in almost exactly a year. Since that day Fiona told her about Katie. The house felt different, and Regina realized why. It didn't feel like home anymore. The Moreno house had always felt more like home than her own home had ever had. It didn't anymore. And that hit Regina hard. She really needed to find a drink. Thankfully, someone had left a bottle of vodka on the counter in the kitchen. There was a reason people swanned to the parties that Fiona, Graham and Killian held. The “Mansion” Parties, as people had dubbed them, always had tons of free alcohol flowing. Regina guessed that it would have been the same if she ever had a party. Not that that was a likely happenstance. Regina liked her life just fine, and she would prefer to be alive for a while longer._

_She took the entire bottle, and she had no intentions of sharing it with anyone. It's not like it was a full bottle. She took a drink and the alcohol burned down her throat. She took another, and another. Three chugs of vodka straight down. She was already feeling better. She needed to be numb dammit._

_The next hour went by in a blur. There was music and there was dancing. There was also more vodka. Each shot made her feel better. “Screw Dani,” she muttered to herself. “I didn't even like her.” As the evening progressed, she was starting to believe it. Well, almost._

_Regina heard someone say her name, and turned around to face Fiona. “Fiona...”_

“ _What are you doing here?” Fiona asked, her tone more civil than what Regina had expected of her._

“ _What does it look like?” Regina asked, and held up the now mostly empty vodka bottle. “getting wasted.”_

“ _Regina...” Fiona said, almost worried. “You never drink.”_

“ _I do tonight,” Regina said, defensive. Where did Fiona think she was coming from, being all worried about her? Regina could handle her own. She didn't need Fiona anymore. Not even a little bit. And she certainly didn't miss her._

“ _Come on,” Fiona said, and dragged Regina over to the couch. Regina could tell that Fiona wasn't sober either, which probably explained why she was talking to her in the first place. Alcohol does wonders for former best friends._

“ _So where is your better half tonight?” Regina asked. She was unable to see Katie anywhere._

“ _We broke up.”_

“ _Really?” Regina asked, actually worried. She had built this idea of Katie and Fiona in her head, as this untouchable entity almost. And that as long as they stayed together, Regina didn't have to worry about Fiona. She was safe. She was happy._

“ _Yeah. We've been fighting for a while. Things haven't felt right.”_

“ _So you're as messed up as I am right now?” Regina asked, and looked at her friend for the first time in a year. Really looked at her. She looked older, the way she dressed, the way her hair was styled, even the way she talked. She seemed like a person Regina didn't even know anymore. Maybe she didn't. Maybe she never really had._

_Regina couldn't tell what happened next, she didn't remember. It didn't really matter, she just knew that somehow the two of them had made their way up to Fiona's room and were now making out heavily against the door. Fiona moved down and kissed Regina's neck, and Regina felt a shiver go down her body. She heard Fiona moan, and she had never felt this flushed in her entire life. She wanted more. She needed more._

_Regina knew that no matter what happened next; she could blame it on the alcohol, she could blame it on whatever she wanted. But the truth was that, in that moment, she knew exactly what she was doing. They moved across the room, their mouths never leaving each other. Hands everywhere. Regina pushed Fiona down on the bed, and kissed her intensely. “Please.”_

“ _Regina...” Fiona moaned as pulled Regina down on top of her. Regina felt a shiver go through her body. Everything was heightened, like when she kissed Dani for the first time, just even more. The way Fiona felt against her body was everything in that moment._

“ _I want this,” Regina said. “I need this.” And maybe she did. She felt like she did, that she needed to disappear into someone else. To not think anymore. Not about Dani, not about her mother. Not anything. Certainly not about what all of this meant. Regina pulled her dress off over the top of her head, and thanked the gods she was wearing matching underwear. She didn't know why it mattered; it just felt like it did._

_She just wanted to be in this moment. Right now. The way Fiona moved felt like magic, the way she somehow knew Regina's body. Regina barely registered when Fiona removed her own dress. She knew she should stop this. She knew Fiona was trying to forget Katie as much as she was trying to forget Dani. Maybe that's why she did it, because she knew that it wasn't about being in love or anything cheesy like that. It was about release. And Regina needed that. She needed something._

_Fiona moved down her body, kissing her way down. She looked up in Regina's eyes, and Regina knew this was it. If she was going to back out, it was now. They'd made out, they were half-naked, it was fine. But if Fiona went further now, that was it. The point of no return. So when Fiona made a gesture that indicated ‘Should I go on?’ Regina only nodded. She wanted this. She wanted this so badly._

“I get the picture,” Emma broke in. 

“Sorry. I just...” Regina said, blushing. She had gotten so lost in the details, in wanting to tell Emma the truth, that she'd forgotten the simplest thing is sometimes the best; where she hadn't explained how Fiona had felt or what she was doing. A simple, “I somehow ended up in bed with Fiona,” would probably have been the best for this situation.

“Whatever,” Emma said, obviously slightly embarrassed. “So what happened?”

“The next morning I woke up next to Fiona...”

_Regina stirred from slumber and she looked around, temporarily confused at her surroundings before she realized where she was. She looked to her left and saw Fiona sleeping next to her. Everything that had happened the night before came crashing down on her. She had slept with Fiona. She had lost her virginity to a girl. A girl who used to be her best friend. What had she done? What did it mean?_

_Regina tried to get out of bed without waking Fiona, but with no luck._

“ _Regina?” Fiona asked. She looked as torn up about what had happened last night as Regina felt. It had felt like something she needed at the time, but right now it felt like her world had fallen apart. Everything she believed was gone._

“ _I don't want to talk about it.”_

“ _I think we need to,” Fiona said. “Look. It doesn't have to mean anything. I don't expect you to confess your undying love for me. But we have to talk.”_

“ _No, we don't. I was drunk,” Regina said. “It doesn't matter. Nothing happened.”_

“ _Regina.” Fiona said again. “Something very obviously happened.” She gestured to the bed._

“ _No. It didn't,” Regina said, more forceful. “And if you tell anyone, I will destroy you.”_

“ _Regina, please. It doesn't have to be like this. You need to talk to someone.”_

“ _No,” Regina repeated. “I will destroy you. You have no idea what I’m capable of.”_

_Regina was reaching, she knew she was, but she needed last night to disappear into the darkness. No could ever know. It was just a fluke anyway._

“ _I'm not like you,” Regina said. “I'm not a filthy...” the word was at the tip of her tongue. The word that had destroyed their friendship. That had changed everything. She had used it once. It would be easy enough to do it again, but she couldn't. Something stopped her._

“ _A filthy what, Regina?” Regina could tell that the calm and understanding Fiona that had been there just a second ago was gone. Little did she know that it would take years before she encountered that Fiona again. Little did she know that this moment was going to define the two of them for years. It would fuel fights and disdainful looks. It would lead to smack downs and memories thrown in her face. It would define her in ways she couldn't have imagined at the time._

“ _A whore,” Regina said. “I'm not a filthy lesbian whore like you.”_

Regina drew a breath and looked at Emma. That was it. All of it. All of Regina's dirty laundry out in the open. The way she treated her best friend. How she fell in love. How she ruined it all. How her fear controlled her every step of the way.

“Then what?” Emma asked

“I left. I walked out,” Regina answered. “She never said anything about it again. Until Graham's party. When the two of you hooked up. She threw it back in my face. I deserved it. But I wasn't ready to admit that then. I had painted Fiona as the villain of the piece, despite the fact that I knew it was me. Fiona didn't force me into anything. The only thing she ever was was honest, and I took advantage of that. I was wrong.”

“Look, I’m not going to tell you that what you did was okay. I’m not going to say it was wrong either. Messed up certainly,” Emma smiled. “The irony of all of this is that I hooked up with Fiona to forget you. I went to that party, I got drunk and I made out with Fiona because I wanted to get you out of my head. I didn't know that in doing so, I would suddenly be in the middle of a very gay soap opera.” Regina laughed. “Or some sort of messed up origin story,” Emma added. “But the truth is, I don't care what happened with you and Fiona. Because it doesn't matter. You're here now. With me.”

“I am,” Regina said, and squeezed Emma's hand. She hadn't let go of them through that whole thing. 

“But I still don't get where Graham fits into all of this. I mean, you said you were still building a friendship. But you dated him, for months,” Emma said. “You broke his heart.”

“I know. It's complicated. All of this is complicated and messed up and I wouldn't blame you if you ran the other way.”

“Hey,” Emma said. “I'm all in. So tell me the rest.”

“When I got home, my mother was there. Something that wasn't all that unusual back then. But it still shook me. I had just lost my virginity, to a girl.” Regina paused. “I was ashamed, I admit that. I was terrified that mother would somehow know. Maybe she did. She made some snide comment about Fiona and how I promised to stay away from people like her. I freaked.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn't want to be gay, Emma. I couldn't be. I convinced myself that the summer with Dani was a lie, that she had taken advantage of me, that I was vulnerable because of Fiona. And the sex? I was drunk, it didn't count. I was in such a deep state of denial that I could have stayed there for the rest of my life. Within two weeks of that party, I was dating Graham. And he was wonderful to me.”

Regina paused, and took a breath. “Graham was amazing. I wanted so desperately to be able to love him. He was good to me. He loved me. I loved him. I just couldn't be in love with him. I knew that, but I still kept him hanging on. I never should have done it.”

“So why did you?”

“Because he loved me,” Regina said. “And I desperately wanted to be loved.”

“So why did you break up?”

“That's not my story to tell, not completely anyway.,” Regina said, and maybe that was the truth. Regina wasn't sure anymore. Graham had been her knight, but telling Emma what had happened that night would betray Graham more than she already had. “But it made me realize that he deserved so much more than what I could give him. He deserved someone who could love him the way he deserved to be loved.”

“So what changed?”

“What do you think?” Regina said, and smiled her first genuine smile in hours. “You.”

“Me?”

“That night, at your sister's party?” Regina said. “You kissed me, and I freaked. Just like I had done after the thing with Fiona. But you wouldn't go away. You kept coming back, refusing to give up on me. No one had ever done that, and before I knew it you were there. You reached the one place in me that I had kept so shut off. So when Fiona told me that she'd forgiven me for all the shit I pulled, that it was time I face the truth, I decided to jump in. Decided to be that girl that jumped in with both feet first. The girl I had buried so long ago.”

“I couldn't give you up.” Emma said, and smiled.

“Why?” Regina asked, confused. 

“You're ‘The Girl’” Emma said and squeezed Regina's hand.

“What?” Regina said.

“The girl who made me realize I was gay. It was you. I saw you outside school and I knew. I just knew”, Emma admitted and Regina felt her heart swell. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN2: Superduperthanks to my beta, Jennifer, for making my mess into something more readable.And thank you all for your continued support. I'll see you all on the 29th.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma's mind was reeling. The last six hours had been some of the most confusing and wonderful in Emma's life. The dance, the kiss, and then what felt like Regina's entire history. The real story behind the complications between Regina and Fiona had her in a bit of a tailspin. She knew something had happened, and she had realized there had been strong feelings there, but to learn that they had slept together made her feel conflicted. However, none of those feelings were anger. She wasn't mad at Regina for keeping it from or, or Fiona for that matter. It was personal, and it was clear to Emma that this was something Regina had struggled with for years.

 

“How did you know?” Regina said. “I mean, how am I the girl?”

 

Emma smiled, and remembered that day. It was her birthday, and Mary Margaret was taking her out for ice cream after school, so Emma had walked over to the high school to meet her. It was a warm summer day, and Emma was impatient. Then she saw her, the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. Emma couldn't believe she hadn't seen her before. Emma saw Regina Mills, and she knew that she was gay.

 

“I knew. It took me a while to figure everything else out, but I knew. I tried dating guys,” Emma said. “But after I saw you, I knew. Then I started high school and you were everywhere, and it became harder to fight. I tried, of course I tried. But I knew, I knew all along.”

 

“Really?” Regina asked, and Emma could tell it was hard for her to understand.

 

“Look, the first foster family I actually liked was a lesbian couple. And they showed me that being gay was the same as being straight,” Emma admitted. “Being gay was never something wrong in my mind. It was just a thing. Then I saw you and I realized that I wanted to kiss girls. I guess I realized I wanted to kiss you. I just needed to know if I also wanted to kiss guys. Turns out I didn't. I didn't fight being gay as much you did, but it took me sometime to be sure enough to come out.”

 

Emma paused. “I'm not making sense. The thing is that being gay didn't scare me; being rejected did. I knew when I saw you, but I wasn't ready to know, if that makes sense?”

 

“I think it does,” Regina said. “You've spent so much of your life being shuffled around, and you’d finally found somewhere you belonged.”

 

“I wanted to just be me,” Emma admitted. “I’ve always been the foster kid, or the new kid, or the new foster kid. Then I came here, and I was allowed to be Emma. Just Emma for the first time in my whole life. And if I came out, I would be that gay kid. I wasn't ready to be something other than just Emma.”

 

“It funny,” Regina said. “You just wanted to be Emma, and I spent so much time being something other than just Regina. I wanted to be Student Body President Regina, or 4.0 GPA Student Regina, or even Graham's Girlfriend Regina. I wanted to be anything but who I am.”

 

Emma felt her heart hurt at the tone of Regina's voice, about how badly Regina wanted to escape herself. To escape what she was feeling inside. She had clearly spent so much time hiding who she was, while Emma had just tried to figure out how to be Emma. Emma spent her entire life looking for what she’s found now, a family, great friends, and this thing with Regina.

 

“But you’re willing to try now? Try to let go of it all, and just be Regina?” Emma asked. “Because I really like just Regina. She’s fun, and sometimes carefree, and she loves with her whole heart.”

 

“I really want be the girl you see. The girl who is brave enough to be with you,” Regina said. “I want to give this a shot. I want to take you to dinner, and watch all the movies at the Box. I want to hold your hand in school, and I want to be able to kiss you goodbye,” Regina said.

 

“We can take this one step at a time,” Emma smiled. “Though the kissing part is something I also really want to do.”

 

“I bet,” Regina said, and smiled in that way that made Emma's heart melt. She looked at Regina and everything bad sort of melted away. That's probably why Regina's past didn't bother her as much as she’d thought it would. It was her past, and it didn't really matter anymore. Emma knew she had done things in the past that she regretted. Regina’s past was hers, and if it led her to this moment – if it led her to Emma – she couldn't complain. She wouldn't want Regina to be anyone but who she was.

 

“No, but seriously. I want to be your girlfriend, and I can wait if you need that. But I want that to be the endgame,” Emma said, and a part of her couldn't believe that she was having this conversation with Regina at all. She couldn't believe much of what had happened tonight. In many ways this entire semester seemed to be something out of a dream or a story.  Everything she'd ever dreamed of. She had friends she trusted, and she had for a while at least had a girlfriend she adored. She was happy, truly happy, and that was something Emma had longed for. And now, everything that happened or might happen with Regina was there. Right in front of her. It seemed almost too good to be true, that she was going to wake up any minute and everything that happened since Mary Margaret's party was just a dream.

 

“I want to be your girlfriend too,” Regina said. “But I want to go slow. You know? I need to figure out how to be just Regina, but I want to figure it out with you.”

 

“You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed about you saying that,” Emma admitted. “And we can take it whatever speed you need. But is there kissing involved in this slow speed?”

 

“Definitely,” Regina answered and leaned over the table to kiss Emma. The kiss was soft and warm, and Emma felt the butterflies in her stomach. She wondered if it would always feel like this to kiss Regina. She really hoped it would.

 

“So girlfriends then?” Emma asked when they broke apart. Maybe it was stupid to put that label on their relationship at this point, maybe they should date first, test the waters. But Emma didn't want to date anyone else, she just wanted Regina. She had always only wanted Regina. She'd tried to forget her, but had been unsuccessful in doing so. She had romantic feelings for her, and Emma saw no reason in pretending otherwise. She was all-in in this, and she hoped Regina was too.

 

“Girlfriends,” Regina said, and swallowed a yawn. She took up her phone and looked at the time. “It's four AM.”

 

“Wow, this really did take all night,” Emma said. “Am I going to get so see you before you leave for New York?”

 

“How did you know I’m going to New York?” Regina asked.

 

“Graham told me. I asked him what plans he had for Christmas and he told me that he usually spends it with you but you were going to New York.”

 

“I'm leaving in two days, or tomorrow I guess is more accurate according to the time. But I really want to see you before I leave.”

 

“Good,” Emma smiled. “Because I have to give you your present.”

 

“I have yours too,” Regina said. “I actually bought it months ago.”

 

“Really?” Emma asked, intrigued.

 

“Yeah, it caught my eye and I thought of you,” Regina said, and she looked younger than Emma had ever seen her. For the first time Regina actually looked like a teenager, not a young woman with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Just a girl, who bought a friend a gift.

 

“I'm sure I'll love it,” Emma said, and she knew she would. Anything that Regina gave her Emma would love. It didn't matter what it was, Emma was sure that Regina could give her socks and Emma would feel like it was the most wonderful gift she’d ever got, because it was from _Regina._

 

The girls eventually managed to end their conversation, and when Emma looked at the watch it was nearly five am. She would just crash for a few hours before going home. This night had been everything to her; the way Regina had opened up to her, the way she felt kissing her, the way she seemed to trust her with parts of herself no one had ever seen was just blowing Emma away.

 

“I'll see you tomorrow right?” Emma asked as they rose from the table, knowing that this night had to end, but the idea that she would be without Regina for the entirety of Christmas break seemed unbearable. It was like she’d just got her, only to have her taken away again.

 

“Of course. I'll come by before I leave. You'll be the last stop before New York,” Regina said.

 

“I wish you weren't going,” Emma admitted. “I mean, all this just happened and I want to have you here.”

 

“Maybe the distance will be good?” Regina said. “And I will come back.”

 

“You're probably right,” Emma said, and she knew that Regina was right. The way it was going – the roller coaster in Emma's heart – the chance that she would move too fast was very real. Maybe a week apart would help her sort out her feelings. She knew she wanted this, and she knew that wouldn't change. But some perspective and some time off would be good. Everything that had happened had had happened so fast. Three days ago she was still dating Fiona, thinking everything was fine, and now she was here with Regina.

 

“Oh, Miss Swan-Blanchard, I'm always right.”

 

“Of course, my mistake, Madame President,” Emma said, and both girls burst out laughing. It was nice to know that this part of their relationship remained unchanged despite the kissing.

 

“So, goodbye,” Regina said, and moved towards the door. Emma grabbed her hand and pulled her back, kissing her hard.

 

“Goodbye,” Emma said as they broke apart. “And I'll see you tomorrow.” Regina left the diner and Emma payed Gus before going upstairs. She also made sure to leave a decent tip, he deserved it.

 

–

 

Emma had woken five hours later, last night still spinning in her mind. She knew that Ruby would be wanting every detail, but she also wanted to talk to her sister first. Mary Margaret had left before everything went down last night, and she didn't even know that Regina had kissed her. Emma had to admit she was also rather curious about what had happened between Graham and her sister after they left. She was pretty sure nothing had happened, because Graham is too much of a gentleman to make a move right after everything that went down. Unlike Regina apparently. But then again, Emma hadn't been in love with Fiona. Something had held her back, and she had known what it was. But she had tried to ignore it, because she thought she would never have Regina, so it didn't matter.

 

Emma looked at her clothes from the night before, and the idea of putting the dress back on was less then tempting. She knew she had a change of clothes lying in the apartment, and decided that maybe she would tackle Ruby first after all. Maybe Ruby would stop guilt-tripping her with the fact that she came out to Mary Margaret before her if she got the first scoop on her night with Regina. She typed out a quick text to Ruby, and told her to bring her clothes and to meet her in the room. It took barely five minutes before she heard the knock on her door. Emma was almost surprised Ruby bothered with knocking instead of using the main key.

 

“Hi, Red,” Emma said as she opened the door to her best friend.

 

“Don't just ‘Hi, Red’ me! Tell me what happened!” Ruby said and threw Emma her bag of clothes.

 

“Just let me get changed first,” Emma said, and headed into the bathroom.

 

“Oh come on, Em! I've been waiting for you to wake up for _hours!_ ” Ruby whined.

 

“I didn't get to bed until after five,” Emma said through the bathroom door. It wasn't unusual for the two of them to continue having their conversation through bathroom doors. “Cut me some slack.”

 

“Five?” Ruby exclaimed “Holy shit, Em. I figured it was late since you decided to crash in a room, and not upstairs, but five?”

 

“Nothing happened though. I mean, we kissed some more, but mostly we just talked. Or she talked and I listened,” Emma said, walking out of the bathroom and pulling the sweater over her head.

 

“But there was kissing?” Ruby asked.

  
“Yes, and I’m pretty sure there will be more kissing in the future,” Emma said with a smirk. “I mean that's what girlfriends do right?”

 

The squeal that came out from Ruby's mouth was unlike anything that Emma had ever heard from her best friend before. The jumping up and down was expected, but nice to see anyway.

 

“Girlfriends? As in Regina Mills is your girlfriend?” Ruby asked when she had finally calmed down enough to make cohesive sentences. Emma was almost touched by her best friend's enthusiasm about this subject. It didn't feel like it was that long ago that she didn't even have something to be happy about, let alone someone to share it with. And now she had all of these people in her life, all of these people who cared about her and what happened to her. And sometimes that scared her. When you spend most of your life kicked around, never finding home, you always expect the other shoe to fall, and everything to fall apart. But Emma felt optimistic. All the pieces were falling into place and this was it, the moment she used to dream about when she was alone and scared, this moment were she had people who loved her.

 

“Yes, as in Regina Mills is my girlfriend,” Emma said, and she felt the giddiness in her voice. Emma Swan-Blanchard didn't do giddy, but this was a special occasion. It even felt more real today than it had last night. Emotions were flying high and everything was wonderful. Emma heard her phone ping. She looked at the screen and smiled. It was a text from Regina thanking her for last night, and saying that she couldn't wait for tomorrow.

 

“Regina, I presume?” Ruby asked.

 

“Yes, she just wanted to say thank you for yesterday,” Emma said. “It was incredible. I mean it, Rubs. It was like...”

 

“So, I guess she told you everything?” Ruby said. “It seemed like you had a lot to talk about.”

 

“Yeah. And I get her now. I get both of them,” Emma said. “I mean, Regina and Fiona,” she added when she saw the confused look on Ruby's face.

 

“So you finally found out what happened between them?”

 

“Yeah. She told me everything,” Emma said. “And before you ask, I'm not going to tell you. It's personal and Regina trusted me enough to open up to me. I can't break that trust.”

 

“I wouldn't ask you too,” Ruby said. “You are allowed to have secrets with her. As long as you don't keep anything that happened to _you_ from me. Regina's past is her own, and I don't need to know it. I just need you to be happy.”

 

“I am,” Emma said. “I’m so happy.”

 

Ruby threw her arms around Emma, and Emma melted into her the embrace of her best friend.

 

–

 

It took Emma almost another five hours before she finally found her way home that day. Ruby had insisted on celebratory pancakes, then celebratory frozen yogurts, and then she dragged Emma to the mall for the last of the Christmas shopping. She was exhausted by the time she finally got to lie down on her own couch. It felt like the first piece of solid ground she'd had in days; like she could finally relax after the whirlwind of everything that happened.

 

Emma had barely laid her head down on the couch with the remote in her hand before she heard her sister come down the stairs. So much for relaxation. She didn't mind it though. She knew she needed to talk to her, and she had a feeling that her sister wanted to talk to her as well.

 

“So what happened last night?”  Mary Margaret asked. “And before you say nothing, just know that I ran into Peter at the park this morning, and he asked me if I had talked to you yet. When I said no, he got very quiet and left.”

 

Dammit, she should have known that her sister would run into Peter in the park that morning. Her sister was insane about doing her work out; even in the bloody snow she was still running around in that park like it was May, and Peter was just as bad. It wasn't like she was planning to keep her sister in the dark, but she didn't want her to feel like she had either.  

 

“I was planning on telling you this morning, but Ruby had other plans,” Emma said, honestly. “I stayed over there last night.”

 

Mary Margaret gestured for Emma to move her legs so that she could sit down on the couch next to her. Emma placed her legs in her sister's lap after Mary Margaret sat down. “I know, you texted me remember? But I felt like there was something you weren't telling me.”

 

“You're right. I stayed at Granny's last night, but not in the apartment,” Emma said.

 

“You stayed in a room? Are you okay? Do we need to call Dr. Hopper?” Mary Margaret said, and Emma immediately regretted not telling her sister everything last night. But she hadn't wanted to do it over the phone.

 

“No, I'm fine. I promise,” Emma said. “It's nothing like that,” She understood why her sister was worried. Most of the times when Emma needed a room at Granny's it was because the world was too much for her and she wanted to run. It was an instinct she needed to fight, which was why they made the arrangement for her to stay at Granny's in the first place. It gave her the opportunity to be alone, but still be somewhere safe. It helped calm her, and sometimes she needed to talk to Archie afterwards. She'd been seeing Archie since she moved to town, her father insisting on therapy knowing how hard it could be on foster kids trying to find their place – Emma being a high risk kid in particular. Emma liked Archie. It never felt like he judged her or wanted to change her. He mostly listened and made Emma feel better about herself when she felt herself disappearing into a dark place.

 

“You sure?”  Mary Margret asked. “I won't even tell dad if you don't want me to.”

 

“I'm sure. Actually I'm better than I’ve been in a very long time,” Emma said, and she smiled her best smile at her sister to make sure she understood that Emma was telling the truth.

 

“So then what happened? Why did you stay in a room?”

 

“So, the thing is...” Emma started. “Regina kinda kissed me at the dance. After you guys left.”

 

“Regina kissed you?” Mary Margaret asked, the surprise evident in her tone, “We're talking Regina Mills here right? Student body president, Graham's ex-girlfriend, the Regina you've had a crush on _forever?_ ”

 

“Yes,” Emma said. “Let's just say that she got a push in the right direction and decided to jump in.”

 

“What does this mean?” Mary Margaret asked. “Is Regina gay or bisexual or?”

 

“That’s really not for me to say. Nor really something anyone should ask at all.” Emma said.

  
“You’re right. It’s none of my business.” Mary Margaret said, “But what does this mean for you two? Are you..?”

 

“Dating,” Emma said. “Actually, she's my girlfriend.Don't tell Graham yet though. I think that’s a conversation the two of them need to have together.”

 

“Wow,” Mary Margaret said. “Isn't that a little fast?”

 

“You know what they say about lesbians,” Emma joked. “No, but seriously. Sure we could wait, go on a date or two, but I already know I don't want to date anyone else. I just want her. And it seems like she feels the same way. It's not like we're strangers. If I’m being honest with myself, I've been falling in love with her for a while.”

 

“In love?”

 

“I'm not saying that I’m in love with her. I'm not saying I'm not either, but I'm getting there. I like her, so much,” Emma admitted. “It feels like the world is changing around me. I thought coming out was changing myself, but kissing Regina? Every single time it feels like another piece of myself finally falls into place.”

 

“Okay,” Mary Margaret said. “As long as you're happy.”

 

“Happier than I've been in a while,” Emma said. “And speaking of new love interests, what happened after you and Graham left?”

 

“Nothing,” Mary Margaret said, a little too quickly. “I mean, nothing happened really. But we talked, like properly, and he confessed that he was interested in me.”

 

“You knew that right?” Emma asked. “He's been into you for months.”

 

“I think I knew,” Mary Margaret admitted. “I think I chose not to think about it, because I was with James and I really enjoyed having Graham as a friend…”

 

“And now?”

 

“Everything is so raw,” Mary Margaret said. “Everything that happened last night hurt me so bad. I know you warned me, but I didn't care. I fell in love with him, and I’m not ready to jump into something right away.”

 

“I'm pretty sure Graham isn't expecting you too,” Emma said. “And I’m truly sorry about James. I know I made my feelings about him clear, but I didn't want to be right. I really didn't.”

 

“I know you didn't,” Mary Margaret said, and reached over to squeeze Emma's hand. “And I'm going to be fine.” Mary Margret answered the question before Emma could even ask it.

 

“You sure?” Emma asked. “I mean you were in love with him and he cheated on you.”

 

“I know, and it sucks,” Mary Margaret said. “But this isn't the first time my heart’s been broken, and I have a feeling it won't be the last. Last night everything felt like the end. I was so messed up, but Graham took me on a walk. We walked all the way through the city and we talked. He talked about Regina, and how it felt. He talked about how he feels now, about Regina and about me. He helped. More than I think he knows.”

 

“He has a tendency to do that,” Emma said and remembered the day she met him. The way her life changed that night, the kiss with the Regina and the friendship she grew with Graham. The way he had just talked to her and made her feel better. And he hadn't even known her, he'd just been there and let Emma be. “And he will wait for you, you know? To be ready.”

 

“I know,” Mary Margaret said. “He’s quite the Prince Charming, isn't he?”

 

“I knew that from the start,” Emma said. “Had I been straight, I would probably have snagged him up months ago.”

 

“Jealous?” Mary Margaret joked, both of them knowing that Emma had no interest in Graham, no matter how wonderful he was.

 

“You can have the Prince,” Emma said. “I'm quite happy with the Queen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hoped you all enjoyed this, next chapter will be Christmas. As usual thank you to my beta, Jenny and I’ll see you all on the 13th.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Christmas, and Graham learns the truth about Regina and Emma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is split into various days during the Christmas Holidays, I am also switching POV halfway-ish through the chapter so that I can write the chapters in the POV that I want but also not messing with my alternating POV deal I have going. I could in theory have split this chapter into two individual ones but I really wanted to keep Christmas Break as one chapter.

_Sunday, December 23_ _rd_

 

Regina woke up dreading the days that were come. She was dreading the idea of spending an entire week in New York with her family. She could still feel Thanksgiving in her bones, and the thought of her mother finding out about Emma terrified her. But she also knew her mother would be on her best behavior with her grandparents; she is after all the heir to the kingdom. Regina would never understand how her grandparents could prefer her mother over their own son, but then again Regina's grandparents were as cold and calculated as her mother. 

 

Regina reached for her phone on the bedside table and smiled when she saw she had gotten a text from Emma:

 

“Good morning. Can't wait to see you,” followed by the kissing heart emoji. 

 

Regina texted her back, asking her to meet her at 11 at Any Given Sundae. Regina was tempted to make it Granny's, but she knew it would be packed at that time of day and Regina wanted to be able to say goodbye to Emma properly. And maybe that included kissing and maybe she wasn't quite ready for that to happen in a packed Granny’s. There weren't that many people at the ice cream parlor right before Christmas, however as Regina had learned, Emma was of the mindset that there was never not time for ice cream. It didn't matter if it was freezing outside. It was always time for ice cream.

 

Just the thought of Emma was brightening her mood. She hadn't really felt this way since Dani. She felt less broken around Emma, and she wanted to feel that way all the time. She wanted to be around Emma all the time. But she knew that she had to go to New York, she knew that her mother would be furious if she decided to stay. It was time for her to be put out on display. Regina was getting ready to dodge questions about her dating life. She couldn’t tell any of her relatives that she was dating Emma – except her brother – but there was no way she would see him. Last she heard, he was in California. As far away from their mother and his father as he could get without leaving the country. . 

 

Regina missed her brother. They had never been close, mostly due to the fact that he was nearly a decade older than her and that her mother refused to acknowledge his existence. Regina was certain that if her mother would have had her way, Regina would have never even known she had a brother. He had been raised by his father, before he ran away at sixteen and got emancipated. But Regina missed him because he was the only one who understood Regina's relationship with her mother. Should she call him, she was pretty sure he would take her call. He usually did. 

 

The next couple of hours went by in a blur of showers, clothes, packing the last of her stuff, and eating breakfast and before she knew it she was standing outside of AGS waiting anxiously for Emma to arrive. 

 

“Hi,” Emma said, and Regina turned around and smiled.

 

“Hi,” Regina answered, and pecked her lips in hello.

 

“Wanna go inside?” Regina asked. Emma nodded and the two girls went inside the parlor. Regina had been right, the place was empty. Ingrid welcomed them with a smile, and the two girls ordered a sundae to share. 

  
“So, you excited for New York?” Emma asked when they sat down. They'd chosen a table near the window, and the Regina could feel the warmth of the sun. 

 

“Not really,” Regina said, and took a scoop of the sundae. 

 

“Why not?” Emma asked. “I always thought New York seemed so exotic. I've never been.” 

 

“My family...” Regina began, unsure of how to explain it to Emma, when she remembered the conversation they’d had before Thanksgiving weekend. Regina realized that Emma probably would understand more than most. 

 

“My family isn't very friendly,” Regina said, knowing very well that that was a severe understatement. Her family wasn't friendly in the same way the North Pole was a little cold. “It always feels more like a business meeting than an actual family. I don't really know how to explain it. My family doesn't do feelings.” 

 

“I get it,” Emma said, and Regina got the feeling that she did. She knew some of Emma's past and most of her present, but she knew there was still so much to learn about the blonde. 

 

“Honestly, I wish I could stay here,” Regina said.

 

“Why can't you?” Emma asked, and Regina so desperately wanted to tell her. Tell her all of it, but she couldn't. She knew she couldn't.

 

“Mother would kill me,” she said jokingly, trying to convey the typical teenage angst of having strict parents and not make Emma believe that Cora could possibly actually kill her for doing something as disrespectful as staying home. Well, her mother wouldn't kill her. Cora loved her. Regina knew that, but she also knew that the chances of seeing daylight for the next couple of years would be slim if she stayed in Storybrooke. 

 

“Yeah, from what I've heard from Graham, your mother isn't a person to mess with.”

 

“That's for certain,” Regina said, and fought to keep the grimace from her face. Talking about her mother always made her insides burn. She loved her mother, desperately, and all she ever wanted was for her mother to understand her, to love everything about her. And Regina held on to that thought through it all; that if she just did as she was told, as expected, her mother would eventually realize that Regina was doing her best. 

 

But then Emma Swan-Blanchard walked into her life, and everything that seemed so clear before was suddenly muddled and confusing. Because Emma Swan-Blanchard was everything she shouldn't want, but she was also everything she needed. Emma reached into her backpack and took out a small package. She put it on the table and shoved it over to Regina's side. 

 

“Merry Christmas,” Emma said. “I hope you like it.”

 

Regina took the gift and shook it.

 

“Come on. Open it!” Emma said.

 

“Now?” Regina asked.

 

“Yes, I want to know if you like it or not,” Emma answered, and then smiled in that way that made Regina's legs buckle. 

 

“Okay,” Regina said, and opened the gift. 

 

“Woah,” Regina said as she opened the box. Inside was a beautiful silver necklace with a horse pendant. “It's beautiful.”

 

“So you like it?” Emma asked hopefully.

 

“I love it,” Regina said, before leaning over and kissing Emma softly. She then retrieved her own gift from her bag. She had seen it months ago in New York, and had thought about Emma the instant she had seen it. She handed the gift to Emma.

 

“You want me to open it now?” Emma asked, gripping the gift.

 

“It wouldn't be fair to make you wait when I got to open mine,” Regina said, and smiled. 

 

Emma didn't have to be told twice, and practically ripped the gift open. Inside was a beautiful glass swan statue. It had different colors in the back end, almost like a rainbow but the front was clear glass.

 

“It's beautiful.” Emma said, “Thank you.”

 

“I saw it months ago,” Regina admitted, “and I knew I had to get it for you.” There was just something about that figurine that had drawn Regina to it. She wasn't even sure what it was. It was simple and beautiful, but the colors at the end part showed that there was so much more to it than what you first saw. The more you looked at it, the more beautiful it became. Regina figured it was a lot like Emma that way. 

 

“Really?” Emma asked. “I wasn't even sure you really liked me in the beginning. I mean you were kind and everything, but always a little distant. I guess I understand why now.”

 

“Liking you was never the problem, Emma,” Regina answered. “It was trying to figure that out that ripped me apart inside.”

 

Emma leaned over and kissed Regina again, more forcefully this time. More meaningfully. This kiss said something more than the ones before. It said ‘thank you for taking a chance on this, for believing in us, for letting me in.’ 

 

“I'm going to miss you,” Emma said when the two girls broke apart. “I mean I know we're just starting out, but the idea of you being away from me for a week seems like forever.”

 

“I know,” Regina said, and thought of having to spend a week with her mother made chills go through her body. Regina loved her mother dearly. All Regina ever wanted to do was please her mother. She wanted her mother to be proud of her, to accept her. Regina knew her mother loved her, but she also knew that Cora showed that love differently than other mothers.

 

“It's going to be fine though,” Emma said. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.” 

“I'm sure you're right,” Regina said and kissed her again. They stayed that way for over an hour, eating the sundae and chatting and kissing, not necessarily in that order. It was the most at peace Regina had felt in a long while. Being around Emma always felt like this, like Emma touched the fire inside her and cooled it. She made all the worries disappear with that stupid smile of hers. Emma was the yin to her yang, the light to her dark. Not to say that Emma was without darkness, because she wasn't, Regina knew that. She saw it when she talked about her time before Storybrooke, when she talked about her sister's family, the one that didn't accept her. Regina could see the darkness in her because it looked so much like the darkness Regina had inside herself. However, where Regina felt hopeless, Emma felt hopeful. Emma believed in humanity in a way that Regina had long forgotten how to. 

 

The two girls eventually said their goodbyes, about fifteen minutes after Regina had tried to say goodbye the first time due to a rather serious amount of making out in front of AGS. The cold air around them was nothing in comparison to the heat between them. Touching Emma was the most wonderful thing Regina had ever done. It was like her body was on fire. Every touch felt like she was coming alive. 

 

“Now I really have to go. I need to talk to Graham before I leave,” Regina said reluctantly after their make out session. “He deserves to hear some things from me, especially when I’m going to be gone. I won't be able to tell him everything I want...”

 

“Don't worry,” Emma interrupted. “I won't tell him anything you told me. That's for you.”

 

“Thank you,” Regina said, and kissed Emma again, briefly. “Goodbye. I'll see you in a week.” 

 

“Bye,” Emma said, and the two of them went their separate ways. Regina was nervous about her talk with Graham, mostly because she knew she wouldn't have the time to tell him everything she wanted. She had prioritized spending time with Emma today, creating more good memories to have in her mind while in New York. As she made her way back home and towards the Humbert mansion she couldn't help reflecting on the last few days. 

 

Her life had been turned upside down, and she still wasn't sure how to feel. She knew that she was on the right track; kissing Emma felt too right to not be what she should be doing. Nothing had ever felt like this, not even Dani. And if you had asked Regina back then, she would have said she was in love with her. And she was. She knew that the possibility of her falling in love with Emma was real. And it scared the hell out of her, because love had never been something she was been good at. 

 

Those were the thoughts that were scrambling around her head as she knocked on the door. 

 

“Hi, Regina,” Graham said as he opened the door and saw her standing there. 

 

“Sorry to just drop in like this,” Regina said. 

 

“I had a feeling you'd stop by today,” Graham said. “The rest of the family is out finishing their Christmas shopping.”

 

“So you know what happened? You talked to Mary Margaret?” Regina asked, figuring she would have been the only one to say anything. It could probably have been Ruby as well, but Regina knew they weren't as close. 

 

“No, what happened? She didn't tell me anything. She just said I should talk to you,” Graham admitted. “Is this about Emma?” 

 

“Yes,” Regina said, “and no, really. It's about me.”

  
“Come on in,” Graham said and the two of them walked into the living room. This house felt like home to Regina. Much more so than her own did, like the Moreno house used this. This house was home for her. She felt safe here. They sat down on the couch and Regina turned to Graham.

 

“You've probably guessed that things have been changing for me this year?” Regina said, knowing that Graham had noticed it in her. She knew she hadn't been as subtle as she liked to believe. She realized that after talking to Fiona at the dance. 

 

“Yeah,” Graham admitted. “You've been happier.”

 

And Regina could sense the sadness in him, that she was happier now, without him. She had been more carefree, letting go more; going to the movies or just hanging out at Granny's, things she had refused to do since her friend break up with Fiona. She had stopped letting school dictate her life. 

 

“I've been figuring some things out,” Regina admitted. “There is so much we have to talk about, and I don't really have that much time.”

 

“You know you can tell me anything, Regina. I love you.” And there was still a tone of sadness in his voice when he said that. Regina knew that she had broken Graham's heart, and had broken it badly. She knew she was blessed that he had chosen to stay by her side despite what had happened. 

 

“I know,” Regina began. She had no idea how to tell him this, where to start. “You know what happened between Emma and me at Mary Margaret's birthday party, right?” She finally decided to start at the beginning and tell him the most important parts for now. 

 

“She kissed you,” Graham said, and Regina could see the wheels turning in his head, trying to figure out where this is going. “You ran.”

 

“I messed up,” Regina admitted. “I was scared. I was fighting myself. I was fighting my past.”

 

“Fighting what?” Graham asked confused.

 

“I’m not sure how to say this.” Regina said, “I like Emma.” 

 

“I know you do,” Graham said. “She’s a great girl.”

 

“No, I mean I _like_ Emma.” Nothing was coming out the way Regina intended it to. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore at all. She should have planned this better. She was Regina freakin' Mills. But then again, nothing over the past couple of months had turned out the way Regina had planned it to. 

 

“You mean romantically?” Graham asked, understandingly confused by this information.

 

“This would have been so much easier if you hadn't been such a white knight at the dance,” Regina said, half joking and half annoyed. She wished this was easier. She wish she could say what she wanted in such a way that made sense to everyone. 

 

“Why? Did something happen?”

 

“Everything happened that night, Graham,” Regina said with a sigh. “But I guess Fiona made me realize something. Something big.”

 

“Fiona?” Graham asked, still very confused. He ran his hand through his hair, something he only did when he was trying to figure out something complex. 

 

“We talked. It was nice,” Regina admitted. “She made me realize that I’ve been hiding from Emma – hiding from myself – for so long. So I took a chance. I kissed her.”

 

“You kissed Fiona?” Graham asked.

 

“No. Emma. I kissed Emma,” Regina said, and she could see the moment everything made sense for Graham; why Mary Margaret hadn't told him anything, just that he had to talk to Regina, why Regina had to talk to him before she left, why everything had fallen apart between them. 

 

“So?” Graham asked. “What does this mean?”

 

“It means I'm gay. It means I'm still figuring it out. It means Emma Swan-Blanchard is my girlfriend.” 

 

“So is this why we broke up?” Graham asked after what seemed like an insane amount of silence. “I mean, how long have you known?”

 

“Partly. I've known for a while, but I didn't want to be gay, Graham. I couldn't be. I'm a Mills,” Regina said, and she could feel the tears coming. Something she also never did. Mills’ don't cry. They are strong, cold, emotionless. 

 

“Hey,” Graham said, and pulled Regina closer. “It doesn't matter you know? It's okay to be whoever you are..”

 

“You don't hate me?” Regina asked, and she didn't know she was afraid of that before this very moment. She knew that Graham wouldn't hate her for being gay, she was afraid he would hate her for using him.

 

“Why would I?” Graham asked, and wiped away a tear from Regina's eye.

 

“Because I used you. You're such a wonderful guy, and I played with your emotions because I couldn't accept this,” Regina said, and she pulled herself closer into Graham's arms. It still felt safe in there. Graham's arms had always felt safe. That's probably why she had turned to him in the first place. Because she knew that as long as she was in his arms, nothing could hurt her. 

 

“Hey. These things take time,” Graham said. “And I love you, Regina. I have since we were kids, and I’ll always love you. I don't think that will ever change.”

 

“I wish I could stay here forever,” Regina said, snuggling into his arms. “You're safe.”

 

“You have to face the world, Regina,” Graham said and kissed her head. “And you're strong enough to do it. I have a million questions for you. I’d be lying if I said I didn't, but I know now’s not the time. I know you needed to tell me this. And I also know you need to go soon. But not yet. So just stay here until then.”

 

“Thank you,” Regina said. “I love you.”

 

“I know.” Graham said, kissing her head again, and turning the TV on.

 

_Christmas Eve_

 

Regina's first day in New York had been exactly what she expected: cold and unwelcoming. After yesterday, it was quite the culture shock. Her conversation with Graham hadn't been what she expected. She knew he would understand, because he somehow always did. But she hadn't expected him to love her like that. So unselfishly. She knew that they had so much more to talk about when she got back. She knew he deserved to know more; about Fiona, about Cora, about herself really. But she was so grateful that he had given her yesterday. That he had led her be herself, and just be with him without expecting anything in return. He had always been that way – putting her before himself, putting her needs before his. And Regina knew that wasn't far, and she hoped he would find a girl to love him like that. To love him in the ways she couldn't.

 

She looked around the room she was in, professional and cold, just like her grandparents. Not that her grandparents weren't thrilled to have her there, but they were happy because it meant they got to show off their perfect little heiress. Regina wondered if they would feel that way if they knew that what she would rather be doing right now was making out with her  girl friend. Actually, she knew they wouldn't. Her grandparents were of the same belief as her mother when it came to homosexuality. It was not appropriate, and no Mills would ever be associated with such a thing. She kept playing with her necklace, the one she had gotten from Emma. It was her one source of comfort until her father would come the following day. 

 

The surprise that her father would be making it home for Christmas after all was the best news she could have gotten. She hadn't seen her father in six months, this stint in Europe being his longest one yet. Regina didn't blame him. How could she? No one would want to come home to Cora. And so what if he left Regina alone with her mother? Her father loved her, he was just scared of her mother. Regina couldn't really blame him for that either. But she missed him terribly every day. 

 

“That's a nice necklace you have there, sweetheart,” Regina heard her grandmother say. Regina was unaware she had entered the room. 

 

“Oh,” Regina said. “I got it from a friend,” Regina added nervously, her hands still touching her necklace, unwilling to let go of the one piece of comfort she had. 

 

“A male friend?” her grandmother asked, and Regina understood what she was implying. The dreaded question. 

 

“No, grandmother,” Regina said, and bit back the impulse to say that actually it was from her _girl_ friend. 

 

“Whatever happened to that lovely boy you were dating? Graham, wasn't it?” Regina sighed. She should have known that it would come up eventually. Especially since Graham had met her grandparents, and they liked him. He was perfect for Regina. He seemed to understand how their family worked, he had his own money, came from a good family. Regina was surprised that her mother had allowed her to break up with him in the first place. Then again, she hadn't exactly told her mother she was planning to. 

 

“We broke up, grandmother,” Regina said carefully. “We decided that we were too young for such a commitment and that it was more important to focus on school.”

 

“Oh, that's a shame. I really liked him.”

 

“I know Grandmother.” Regina replied, “But it's over now.” She decided not to add the part about them dating other people. She knew Graham and Mary Margaret weren't technically dating yet. She also knew it was only a matter of time. 

 

“It's just a shame, that's all.”

 

“Yes, Grandmother.”

 

The night went mostly the same way, relatives asking about a boyfriend, some of them remembering Graham's name and Regina giving the same stock answer about them being two young for such a commitment. Most people bought it, but Regina had noticed her mother lingering around her. Cora never stayed by Regina at these occasions. She knew Regina knew what was expected of her, and acted accordingly. Having Cora so close was making Regina jittery and nervous. Her lies became less smooth and once she almost mentioned Emma's name. If there was one thing she wouldn't do, it was that. Bringing Emma into this would create questions, questions Regina did not have any good answers to. 

 

“You know, you never told me the real reason you broke up with that boy,” Cora said as the night was coming to a close. Most of their family had left or gone to bed, and Regina knew she should have left too. She had a feeling this was a conversation that was coming; one she wasn't ready have yet.

 

“I told you,” Regina said. “Things weren't working out.”

 

“Did he cheat on you?” Cora asked, and Regina was touched that her mother cared.

 

“No,” Regina said steadily. “He loves me.”

 

“Then why did you break up?” Cora asked, carefully placing her hand on Regina's shoulder. Regina knew what the gesture meant. 

 

“I didn't love him. Not like that anyway. It wasn't fair to him,” Regina said, deciding on the truth for once. At least part of it. Her mother knew when she was lying, at least about the big things. 

 

“Regina,” her mother said, and she felt her mother's grip strengthening. “When you have a boy like that who comes from that family, a little thing like love shouldn't stand in the way.”

 

“I know mother,” Regina answered truthfully, and her mother's grip loosened. “It wouldn't have worked out. He wants to be a cop.” 

 

“Oh, honey,” Cora said, as if the idea of being a cop was the worst thing ever. Regina knew her mother would feel like that. In all honesty, Graham had only mentioned it once. Regina knew he was going to college first anyway, no matter what. “You deserve better than that,” Cora added, and hugged her daughter. And the unfamiliar feeling of her mother's arms surprised her. Cora had always felt warm in ways Regina could never explain, but it had been so long she had almost forgotten it. 

 

_Christmas Day – Emma_

 

Emma awoke early as she always had on Christmas Day. She turned her head to look at her alarm clock. A red 6:32 was shining back at her. Emma was astounded that she could wake so early on Christmas. Mary Margaret usually had to drag her out of bed when they were going to school, and on days she could sleep in, she did. But Christmas was different, even when she was kid and she didn't really have something to look forward to. But there were always presents on Christmas, either from the system or, on a couple of occasions, from her foster parents. 

 

Every kid believed in Christmas. She used to wish for magic or rich uncles showing up at the group home telling her they were there so save her. Then Leo had showed up, and he had been like the rich uncle from the stories. He had saved her from that life, and given her a home and a family, and now that was the magic of Christmas. She believed in family and in love. 

 

She got up out of bed and pulled on her PJ's before heading downstairs. The living room was empty, as she had expected it to be. The tree lights were on, and they lit up the otherwise dark room. It was magical. 

 

She moved into the kitchen, putting on the coffee and turning on the stove. Emma generally made breakfast on Christmas morning as she was almost always the first one up, so they could drink coffee – or cocoa when they were younger – eat fresh breakfast rolls, and open presents. 

 

The next half an hour went by in a flash. Emma drank a cup of coffee and read the latest issue of Captain America she hadn't had time to read yet. She blamed Graham for her obsession with comics, but the truth was she had been reading Captain America for years, since she found a stack of them in one of her foster parents’ houses. She liked his mythos, the idea that the average person could become a hero, and the idea that what made Captain America a hero wasn't that he was strong or fast, though he was, but rather who he was before the serum. 

 

Around seven, she could hear stirring upstairs, and knew that her sister and father were up. Mary Margaret, unlike Emma, couldn't keep herself from waking their dad up at Christmas. She called it tradition, and Leo called it mean. Emma called it family. Soon the entire family was sitting in the living room, coffee in hand and presents all around them. 

 

“He didn't-” Mary Margaret said as she opened her present from Graham.

 

“What is it?” Emma asked, still trying to open the gift in her hand.

 

“The Firefly Celebration book,” Mary Margaret said, and opened it. “And it's signed.”

 

“I told you he liked you.” Emma joked and threw some of the wrapping paper she had next to her at her sister. 

 

“But this must have cost him a fortune,” Mary Margaret said, still turning the book around in her hands. 

 

“You know his father has connections in Hollywood,” Emma said. “And you know he has the money for it. He wanted to give you something he knew you'd appreciate as well as something you have in common.”

 

“What did you get from him?” Mary Margaret asked her sister,

 

“I don't know yet,” Emma said, finally opening the gift in her hand. It was from Ruby, and it was a beautiful silver necklace with a star on it, as well as a gift card for Any Given Sundae. Emma loved that her best friend almost always gave her gifts that included food. Whether it was pancakes or ice cream, Ruby knew that was the best way to Emma's heart. Emma searched under the tree for the gift from Graham. She eventually found a long cylindrical one that was from him.

“Come one, open it. I wanna know what he got you,” Mary Margaret said excitedly. 

 

Emma unwrapped her gift and found a poster container. She uncorked it and pulled out the poster. “Oh my god, he didn't,” Emma exclaimed when she opened the poster.

 

“What did he get you?”

 

“It's a signed Pretty Little Liars poster from season 1,” Emma said, “It's beautiful and it's signed by all four of the girls, and Sasha.” She emptied the container and found a golden ticket. Or at least something that looked like a golden ticket. 

 

“Did he Willy Wonka you?” Leo asked. He was sitting on the couch, drinking coffee. He had already opened the few presents that were for him. The girls had gotten him a new shirt, a dinner at a fancy restaurant, and new watch. 

 

“No, it's a gold membership card at the Box. I won't have to buy tickets for a year,” Emma said, surprised. “He really does know me.” 

 

“You’re surprised? You're like twins,” Mary Margaret joked. “It's almost creepy.”

 

“Yeah right,” Emma answered, before realizing that her sister was right. She and Graham were similar in so many ways and he understood her like no one ever had, except for Regina. Regina also knew her better than anyone, and now she was her girlfriend. She still couldn't believe that Regina was her girlfriend. 

 

The rest of the morning went by, the three of them just relaxing, opening the rest of their presents and watching TV. Christmas Day was Emma's favorite day of the whole year; just being with her family with no responsibilities for anyone. There was nothing anyone had to do all day. Emma loved these moments. She loved being with her family like this. 

 

Sometime during the evening, Graham showed up to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special. They had planned it before everything had gone down at the ball, and Emma was glad to see that he was still coming over. She had talked to Regina and knew that she had talked with Graham, and she was a little nervous about seeing Graham again.

 

Graham, Leo, Mary Margaret, and Emma watched the special in relative silence, only the eventual outburst when something crazy happened on the show. Emma also noticed that her sister was cuddling up to Graham. Emma wasn't sure if her sister realized she was doing it, but Emma did and couldn't help the smile that was forming on her face. She just really wanted them to be happy, and Emma couldn't help but believe that they would be happier together. 

 

“Holy shit, that was one hell of ending,” Emma said when the episode ended. “I really didn't see it coming.” 

 

“There’s been a lot of that lately,” Graham said. Emma noticed that there was a little bit of bitterness in his voice, and realized that she probably should talk to him about everything. Or as much as she could, at least. 

 

“Should we talk?” Emma asked, probably slightly more angrily than necessary. 

  
“I don't know, should we?” Graham asked, and now Emma was annoyed. If Graham had an issue with her, he should just say so. He was one of her best friends. And she thought they were okay. He hadn't said anything before now. 

 

“Quit it,” Emma said. She took Graham's hand and dragged him into the kitchen, giving her sister a look. 

 

“I’m dating Regina. Is that going to be a problem?” Emma asked when the two of them made it into the kitchen. “If it is, you have to get over it.”

 

“I'm sorry. I was being a bitch,” Graham said. “I just, I don't know. I thought I was okay with it, and then I came here and I just couldn't stop thinking about it. It took me by surprise. I've been in love with her as long as I can remember, and now I know that I will never have the chance to get her back, and it threw me.”

 

“You're still in love with her?” Emma asked, surprised. She knew Graham had feelings for Regina. But she didn't expect it. She knew he was broken up, but she also thought he was moving on. “What about my sister?”

 

“I really care about your sister, and I did let go of Regina. But sometimes I wonder ‘what if?’ And there’s something about the idea of fantasies, you know?” Graham said. “I really want to be with Mary Margaret, I do, and I don't intend for her to be a replacement or anything. The news about Regina just took me by surprise, you know?”

 

“Don't you think I feel the same way?” Emma said. “Don't you think I pinch myself all the time because I can't believe this is actually happening.”

 

“Look, I’m happy for you. Both of you,” Graham said. “My insides are just slightly messed up right now. I'll deal with it.”

 

“Hey, I get it,” Emma said. “I was so jealous when I found out you dated her, that you had her in a way I thought I never could.”

 

“Turns out, it was the other way around,” Graham said. “But I really am happy for you, and I’m sorry for being so snappy at you. I didn't plan for it to happen when I came over here. I was actually looking forward to seeing you and everything and then I was acting like a little brat.” 

 

“You can't be perfect all the time, Graham,” Emma joked. “Even you have to have your bad days.”

 

“Thanks,” Graham said, and the two of them went back into the living room. 

 

_New Year’s Eve_

 

There were lights everywhere. Emma had to admit that when the Humberts arranged a New Year’s party, they went all out. The party was extraordinary. The night had been amazing, the food was great, the music was spot on. But as the clock neared midnight, Emma felt like something was missing, and she knew what it was. Regina. She wanted Regina to be her New Year’s Eve kiss. She'd never had one before, and she wanted Regina to be her first.

 

She missed Regina. She hadn't thought she would miss her like this, especially since they had been texting almost constantly since she left. It had been a little over a week since they kissed goodbye at AGS and she could still feel the touch of Regina's lips on hers. She had never missed a  _person_ like this before. When she was a kid, she had missed the  _feeling_ of family and friendship, but that had never been about a specific person. 

 

“Missing your girl?” Graham asked, and Emma nearly jumped.

  
“Dammit, Graham,” Emma said. “I thought it was bad enough when I had one friend who lived for sneaking up on me and scaring me half to death, but now I have to deal with you too?”

 

“Chill, girl,” Graham joked, and Emma could tell that he had probably had a couple of glasses of champagne. 

 

“You getting ready to kiss my sister at midnight?” Emma said, trying to switch the subject from her and Regina. She wasn't quite ready to talk about Regina with Graham yet. She knew that Regina hadn't had the chance to tell Graham everything she wanted, just that she and Emma were dating and that she was gay. But Emma knew there were a number of things that Regina needed to say to Graham, that Graham needed to understand, and before he did Emma didn't want to put him in an awkward middle position. Well, more awkward than it already was. 

 

“I wasn't... I mean…” Graham stuttered, and Emma had to laugh at him. 

 

“She's ready. I know it's only been a little over a week, but I'm pretty sure she's expecting it tonight,” Emma said. “Just take it slow. Her heart is very fragile.”

  
“So is mine,” Graham admitted, and Emma felt a twinge of pain in her heart. Graham played a good game, but everything that happened with Regina had taken a toll on him. Emma really believed that Graham had loved Regina, and now she was dating Emma. It had to be hard for him, but maybe it was also easier. Emma didn't know. At least he knew why it couldn't work out. Emma just desperately wanted him to be happy, and she knew her sister would make that happen. 

 

“I know this is weird,” Emma said. She still had no intention of talking about Regina with him. She had stayed away from the topic all week, through movie dates and trips to Granny's. She'd finally sat through the first season of Fringe, and she had to admit she liked it. But Regina had still been there between them, like an elephant in the room. It was an elephant that Emma knew needed to be there and they would deal with it, but Regina deserved to be the one who did that. 

 

“Look, Emma. I'm happy for you,” Graham said, “And I know that you're waiting for Regina to get back before we talk about it. I get it. I just want you to be happy. Both you. Actually, all of you. You, Regina, Mary Margaret. I just want my girls to be happy.”

 

“We will. And Mary Margaret has been waiting for someone like you. She just didn't know it. You're her prince charming, Graham. Just as you were mine,” Emma said, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing it. “This might not be a fairytale, but that doesn't mean that fairytale romances don't exist.” She winked. “Be her captain,” she added in reference to last Halloween.

 

“Thanks, Em,” Graham said. “You're a good friend.” 

 

“I try,” Emma said before throwing her arms around him in a big hug. “Go get her tiger.”

 

Emma watched Graham as he walked away to find her sister. She looked at her phone. It was five minutes until midnight. She was a little surprised she didn't have a text from Regina. They had been texting nonstop since she left for New York, but she hadn't heard a single thing from her all day. Emma figured she was probably busy. New York on New Year’s Eve had to be something else. When Emma was kid, she had never understood the big deal about New Year’s Eve. It had just been another day in her crappy life. But as she grew up she understood the promises of the night, the idea that at the stroke of midnight you could start over, a fresh start, the same way she felt when the first snow came. 

 

Emma walked out to the balcony. It was cold but not freezing. Emma was looking out at the snow and the beautiful estate. It really looked like a fairytale. She couldn't believe it. The only thing that was missing was Regina. 

 

“Miss me?” Emma turned around to see Regina standing there.

 

“What are you doing here?” Emma asked surprised, “I didn't think you’d be back yet.”

 

“Did you really think I would miss New Year’s Eve with you?” Regina said, and moved closer to Emma. 

 

“I can't believe you are here,” Emma said. They were standing inches away from each other when they heard the countdown begin. 

 

“10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...” The party goers counted down, and as they hit one Regina kissed Emma fiercely. 

 

“Happy New Year, Emma,” Regina said when the two of them broke apart. 

 

“Happy New Year, Regina.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Most of this fic was plotted out before Zelena was Regina's sister (in all honestly most was plotted out during season 2 but has been changed as characters have been added and in some cases a character’s role has been completely rewritten so I could give it to someone else), So Regina has a brother, and it’s a character we know but I'm going to leave his identity secret for a while. (Though it shouldn't be that hard to figure it out if you followed theories around the time when I planned this)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES PHYSICAL CHILD ABUSE. THIS IS YOUR TRIGGER WARNING.

Regina knew she needed to have a proper talk with Graham, and she had to do it today. According to Emma, he wasn't taken the news as well as she had first believed. Not that she was that surprised by that, she knew that Graham loved her and that he loved Emma as well. She was like his little sister, and Regina knew that Emma felt like Graham was an older brother.

 

But she also wanted to take Emma on a date, to have a proper date before school started up again on Monday. She wasn't quite ready to think about how things would change at school, if they would at all. She had kissed Emma in front of everyone, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to go back into the closet at school, or if she even needed to. She knew people respected her, and some of them were probably a little scared of her. She had a reputation of being strict and efficient as a leader. But no one ever complained. She knew she was good at what she did. There was really no other option for her than for her to be good. She was groomed to lead. Her mother had made that very clear from birth. Regina was to lead; she was going to be great in school, go to law school, work a couple of years in a private firm, before going to work for her family's company, which she would eventually take over. That was the path that was chosen for her. 

 

She knew exactly what she wanted to do with Emma, but she needed to do it during the day or else it would be too cold. She also had to make sure that Emma had skates. Regina sent off a quick text to Mary Margaret.

 

“Hi, Mary Margaret. I hope I am not disturbing you, I was just wondering if your sister had skates – Regina.” 

 

If Emma didn't own skates, Regina would need to figure out how to get a pair. If they were just going to the rink it wouldn't have been a problem, but Regina wanted to take her some place special. Regina wanted to take her to the lake. Her phone buzzed and Regina saw that she got an answer from Mary Margaret.

 

“Yes, she does. Do you have something special planned?” 

 

Regina quickly texted back, 

 

“Yes. Can you ask her if she could bring them and meet me outside the gates of my house in an hour?” 

 

Regina wanted this to be special; she wanted just one more day with Emma just being hers, without having to worry about anyone else. Just one more day. She knew everything would be different as soon as school started. It had to be different. She knew it did. Everything had been so easy since the dance. Regina knew that as soon as they went back to normal things would be different. She knew that she would do everything in her power to make sure that Cora didn't find out about her relationship with Emma, and hoped that Cora would stay in New York as long as possible. She hadn't heard from her mother since she left on New Year’s Eve. She knew there would be consequences for leaving before the big party but she just couldn't stay in New York anymore. She couldn't go around there and faking a smile, and pretend that she wasn't dating Emma, that she wasn't happier than she had been in her whole life. That suddenly everything inside her made sense. She just wanted to enjoy this last day before the real world started back up again. 

 

Her phone buzzed again, this time the message was from Emma.

 

“I guess I'll bring my skates, and see you in an hour. What are we doing?”

 

Regina smiled at the text. Of course Emma would text her herself. 

 

“It's a surprise.”

 

Regina texted back with a smile. And it took barely 30 seconds before her phone buzzed again. 

 

“I hate surprises.”

 

Regina chuckled. Sometimes Emma was so predictable. Regina texted back,

 

“No, you don't. You love surprises.”

 

She put the phone in her pocket, and went down to the kitchen to see if Cook could put together a little picnic basket with some warm food and some cocoa. As she walked down the stairs towards the kitchen she felt her phone buzz again. 

 

“Yeah, I do. See you soon.” followed by a heart emoji that made Regina's own heart flutter. 

 

Regina had the increasing suspicion that that girl might actually end up being the end of her. Everything felt more vibrant with Emma, and suddenly an hour seemed too long to wait to see her again. But she also knew she needed an hour make sure that everything was ready. She was going to sweep Emma Swan-Blanchard off her feet if it was the last thing she ever did. 

 

\--

 

Emma almost jumped out of the car, skates in hand, and ran over to Regina, kissing her passionately.

 

“Hello, sister in the vicinity,” Mary Margaret said with a disgusted look on her face. 

 

“As if that ever stopped you,” Emma said when she and Regina broke apart. Regina was pretty sure she would never get used to the feeling of kissing Emma. It was like she finally truly understood what the big deal about kissing was. She had felt it with Dani too, like kissing suddenly made sense, but not like this. Not like kissing was the only thing she wanted to. She wanted to spend hours and hours just kissing Emma. 

 

“You’ll get her home safe?” Mary Margaret asked, talking through the window of the car. 

 

“I'll drive her home later.” Regina said. She had to talk to Graham anyway. She should ask him to meet her at their spot in the park. It was cold, but not too cold for that. She could bring coffee. Maybe the fresh air would help her keep her thoughts straight, instead of falling apart like she did last time. She sent of a quick text asking Graham to meet her at their spot at five, since her date with Emma should be done by then. 

 

“Thank you. I'll see you later then.” Mary Margaret said before driving of, and leaving the two girls to themselves. 

 

Regina phone buzzed in reply.

 

“Sure :)” 

 

“Who’re you texting?” Emma asked when Regina read the reply.

 

“Graham. I need to talk to him before we go back to school. Properly talk to him, and sort all of this out. I don't want him to feel like I left him out, or that because I’m with you now I’m leaving him behind.”

  
“Is this about how he acted over Christmas? He wasn't that bad really,” Emma said, and Regina could tell that Emma was sorry for the way everything went down too. She knew what Graham meant to Emma, and Regina would never forgive herself if she was the one to come between them. She wouldn't let that happen. 

 

“Partly. But also because I barely got to talk to him before I left for New York, and he ended up spending more time comforting me than me actually being able to tell him everything I wanted him to know,” Regina answered, and that dreadful feeling swept over her again, that feeling that no matter what he said Graham would never truly forgive her, and she would lose him too; the same way she lost Fiona because her feeling had terrified her. 

 

“Are you okay?” Emma asked, and Regina realized she was crying a little. Why did that keep happening to her? She was a Mills. She was stronger than this, she knew she was. She had to be if she was going to survive the next six months. But as she looked into Emma's eyes, she felt her strength come back. Looking into Emma's eyes made her believe that she could do anything she set her heart on. 

 

“It's just cold,” Regina lied, and wiped her eyes. She picked the picnic basket up from the ground. “Come on, I wanna show you something.” Regina took Emma's hand and led her through the gates and up towards the wooded area. If it had been warmer, Regina would have insisted they'd taken a horse. They could have shared Rocinante. He was strong enough to carry both of them to the lake. But since it was cold, and Regina had this whole thing planned, it was better if they took the short cut through the woods. 

 

“Damn, your estate is huge,” Emma said as they entered the woods.

 

“It's the biggest in Storybrooke,” Regina said, not boasting or anything. It was just factual. She knew their place was huge; almost ridiculously so. The Moreno estate was number two size-wise and that was probably a third of the size that the Mills estate was. Regina was almost embarrassed about the size of their land, if it hadn't been for the fact that riding Rocinante around it was the only escape she had sometimes, and she couldn't not be grateful for the fact that she could always just grab Rocinante and leave without actually having to go anywhere. 

 

“You're actual royalty aren't you?” Emma joked. “You're like number fourteen in line for the British throne or something.”

 

“To be honest?” Regina said. “I actually think I am in line to inherit some small kingdom somewhere. I am pretty sure my great grandfather was a Duke.”

 

“Ha. I knew it,” Emma said, stopping to curtsy. “My queen.” 

 

“Oh shut up,” Regina said, and hit Emma playfully on the shoulder. Instead of retaliating or starting to walk again, Emma decided that the best course of action was to kiss her. Not that Regina was complaining. She could spend forever doing just this. 

 

“Oh come on. I actually have plans for us,” Regina said as soon as they broke apart. She grabbed Emma's hand again and the two of them continued to walk in silence for another five minutes or so before they finally reached the lake. The lake was Regina's favorite place on the entire estate, and maybe it had been fitting that this was the place in which she had kissed her first girl. 

 

“Wait, is this where you kissed Dani for the first time?” Emma asked as they sat down on the bench in front of the now deeply frozen lake.

 

“Yes. But that's not why I brought you here. I wanted to take you skating, and I know we could have gone to the rink in the city but I wanted to bring you here.”

 

“Why?” Emma asked, as she removed her shoes and started putting on her skates. 

 

“This is my favorite place on the whole estate, and when I was kid, as soon as the lake froze over enough that it was safe to skate on, my father would bring me here. It has some of my favorite memories of my childhood, and I haven't skated here in years. I wanted to do this, share this with you.”

 

“Oh, you're so sweet,” Emma said, leaning over and kissing Regina again. They seemed to be doing a lot of that. Just kissing. All the time. Regina had never felt this comfortable about kissing before, not even with Dani.

 

“Come on,” Regina said when they were finished kissing and their skates were put on. The two girls made their way onto the lake, and Regina quickly realized that just because Emma owned skates didn't mean she was particularly good at using them. She kept falling on her ass. 

 

“Are you okay?” Regina asked after Emma had a somewhat spectacular fall.

  
“Yes. It's not my fault your lake was designed by the devil,” Emma said, and pulled herself up on her skates again. “I am not used to the unevenness of actual ice. I am used the rink ice. It's much easier to skate on the rink.”

 

“Come here. I'll kiss it better,” Regina said.

 

“No, you come here. You're like the freaking Ice Princess,” Emma said with a pout. “Here I wanted to impress you with my very mediocre skating skills, and you’re just floating around as if you were born with skates on.”

 

Regina skated over to where Emma was standing, “I almost was. I think I was four when dad brought me my first pair of skates. He always loved ice skating. I don't know why.” 

 

Regina had the trickling feeling that it had something to do with the fact that Cora despised it, and it was one of the few things Regina and her father could do in peace. She used to wonder why her mother hadn't kept her from it, like she did so many other things that Regina enjoyed, but she had overheard her father telling her mother that ice skating was perfect for learning good posture and elegance. All things that a young lady needs to succeed in her life. It was one of the few things in Regina's life she could remember her father fighting for. That and when he gave her Rocinante. 

 

“When I was four, the only thing I owned was an old stuffed bear,” Emma said in a tone that Regina guessed was supposed to be joking, but it fell flat. Sometimes Regina forgot how Emma spent her childhood. She seemed so happy, so adjusted most of the time. It seemed foreign to Regina that Emma hadn't always been a Blanchard. 

 

“I'm sorry,” Regina said, and leaned in to kiss Emma's forehead. As she was doing it she lost her footing, forgetting temporarily that she was wearing skates and instead of kissing Emma's forehead, both girls fell to the ice; Emma on the bottom, and Regina on top. 

 

“You know, if you wanted me on my back, all you had to do was ask,” Emma joked, and both girls started laughing. 

 

“So much for me being the Ice Princess, huh?” Regina said and, instead of answering, Emma pulled Regina towards her in a kiss. Every time they kissed Regina felt like she wanted more, she wanted to be even closer to Emma. She wanted to feel her, but she knew that Emma wasn't ready for anything more yet. She wasn't even sure if she was ready for anything else yet. No matter how good it felt kissing Emma, she wanted to be better this time. She wanted to be more careful, with her body and her heart. And the last thing she wanted was for Emma to throw away her virginity in the same way she had. Emma deserved the world. 

 

“Maybe we’re done skating for today?” Regina asked. “I actually brought some food and some cocoa for us to warm up with.”

 

“That sounds like a great idea.” Emma said, and the two girls found their way back to the mainland. Emma even made it all the way without falling again.

 

“I hope this wasn't too terrible. I wanted to show you a part of my past; one that’s simpler, part of me, like you did with the Box,” Regina said. She had felt so honored when Emma had opened up to her about why she loved the Box so much. It felt like a window into the girl that she admired so much. Regina hadn't told her that; how much she actually admired her and, the more she got to know the younger girl, how much she envied the strength she had. Emma was probably the bravest person Regina had ever met. And maybe one day, she'd tell her that. Maybe one day, she'd tell her everything. 

 

“It was fun,” Emma said, and laughed. “Sure, it turns out I am terrible at skating but at least I know that skating on lakes isn't something I should do to impress girls.”

 

“And who are these girls you so desperately want to impress?” Regina teased as she sat down on the picnic table. She pulled out the table cloth and the food Cook had prepared. It was still mostly hot due to the insulation of the basket. 

 

“You.” Emma smiled. “You’re the only girl I want to impress.” 

 

“Oh, I am already impressed, Emma. Whether or not you can skate on a lake won't change that,” Regina said, and she swore she could see Emma blushing. But then again, it could just be the cold. Regina smiled, and Emma reached over to grab her hand. Just the feeling of Emma's hand, even over her glove made Regina's insides go all warm. 

 

“I'm glad you brought me here,” Emma said after a while. They had spent some time just chatting and eating the food Regina had brought. “It was nice and easy. It's nice to know that there are parts of your past that aren't so dramatic.”

 

“Thanks?” Regina said.

 

“I just mean, after everything that went down with Dani and Fiona, I think it's good you have a place like this that just makes you happy,” Emma said. “I want you to be happy.”

 

“You make me happy,” Regina admitted. “You make me happier than I have ever been.”

 

“Good,” Emma said. “I intend to keep making you happy.” Emma leaned over the table and kissed her softly. “And you make me happy too,” she added when they broke apart. “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

 

“Me too. Unfortunately, real life starts tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah, about that. What do you want to do at school?” Emma asked.

 

“I don't know,” Regina said. “I’m not sure. I mean, I don't want to hide, but I don't...” She wasn't sure what she was trying to say. It was complicated. School was complicated. She had never needed to worry about that before. When she was dating Graham everybody knew, mostly because people had assumed they were already dating long before they actually did. It just made sense, with Fiona being gay, and Killian being himself. Everyone had just assumed that Graham and Regina would pair off, which was part of the reason why Regina had turned to him in the first place. If everyone thought they would end up together, why couldn't she just _try_?

 

Of course, they reason why she couldn't just try was obvious. She knew it then. But denial is a wonderful thing if you want it bad enough. She could love Graham. She could be happy with Graham. Graham was everything she should have wanted. There was just one problem, one problem that, no matter how hard she tried to deny it, she couldn't fall in love with him. She tried so hard, but she couldn't, and she knew why. She knew deep down in her soul why she couldn't, but she still tried. And in trying, she almost destroyed herself and her friendship with Graham. She almost destroyed everything. 

 

“I’m not going to push you into anything. I told you that that night at Granny's. I’m willing to take this any speed you want, but for what it's worth no one at school is going to care. They adore you, Regina. Every single person in that place adores you,” Emma said, and smiled.

 

“I know. Can we just take it as it comes?” Regina asked. “I mean I am not asking you to go back into the closet or anything for me. I just need some time, I guess.”

 

“We have all the time in the world. If you're not ready, you're not ready and I have no intention of pushing anyone out of any closet they may or may not be in. But you should at least come to a couple of GSA meetings. It'll do you good.”

 

“Thank you,” Regina said.

 

“For what?” Emma asked.

 

“For being you,” Regina said. “Just always be you.”

 

“I don't know how to be anyone else,” Emma said, and leaned over to kiss Regina again. And the more Emma kissed her, the more Regina started to realize that hiding her relationship with Emma wasn't something she wanted to do. She wanted to be brave enough to hold her hand in the halls, to kiss her goodbye between classes. She wanted to be one of those obnoxious couples who couldn't keep their hands to themselves. She wanted the teenage stereotype and she wanted it with Emma. 

 

–------

 

She was walking through the park, heading towards the spot where she was meeting Graham and thinking back on the last couple of hours with Emma.

 

The rest of her date with Emma had gone flawlessly. It had mostly included more kissing. They had walked back to the estate, hand in hand, giggling like school girls at times. It had felt how she believed being with someone would feel when she was a kid. She wouldn't say she was falling in love with Emma – just the idea terrified her – but when she was kid and she had dreamed of falling in love, she thought it would be like that. To be with someone who understood her, who made her laugh, and made her feel brave. Being with Emma Swan-Blanchard made all of the love songs make sense. 

 

She saw Graham standing next to the statue of the founder of Storybrooke. Regina wasn't even sure how that place became her and Graham's spot, but it had been for years; since before Fiona-Gate, which is what Graham had dubbed the incident. Junior year of high school they had buried a time capsule behind the statue, one they wouldn't open before their ten year anniversary. Regina had already forgotten what she had put in it. 

 

“Hi,” Regina said as she approached Graham. “Thanks for meeting me here.”

 

“Of course, Regina,” Graham said and moved to hug her. His arms felt familiar and warm. “So, you want to have that talk now?”

 

“I think we have to,” Regina said. “I don't want this to be awkward, Graham. Especially not for you and Emma.”

 

“She told you about how I acted over Christmas?” Graham asked, his tone almost ashamed.

 

“She was worried,” Regina said, instantly defending Emma. “She doesn't want you to feel left behind.”

 

“I don't,” Graham said. “I really don't. I’m just still a little confused. I have to admit that. I mean, I knew something was going on with you. I’ve known for a while that you were upset about something. I just never thought it was this.” 

 

“I messed up, Graham. I messed up so badly. And I hurt so many people in the process. Especially you. The way I acted last year, what I did...” Regina started. She was still so messed up after everything that happened. She was so ashamed of how she acted. 

 

“We don't have to talk about that. Actually, I would prefer it if we didn't...” Graham said, and Regina could tell that it still hurt him. In all honestly, it still hurt her too. 

 

“Graham, I think we need too...” Regina started before Graham interrupted her. 

 

“Look, Regina. You shouldn't have said or done what you did. But I forgave you for what happened such a long time ago. You were hurting, I get that now. And you wanted to hurt me. And that's okay.”

 

“No, it's not,” Regina said. “I was cruel. I was lashing out at you, and you hadn't done anything wrong. I was just scared.” It was the same as what she had done with Fiona. She had gone for the jugular. Trying to hit them where it hurt the most, but unlike with Fiona, Graham hadn't left. He'd come back, said that it was fine. They'd just be friends. And somehow they had been, things had slowly but surely fallen back into place. And Regina didn't know how to tell Graham what that meant to her. But that was the kind of guy Graham was; truly selfless and loving.

 

“You were hurting. I could tell that back then too. I just didn't know what it was that was tearing you up inside. I knew it was something. The way you acted, it was so clear you were struggling. I should have done more to help you,” Graham said, and the two of them started walking around the park. Sitting still was too cold, but Regina didn't want to go somewhere. She wanted the privacy that the park provided. She wanted to be able to talk without people overhearing them. 

 

“You did so much, Graham. You forgave me,” Regina said. “And that is everything. I don't think you know how much that means to me. You loved me when I couldn't love myself.”

 

“I'll always love you, Regina. It hurt me so much to see you in that much pain, and you shut me out.” 

 

“I know. I was scared you'd realize the truth. I was scared you would see the parts of me I didn't want anyone to see,” Regina admitted. “I didn't even want to see them myself.”

 

“What changed?” Graham asked. “I mean when we got back to school this year, you seemed better. Everything seemed better, even before Mary Margaret's party. You seemed to have found yourself again.”

 

“I don't know, spending the summer in Europe with dad helped, I think. It helped me realize that I was still me. And that going on the way I did wasn't going to work. Mother forcing me to take that internship at International was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't know how I would have ended up if I had stayed here. I was broken, Graham. I was so very broken.”

 

“Can I ask what happened?” Graham asked. “I don't mean that summer. I don't even mean about the break up. I just want to know why you started dating me in the first place.”

 

“Other than being terrified?” Regina asked. “You've met my mother, and you know that she is the reason why I cut off all communication with Fiona. She didn't want me to be around _people like her_.”

 

“You knew then?” Graham asked. “But we didn't start dating until a year after Fiona-Gate. Please help me out here, Regina. I want to understand.”

 

“I suspected. I mean, I never really felt anything with any of the boys I dated and then Fiona came out, and she was _so happy_. Happier than I had ever seen her, and I started wondering if maybe that's what was wrong with me. Maybe I couldn't be happy because I was looking in all the wrong places. But then mother found out, and she freaked out. There was no way I could be gay after that. So I decided that I wasn't. Of course, I wasn't.”

 

“What changed?” Graham asked, and Regina really didn't want to live through all of this again. The session with Emma was still so fresh on her mind but she knew that Graham deserved the story as well. He deserved to know it all.

 

“Everything. I met a girl. I got my heart broken,” Regina said, before telling Graham a shortened version of everything that happened with Dani. She should have told him long ago, she knew that. She knew it when she saw the look on his face, she knew it when he stopped, pulled her close and just hugged her. 

 

“And then I slept with Fiona,” Regina finally added after a long moment of her just staying in the safety of his arms. “I slept with Fiona. Freaked major, and asked you out.” 

 

“Wait, what? You slept with Fiona?” Graham asked, and Regina understood his shook. Not just because she slept with Fiona, but because she had explicitly told him that she had never been with anyone before him. She had tried to deny what had happened with Fiona, told herself it didn't count because Fiona was a girl, because she was drunk. And who’s to say it really happened? Maybe she had just made it up in her mind. The things you could make your brain believe if you tried hard enough was incredible.

 

“I was drunk. She was drunk. She had just broken up with Katie. That first time. Everything was raw. I just left, and I refused to talk to her. I still haven't really talked to her about it. The closest we've ever got to talking about it was at the Halloween Party when I got slightly too possessive over Emma.”

 

“Damn, Regina. This is some heavy stuff,” Graham said. “And you’ve been struggling with this for so long and I never knew.”

 

“I didn't want you to know. That was the whole point. I turned to you because you're _perfect_ Graham. If I didn't fall in love with you, I knew I would never fall for any guy. I wanted it to be you so badly. I wanted it to be you more than anything in my whole life. And I am sorry that I broke your heart in the process, but believe me. I broke my own too.”

 

“Oh, Regina,” Graham said. “We did all of this wrong. I think we both did. I knew your heart wasn't in it the same way I was, but I ignored it. I ignored it all, and it almost destroyed you. We all made mistakes that year, Regina. You weren't the only one.”

 

“I was the one who used you,” Regina said. “I knew. I mean, of course I knew. I'd spent a summer with Dani and for the first time in my life, everything made sense. I knew I was gay. And then I slept with Fiona, and I messed everything up again.”

 

“You were scared,” Graham said. “We all get scared. I can't even imagine how this feels for you, Regina. I mean, you've been happier this year, more alive. You seem more like the old you.” 

 

“It's mostly because of her,” Regina admitted. “Sure, I felt better after I came back from Europe. Things were clearer, the plans were back in place, I knew I could do what was expected of me. I found my way back from the darkness, but when she kissed me. I don't know what happened. It should have made me run away again.”

 

“But you didn't...” Graham said. “You stayed.”

 

“I stayed. I didn't plan on it. But when she showed up that Monday and asked if we could be friends, I knew I couldn't run away. I knew I needed that girl in my life. She was so full of life, and she was so brave. And she was so _proud_.”

 

“She's amazing,” Graham added, “I have to admit I flirted with her kind of seriously at that party before I realized I was barking up the wrong three. She’s beautiful, the way she just is.”

 

“Of course you did. Everybody loves her,” Regina added. “That was what was so hard. I mean I tried to resist her. I tried so hard, but she was always there and she refused to go away. Even when she was dating Fiona, she was still always there and she never pushed for anything.”

 

“You know, I get it now. Why you reacted the way you did when you saw Emma and Fiona at that party. First, I just thought you were being protective over Emma. And maybe a little vindictive towards Fiona. But everything makes sense now. The way your eyes would go a little sadder whenever we saw Fiona and Katie in the halls, I thought you just missed her. I always wondered why you didn't make up with her. Now I realize you just weren't ready.”

 

They were almost all the way around the park, and the snow had started falling. The temperature had fallen even more, and Regina rubbed her hands together to create friction. 

 

“I owe Fiona everything. She was the only one who knew, and she never said anything to anyone. She could have ruined me if she wanted to, but she didn't. She just waited, and she gave me the push I needed when it came to Emma.”

 

“Look, Fiona loves you. Just as you still love her. I know you hit a rough spot. I know you both pretended to hate each other but it was clear to those of us that knew you that you were both just hurting,” Graham said, and put his hands into his pockets. “Regina, I’m not going to say that you handled any of this right, or that you didn't do anything wrong. Because you did, and we both know that. We all made mistakes in this. I didn't push enough, you pushed too hard. But none of that matters anymore.”

 

“And you're going to be okay with all of this? No more snarky comments to Emma?” Regina asked, as she saw the statue come into view again. She walked left, and Graham followed her. They both knew where they were going without having to say it. They were still more in-sync that Regina had ever been with anyone else ever. 

 

“I was acting like a brat, and I know that. It was all just fresh. I get it more now. I think. I don't know. It's going to be weird for a while, I won't deny it. This is a lot for me to process, but I’m going to be better.”

 

“Good, because Emma needs you,” Regina said. “And I do too.”

 

“Hey, I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here for both of you. I might be a little weird for a while, but I want you to be happy, Regina. I've always wanted you to be happy and now that I know a little more of what was going through your head back then, I want it even more. And if Emma is the one who makes you happy, who am I to stand in your way?”

 

“I freaking love you, Graham Humbert,” Regina said. “I hope you know that. I probably wouldn't be here today if you hadn't done what you did.”

 

“Don't mention it,” Graham said. “I mean it, Regina. You'd do the same for me in a heartbeat. It will all work out, trust me. This is it, Regina. This is our time to shine. We only have a couple of months left of high school, and I have a feeling they will be the best months of our lives so far.”

  
“You won't leave me, right?” Regina asked, suddenly very aware of the fact that in a few months they would all be leaving. Going in separate directions. Things were changing all around her, and Regina wasn't sure how many changes she could take. 

 

“I'll always be here, Regina,” Graham said. “I know you're scared, and you should be. This is the most terrifying thing human beings do. But no matter what happens, I'm here. Always.”

 

Graham walked her to her car, and they said goodbye. Regina hugged him again before getting into her car, just longing for the comfort of his arms. The safety she craved. She rode in silence, no radio, no music, nothing. Just her thoughts. She figured that there were still things she needed to figure out, things she had to deal with, and talking to Graham had brought a lot of those old issues to the forefront of her mind again. She had blocked out most of her memories from last spring, and she'd almost forgotten how bad she'd been. Almost. The scars were still viable if she looked. When she looked. 

 

She was lost in her thoughts, but not too lost to notice that her mother's car was in the driveway when she drove in. She could feel her blood go cold. Her mother wasn't supposed to be back yet. Regina knew that the only reason her mother would come home early was because Regina had left New York when she did. She braced herself for what she knew was coming.

 

“Mother?” Regina asked when she walked into her house, suddenly grateful that her mother hadn't come home earlier. What if she had come home when she and Emma were out skating? What if she had seen them kissing? Just the thought made Regina's blood turn to ice. 

 

“Regina, sweetheart...” Cora said, her voice coming from the study, and there was not a touch of warmth in her tone. Regina moved slowly into the study, getting ready to face her mother. Well, as ready as she ever was. She should have known that their whatever it was that had happened that night in New York would be short lived. 

 

“Yes, mother,” Regina said tentatively when she entered the study. She knew what was coming, she had known it the moment she saw her mother's car in the driveway. 

 

“Why did you leave New York early?” Cora asked, and Regina could tell that no matter what she said it would be the wrong answer. 

 

“I...uhm...” Regina said, knowing that no answer would be worse than the wrong one, but suddenly her brain didn't want to cooperate. The only thing it would produce was 'I wanted to kiss my girlfriend on New Years' and that was the last thing she wanted to tell her mother. 

 

“Speak up, Regina. A lady never stutters,” Cora reprimanded her daughter. 

 

“I had to go back for school reasons.” Yes, Regina, that sounded totally believable. Of course your mother will believe that carefully crafted life, you deserve what is coming for you if that's the best you can come up with. 

 

Regina knew what was coming, and she moved back out of reflex despite knowing that moving away only made it worse. Cora moved closer to Regina, crowding into Regina's face and Regina backed away further, straight into the wall. There was no place for her to go, no place to hide, and Regina wasn't sure if she wanted to. She believed that whatever was happening, she deserved it. She knew what happened when she lied to her mother, and poorly at that as well. 

 

“That was clearly a lie, Regina,” Cora's voice was cold and void of all emotion. Regina could almost feel her mother's breath on her face. 

 

“I'm sorry, Mother,” Regina tried to counter. She could do this. She knew she could. 

 

“I don't want you to be sorry. I want you to tell me the truth,” Cora said, and put her hand on Regina's shoulder.

 

“I didn't want to deal with all the questions,” Regina said, and it was the truth. She really didn't want to. She didn't want to deal with any of it anymore. She wanted to just be _Regina_. But she also knew that that would never be enough for her mother.

 

Cora's grip on Regina's shoulder tightened and Regina could fell her mother's finger nails digging into her flesh. She tried to keep her face from showing the pain. Showing weakness only made it worse. “That party was important, Regina. Not just for your grandparents or myself, but for you and your future, you need to...” 

 

“But what if I don't want that?” Regina interrupted, and regretted it the moment she did. She barely flinched when she felt her mother's palm collide with her cheek. 

 

“You do not interrupt me, Regina,” Cora countered, and Regina nodded. 

 

“I know. You're right. I shouldn't have left,” Regina said. “That party would have helped me build necessary networks I need when I eventually take over the firm.” That lie fell easily off her lips, she knew it would. That is what she had been trained for, that is the line she had been fed since she was old enough to talk. 

 

“That's right,” Cora said and moved away from Regina, who felt like she could breathe again. 

 

“You can go now, dear. You have school in the morning,” Cora said, and Regina moved towards the door.

  
“Oh, and Regina darling,” Cora said. Regina stopped and turned around to face her mother again. 

 

“Yes, mother?”

 

“Don't ever do that again,” Cora said, and Regina felt the blood in her veins grow cold. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Time: The girls go back to school and Emma meets Cora. See you all in two weeks. Also a few notes, since I already moved Emma's birthday from October to May, I'm pushing Regina's birthday one month as well, so Regina's birthday will be March 1st instead of February 1st because I have big plans for her birthday but I wanted them to have been dating longer than the six weeks they would have if I made her birthday Feb 1st (which is Regina's birthday according to Lana)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The girls return to school and Emma meets Cora

Emma stepped out of Mary Margaret's car and took in everything around her. The school was still covered in snow. It wasn't as early as Emma was used to on Monday's since MM didn't have soccer practice right after Christmas break, and Emma thankfully didn't have any algebra she needed Regina to help her with. They had agreed to meet before school anyway. Emma had a feeling that Regina knew that those early sessions on Monday's were the only reason why Emma no longer despised Mondays. 

 

Things were still up in the air regarding how they would treat their relationship at school. Emma wanted the world to know that she somehow had gotten Regina Mills to date her, but she also knew that this was something that had to happen at Regina's speed. She remembered how nervous she had been last year. How she felt everything was changing, and she wasn't Regina freakin' Mills. Nobody cared about her, or the fact that she was gay. Maybe if she had been the first, but with Katie and Fiona being the reigning couple of Storybrooke High, the news that a freshman had come out as gay was not enough to make any kids of headlines at their school. The news that Regina Mills is dating said now-sophomore was a different beast all together. 

 

Even with all the stuff that had gone down at the dance and right before it, with Fiona and Katie being back together – and people collecting whatever bet they had on them – with Mary Margaret finding out about James and Jack, and her leaving with Graham, the news that Regina Mills was dating a girl would still be big news and Emma understood why Regina might want to keep a low profile. She understood, but that didn't mean she didn't want to walk through the halls holding Regina's hand, or kiss her good morning or goodbye before class. She wanted it all, but she was willing to wait for Regina. She was willing to do anything for Regina. 

 

“Hi,” Emma heard behind her, and turned around to face her girlfriend. She wanted to kiss her, but she knew that Regina wasn't ready for that. 

 

“Hi,” Emma said.

 

“I missed you,” Regina admitted, and Emma felt her heart swell. How did she get this lucky? After spending all of this time longing for Regina, after spending all this time wanting just this? Regina was hers, and Emma didn't care that she couldn't shout it from the roof. 

 

“You saw me yesterday,” Emma laughed. “It hasn't even been 24 hours, Regina.”

 

“It felt longer,” Regina admitted. 

 

“I kinda missed you too,” Emma said and winked. 

 

“Did you just wink at me, Miss Swan-Blanchard?” Regina said, acting scandalized.

 

“Yes. I did,” Emma said, and smiled.“Come on. You have places to be,” Emma teased, and the two girls made their way towards the school. Emma couldn't keep her eyes of Regina as they walked. Regina was beautiful; she was always so beautiful to Emma. Emma knew that Regina was still figuring things out, but that didn't matter to Emma. Because Regina was hers. And that was all that mattered. 

 

As they walked into school, Emma felt Regina's hand find hers. Emma almost squealed at the touch. The act was clearly romantic, and Regina had clearly made a choice about what she wanted to do at school. She was willing to claim Emma as her own, and Emma had never been happier about anything. 

 

“I thought you wanted to wait…” Emma said, surprised but not letting go of Regina's hand.

 

“Turns out, I'd rather hold my girlfriend's hand in public,” Regina said, and the smile that formed on her face made Emma's day complete. 

 

“You sure?” Emma asked, still holding Regina's hand firmly. This is what she wanted.

 

“I'm sick of hiding, Emma,” Regina admitted. “I've been doing it for so long, I've almost forgotten how not to. So yeah, I'm sure.”

 

“That makes me happy,” Emma said, and smiled. 

 

“Mission accomplished then,” Regina said.

 

“God, you're such a nerd sometimes,” Emma teased. 

 

A couple of people gave them looks, but no one said anything. Emma doubted they would say anything to Regina's face, people respected her too much. She also knew that the news would travel the school before the day was over, but she wasn't worried about it going beyond that. Most of school gossip stayed at school, because students knew that there were things that parents should never know. 

 

As they made their way to the media room, they noticed Graham was already there, standing outside the room.

 

“I forgot my keys,” he said sheepishly as the two girls came nearer. 

 

“Of course you did,” Regina said, and rolled her eyes. 

 

“So, we decided to bravely fly our rainbow flags I see?” Graham joked when he realized the two girls were holding hands. Emma could tell he was only messing with them, and that whatever bitterness he had showed over the holiday was gone. Whatever Graham and Regina had talked about the night before had clearly helped him understand and accept the two of them. 

 

“Haha,” Emma said, but very conscious of the fact that Regina didn't let go of her hand. “You're very funny.”

 

“I try,” Graham said. “But seriously though. This is a thing?” He gestured to the two of them. “I mean, at school. I know it's a _thing_.” 

 

“You're very well spoken, Mr. Humbert,” Regina teased.

 

“Whatever. It's like eight in the morning, on a M _onday._ We can't all be as on spot as you, Ms. Mills,” Graham shot back. “Also I though you wanted to wait before coming out or whatever at school.”

 

“I'm sick of waiting,” Regina said. “I'm not going to make an announcement or anything, but I'm not going to hide it either,” Regina squeezed Emma's hand and Emma smiled.

 

“Good,” Graham said. “I mean it, I want you to be happy. Both you.” 

 

“Thank you,” Regina said, and for the first time let go of Emma's hand so she could hug Graham. Emma felt the loss of Regina's hand but understood the need for a hug. She still didn't know everything that went down between them, but she knew their relationship was special. And where there once was jealousy for Graham's past with Regina, there were now only gratefulness. She was really happy that Regina had someone like Graham in her life. She was glad that _she_ had someone like Graham in her life. And she hoped that he would stay in their lives for a very long time to come. 

 

“Did you come with your sister?” Graham asked, and Emma had to laugh about how casual he tried to be. Emma knew that they hadn't really talked since New Year’s despite Graham kissing Mary Margaret. It was making her sister nervous, but Emma knew that Graham was just trying to give Mary Margaret her space to figure out her own feelings without him crowding her. Emma wasn't worried though. She knew everything was going to turn out the way it was intended. 

 

“Yeah. She said something about talking to Rory about some soccer stuff, I didn't really pay attention. So she’s here somewhere,” Emma said. “Don't worry, Loverboy. She's into you.” 

 

“Did she say something?” Graham asked, almost too fast and too eager causing Regina to laugh next to her.

 

“Just talk to her, Graham. She wants what you want,” Emma said. “But if you break her heart, I will beat you to death with a shovel.”

 

“A vague disclaimer is no one's friend?” Graham asked, before smiling.

 

“No, but I mean it,” Emma added to make sure that Graham knew, in spite of the reference, that she would beat him up if he broke her heart. 

 

“I know,” Graham said. “And I'll try my best.” 

 

“I know you will. You're a good guy, Graham,” Emma said. 

 

“Are you going to bail on me to go looking for Mary Margaret?” Regina asked in her sweetest tone, which Emma knew she used only so that Graham would feel bad and stay.

 

“Of course not,” Graham said. “It's our first announcement back. We need to be on fire. I can talk to her later. I probably should talk to her later.”

 

“You have matching lunch periods. Talk to her then,” Emma suggested. “She was a little distressed about what to do at lunch because of James. She was actually kinda nervous to come to school at all.” 

 

James had really messed with her sister, and Emma hated him for it. First he'd broken Ruby's heart and now her sister's. He's lucky Emma hadn't seen him since then, because he was due for one hell of a smack down. Emma probably wouldn't give it to him, mostly because she was sure to lose and also because she knew that the school had an anti-violence policy, so beating him up during school hours would lead to her getting suspended, and she really didn't need a suspension on her record. 

 

“He's an ass,” Graham said. “He always has been. I don't understand how he and David are twins. David is the sweetest person to ever set foot on this planet and James is the complete opposite.”

 

“I guess David got all of the good genes, and James was left with the rest,” Emma joked. “But yeah, he's an ass. And MM is so much better off without him. I just wish she would have realized that five months ago.”

  
“We all live and learn,” Regina said. “Some mistakes we just have to make.” 

 

“I guess you're right,” Emma said and smiled. The last four or so months had been complicated to say the least. There had been heartbreak and there had been laughter, and pain, so much pain, but she wouldn't trade it for anything because it led her to this moment, this moment were Regina Mills was her girlfriend, and Graham Humbert one of her best friends. She couldn't even have dreamed about this, that moment when she walked into Regina all those months ago. 

 

“But you have algebra, and we have a broadcast to do,” Regina said. 

 

“I don't have to go yet…” Emma whined. “I can stay until after your broadcast is done.”

 

“Or you could give Mrs. Baker a heart attack and actually show up to class on time. You can watch the broadcast from one of the many screens Simpson so generously donated to this school,” Regina teased.

 

“I hate you sometimes,” Emma said, the smile still very visible on her face. 

 

“No, you don't,” Regina countered.

 

“Not even a little bit,” Emma said, before looking around and placing a peck on Regina's lips. “I'll see you later then.”

 

“Yeah,” Regina said, and Emma walked away. 

 

Just as she turned the corner she heard Graham say, “You're so whipped,” and then what Emma could only guess was the sound of Regina hitting Graham fairly hard. She was laughing as she made her way to her locker to get her algebra books. 

 

The rest of the day went by in a blur of school and Regina. Nothing much had happened. No one had made any comments, except for the poor freshman who had walked in on them making out in student council room when he was looking for another room. Regina had properly scared him away and the two girls had continued their make out sessions. Emma started to believe that dating the student body president had its perks. And if this was how she would be spending her lunch hour on Mondays, she would never complain about Mondays ever again. 

 

School was over, and Regina, Graham and Emma were hanging out in the student council room as usual. Emma was waiting for Ruby to show up, as Graham and Regina were working on something or another for student council. Emma hadn't really paid attention. She'd been too busy admiring Regina at work. She had spent so much time denying herself the simple pleasure of looking at Regina in full work-mode, but she now felt like she had every right to ogle her girlfriend while she was hard at work. There was little in this world that was more sexy for Emma than to look at Regina in full president-mode. 

 

Emma heard the door open, and forced her eyes away from Regina for only a moment to confirm that it was in fact her best friend that was entering the room, and not someone else. Ruby removed her backpack and put it on the floor, before sitting down on the couch next to Emma. 

 

“So you two are quite the talk of the school,” Ruby said. Emma had figured as much. Even if no one said anything to them, Ruby always had her ear to the hottest gossip at this school. 

 

“Oh, what for?” Regina asked, feigning surprise. “I can't think of a single notable thing we would have done that would be reason for such gossip.”

 

“You mean other than scarring a poor freshman for life?” Ruby asked.

 

“Oh, that,” Regina said. “Well, he should learn to knock.” 

 

Graham laughed. “Or you could stop making out with your girlfriend in this very room, or at the very least lock the door.”

 

“Where’s the fun in that?” Regina teased, and Emma's heart swelled at how open and free Regina was. She had been afraid that she would freak out when they were caught, or when it became quite obvious that they would be the main topic of gossip for quite a while, but she had just laughed it off. She seemed freer than Emma had ever seen her, and that made her happy. 

 

“You're okay with this right?” Emma asked, wanting to make sure. “I mean yesterday you didn't even know if you wanted to be out at school, and now we're _everywhere._ ” 

 

“They'll tire of us eventually,” Regina said. “And besides, I'm Regina Mills. I can handle anything. But if you're asking, no, I don't regret it. There's nothing to regret. But if you're feeling insecure, I'm sure I can manage to keep my hands to myself.”

 

“Don't you even dare,” Emma said, and got out of the couch and walked over to Regina and kissed her. “It's the best part.” 

 

“It's going to be like this all the time, isn't it?” Ruby asked when the two girls seemed lost to everyone but themselves.

 

“I'm afraid so,” Graham said and laughed before turning his attention back to whatever it was he was working on.

 

“Good,” Ruby said and smiled. “They deserve it.”

 

\- - - -

 

“I want to take you out on a date. A proper one,” Emma said as she and Regina walked home from school on Thursday afternoon. It was cold out, but the sun was shining and it was the best weather they'd had all week. Regina had ridden in with Graham that morning, so she didn't have her car and she had plans to meet Katheryn to work on a project for English at the library so Emma was walking her there, planning on going to Granny's afterwards. 

 

“Really?” Regina asked. “And what does a proper date mean?”

 

Emma wanted to woo Regina, and she had big plans to do so. But for those plans to be able to come to fruition she needed warmer weather and help from Graham. Maybe even Fiona as well. She would have to figure that out. But for now she’d settle for being a typical teenager, and maybe that was what both of them needed anyway. Just a regular date without any additional pressures. 

 

“Nothing special. I'm saving that for later date. Mostly one where we won't freeze to death outdoors,” Emma said, and grabbed Regina's hand. She had gotten used walking together like that, hand in hand. Emma had never thought of herself as a person who would particularly enjoy hand-holding, but as most things Emma thought she would never do, Regina had proven her wrong. “I was thinking mostly just dinner someplace semi-fancy and catching a movie at the Box. I know that big movie is premiering this week, but I kinda want to go and see Pretty in Pink instead.”

 

“I'm always up for Molly Ringwald. I would love to go on a date with you, Ms. Swan-Blanchard,” Regina said, and kissed her girlfriend briefly. 

 

“Tomorrow fine?” Emma asked. “Is your mom still going to be in town?” Emma asked, slightly worried. Regina's mother had been in town all week, and it had left Regina a little on edge. It was unusual to see Regina like that. It was clear that Regina's mother made her nervous, but after what she told her about what happened with Fiona, Emma wasn't surprised she was a little jumpy. Her mother had made it pretty clear how she felt about homosexuality, and Emma didn't blame Regina for wanting to keep her mother in the dark. 

 

“No,” Regina said, and Emma could see she was relieved. “She’s leaving tomorrow morning. She has to go back to New York.”

 

“So, we're on for the date?” Emma asked, almost giddy. If Emma Swan-Blanchard did giddy, that is. She didn't. At least that was what she kept telling herself. 

  
“Yes, do you want me to pick you up?” Regina asked.

 

“No, it's bad enough that I can't drive. I'm going to pick _you_ up, or I mean, not like pick you up. I'm going to meet you at your place and you're driving where we need to be. But it's the closest we're gonna get.”

 

“Emma, you don't need to. I live on the other side of town from you, how are you gonna get there?” Regina asked. “I can pick you up. It's not a problem for me.”

 

“I'm gonna be on that side of town tomorrow anyway…” Emma said. She hadn't told Regina about her appointments with Doctor Hooper yet. She didn't want to scare her away, but it wasn't like she was hiding the fact that she was in therapy from Regina, it just hadn't really come up yet. 

 

“Okay...” Regina said carefully. “Do you mind if I ask why?” 

 

“No, not really,” Emma said. She wanted Regina to know her. All of her, and that included all the ugly parts. Regina had certainly given Emma a look at her less than perfect parts, and if Emma was being honest, those were the parts of Regina she liked the most. The parts she didn't really show to anyone else, except maybe Graham. Emma loved the darker parts of Regina, because she recognized herself in those. 

 

“You don't mind if I ask, or you don't want to tell me? It's fine either way, I mean every girl is entitled a secret right?”

 

“I'm fine telling you,” Emma said after a short pause. She had always appreciated how Regina never pushed her to open up, really understood that Emma needed time to figure out what to say, how to be, time to consider the options before choosing one. “Dr. Hopper's office is on that side of town,” Emma started. “He's a therapist, and I've been seeing him since I moved here.”

 

“Do you see him often?” Regina asked. “Or is that something you shouldn't ask someone? Is that like asking someone about their sexuality or whether they've had sex or not?”

 

Emma laughed. “No, it's fine. Or it's fine because it's you and I want you to know everything. You were so honest with me, and I want to be that way with you. I see him a couple of times a month, if I don't need to see him more.”

 

“Need to?” Regina asked, and Emma could tell she wasn't judging. She was just curious and she wanted to know every part of Emma. She was patient and kind, and Emma felt blessed for it.

 

“I'm a little messed up inside,” Emma confessed. “And I run. I was deemed a flight risk in the foster system, stamped a “problem” child. I would probably never have gotten adopted if dad hadn't taken a chance on me when my file came across his desk. When I get overwhelmed, I run,” Emma tried explaining. She never really knew why she ran; it was just a part of her. Something she had always done. She figured it was easier to leave herself than to be left behind. 

 

“So every once in a while, when things get bad, when I start believing that I don't deserve to be here, or that I will be left behind again, I leave. I don't run away anymore. I just hide away for a couple of days. I stay at Granny's. It gives me the opportunity to run, without actually running. I can be alone, and I can figure out the mess in my head. Dad agreed on two conditions; I can spend a couple of nights away if the world becomes too much, if I always tell him that I’m going and that I always see Archie – Dr. Hopper – when I’m ready to return to the world.”

 

“I get that,” Regina said, and Emma felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. “I mean, I run too. Not like you do. I take Rocinante and I just ride; sometimes for hours. Riding makes me forget who I am, forget everything that is expected of me. I guess I have my own form of escape.”

 

Emma knew then, she knew she was in love with Regina. Like proper, head over heels in love with her. They'd been dating for two weeks, and Emma knew it was insane, but she loved her. She had fallen for her long before that dance. She had been slowly falling in love with Regina for months and it just hit her. She was in love with Regina Mills. 

 

“I guess we all need to get away from the world every now and again?” Emma said, and noticed that they were almost at the library.

 

“I guess,” Regina said as they stopped outside the library. Emma was unsure of what to do next. She still felt vulnerable from her confession about therapy and the realization that she was in love with Regina. There really was no going back now. She was in this. 

 

“Just don't ever run from me, okay?” Emma said, the vulnerability obvious in her tone. She knew that Regina had a tendency to run when people got too close. She had done it with Graham and with Fiona. And Emma hoped with all of her heart that Regina wouldn't do the same with her.

 

“I'm right here,” Regina said. “And I’m not going anywhere.” Regina squeezed her hand, and Emma felt her heart calm. Regina was here and Regina was with her. She hadn't run anywhere. 

 

“I know,” Emma said, and leaned in to kiss her gently. It was a quick kiss but it was filled with emotion. “I'll see you tomorrow.”

 

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

 

\- - - -

 

Emma was nervous as she walked up to the front of Regina's house. The gate had been left unlocked and Emma had taken that as a sign that Regina wanted her to just ring the doorbell. She brought an extra set of clothes to school, and she had changed in the bathroom at Archie's office. She was wearing black slacks, and a deep red turtleneck halter and her trusty black leather jacket. 

 

She hadn't wanted to dress up too much. Emma had no problems wearing a dress if the occasion called for it, but she was always going to be more comfortable wearing pants. Besides, they were going to dinner and then to the Box. She was saving all her super impressive stuff for the big date she was busy planning for the spring. 

 

Just as she was about to ring the doorbell, Regina popped out of the door. She looked incredible; then again Regina always looked incredible. She was wearing black tights, a white lace dress and a dark blazer, her long hair flowed naturally and Emma was taken back at just how beautiful her girlfriend was. 

 

“Hi,” Emma said, and moved in to kiss her. She was confused when Regina backed away from her kiss. “Is something wrong?”

 

“Mother is home,” Regina said, and everything fell into place for Emma.

 

“I thought you said she was leaving for New York this morning,” Emma said. Her hand moved up towards her necklace and she started playing with it. It was a nervous tick she'd had for years, and Cora Mills being home was certainly enough to set it off. 

 

“She decided to stay,” Regina said, and Emma could tell that Regina was worried about something. She didn't know very much about Regina's mother, but from what she had gathered Cora didn't spend very much time in Storybrooke anymore.

 

“Do you want to cancel?” Emma asked, a little worried. She's looked forward to spending the night with Regina. But she knew that Regina's mother was strict and Regina was worried about her finding out, so if Regina wanted to cancel, Emma would. In a heartbeat.

 

“No!” Regina said, and Emma had to smile at how enthusiastic she was. It was clear that Regina was looking forward to this night as much as Emma. 

 

“Then what?” Emma asked, slightly worried about what Regina would ask of her. If Regina wanted her to leave so Regina could pick her up down the road, Emma would. Emma would do almost anything for Regina. 

 

“Mother wants to meet you,” Regina said, and Emma had to admit that was the last thing she expected Regina to say. Just the idea of meeting Regina's mother terrified her. She wasn't good with parents. Actually, she was terrible with them. 

 

“Oh…” was the only answer Emma managed to form. She hadn't prepared for this. She usually needed preparation for stuff like this. Parents terrified her, and especially Regina's mother. The Mills' were practically royalty in this town. Emma was sure that the Mills' probably had more influence in Storybrooke than the Mayor himself did. And this was her girlfriend's mother. She knew that Mrs. Mills couldn't know that, but still she was meeting her girlfriend’s mother. She'd never met a girlfriend’s mother before. She never met Fiona's parents, their relationship never really reaching that degree of seriousness. 

 

“Yeah. I know. But we're friends. Just friends,” Regina said, and Emma could feel her girlfriend’s nerves. She was worried about this, Emma could tell. 

 

“Hey, I get it,” Emma said, and took Regina's hand making sure that it was out of view from anyone who might be watching from the house. “I understand.”

 

“Also we're meeting Graham and Mary Margaret there. Also they’re not dating. This is a group thing, not a double date,” Regina rambled, and Emma couldn't help but find it slightly adorable. Seeing the sides of Regina that weren't perfect was what made her fall in love with her. She loved those parts of Regina. She loved Regina, and she wanted so badly to tell her. The I Love You was hanging on her lips, but it was too soon. She didn't want to scare her away. 

 

“Whatever you say your majesty,” Emma joked instead. 

 

“Still not a queen, Ms. Swan-Blanchard,” Regina said almost laughing. 

 

“You're my queen,” Emma said in a near whisper, and she wanted so badly to kiss her. But she couldn't risk it with Mrs. Mills being home. 

 

“Oh shut it,” Regina laughed and Emma's heart swelled. She wanted to spend her life making Regina laugh like that. “Let's get this over with.”

 

Regina let go of Emma's hand, and the two girls entered the foyer of the house. It looked exactly like Emma had imagined; well, not exactly, as she had imagined a replica of Richard and Emily's house from Gilmore Girls, but it was scarily close. 

 

Regina moved towards what Emma assumed was some sort of sitting area, and gestured for Emma to join her. When she got into the room, she was taken aback at the sheer elegance and size of it. It was incredible. Emma hadn't seen anything like it before. She'd thought Graham's house had been impressive, but compared to the Mills Mansion, the Humbert House looked like a shack. Emma didn't think she could be more impressed. 

 

Well, Cora Mills proved her wrong. Cora entered the room, and Emma was once again taken aback at the presence that was Cora Mills. She owned the room. It was like she took control of everything and everyone around her, and Emma was in awe. Cora Mills was the most impressive human being she had ever seen. 

 

“Hello. You must be Miss Swan-Blanchard,” Cora said and even her voice was powerful. Emma realized now why Graham called her intimidating, because she truly was. 

 

“Hi, Mrs. Mills,” Emma tried her best to sound professional, and not show how nervous she was about all of this. 

 

“Oh please, call me Cora,” Cora said and Emma knew one thing, she would never call her Cora no matter how much the woman told her too. “Regina dear, could you please pour us some drinks?”

 

“Of course, Mother. But we have reservations and can't stay long,” Regina said, and Emma could swear she saw Regina flinch. 

 

“Oh, right. What is it you are doing again?” Cora asked Emma, and Emma couldn't help the feeling that Cora was trying to catch them in a lie.

 

“We're going out to dinner with my sister and Graham, and then we’re seeing a movie,” Emma said, hoping the answer was good enough for Cora, not asking where they were going to eat or what they were going to see. 

 

“That's sounds _cozy,_ ” Cora said, and Emma was reminded of a foster mother she had, one of the last ones, and it was not a good memory. She had been cold and calculating, and Emma always felt she didn't particularly like her. 

 

“Yes, we've been doing it a couple of times a month since school started up again,” Regina said, and while it wasn’t a direct lie – they had been hanging out a lot in the last few months – it was different now. So very different. They'd all coupled off, so even if Mary Margaret and Graham were coming, it would be a _date_ , not just hanging out. 

 

“I see,” Cora said, and Emma wasn't quite sure what it was she believed she was seeing. Cora Mills freaked Emma out because she was impossible to read. Her first impression stood undisputed. Cora Mills was a power, and she was not to be messed with. Emma realized so much about how Regina had reacted, not only to the kiss, but the whole saga of Fiona. “So, Ms. Swan-Blanchard, do you have a boyfriend?” Cora asked, and Emma was taken aback by the question. Maybe she should have expected it, and the look on Regina's face confirmed that the truth would not be an acceptable answer.

 

“No, Mrs. Mills. I don't,” Emma paused, before adding, “I just broke up with someone.”

 

“Oh, dear. I am terribly sorry,” Cora said, and it was obvious in her tone of voice that Cora didn't really care one way or another that Emma had been dumped. 

 

“We weren't meant to be,” Emma said, always very carefully not to use pronouns. If Cora wants to believe that Emma is straight, that is not something she would care to rectify. She knew what happened with Fiona, and that was someone Regina had known her whole life. She didn't want to find out what would happen if Cora demanded that Regina stay away from her. 

 

“Thank you, dear,” Cora said as Regina gave her mother a glass of whiskey. 

 

“Mother, we really need to get going...” Regina said carefully. Emma got the impression that Regina was trying not to upset her mother, but also wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Or get Emma out of there as soon as possible at the very least. 

 

“Yes, of course,” Cora said, and Emma could swear she saw Cora tighten, as if she was unused to Regina talking to her in that way, almost pushing. “It was very nice to meet you, Emma.”

 

“And you, Mrs. Mills,” Emma said, and all in all Emma believed she had gotten through the conversation without too many problems. Yes, Cora Mills was intimidating, and elegant, and pretty much everything Emma was not, but she felt like she had managed herself just fine, and her reward was to be able to spend the evening with Regina. And that thought was enough to make her smile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Emma survived her first meeting with Cora intact. Also I hate to do this, but I would really like it if more of you would leave comments just so I know people are still reading (and hopefully enjoying it). I won't stop posting or change the schedule if people don't comment, but it makes it easier to write knowing that people are enjoying the story. Next time: The girls get a little carried away, Regina shares a part of herself she never told anyone, and decides she wants to throw a dance.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you missed it, this chapter makes the increase of the rating from a T to an M, so proceed with caution. Trigger warnings for past self-harm and implied depression.

Over the past two weeks, Regina and Emma had found themselves in several situations where they had to physically remove themselves from each other so that they would stop before going to far. She loved making out with Emma, and she knew that she wanted more. But she also knew that Emma wasn't ready. They hadn't really talked about yet and Regina didn't really give much thought to this idea that your virginity is something that had to be saved or treasured, but she wanted Emma to feel safe her first time, to be sure. She didn't want Emma to throw away her first time the same way that she had.  She also knew that there were things Emma needed to know before they went that far, things she needed to share, but she was terrified to. Emma already knew more about her than anyone else ever had, she'd seen the dark and twisted parts of her, and she had stayed. But Regina was still so scared of being vulnerable, of letting Emma all the way in. 

 They were kissing on Emma's bed, their bodies moving the tune with their hearts.  “Regina,” Emma moaned, and Regina knew she was growing aroused at the thought. But she also knew she had to stop it. They had to stop. This wasn't the time or the place to do this. They needed to talk about it first. Properly talk about it. About sex and about other things  that Regina needed to let Emma know before they took that step. 

Emma moved to lift Regina's shirt of her, but Regina stopped her  “Look there’s something you need to know,” Regina said, stopping Emma from moving any further. 

She knew that if Emma removed her shirt, she would most likely see the scars on Regina's body. They were faded, barely visible in this light, but Regina felt like Emma needed to know before they went that far. This felt different to Regina. She'd never felt it before, this need to share the dark parts of herself with someone else.

 

“What is it?” Emma asked, worried, and Regina knew she could sense the change of her mood. Not bad, but into something else, something more serious.

 

“I'm not sure how to say it, or where to start,” Regina said. She had never told anyone this before. The only person who actually knew was her father, and that wasn't her choice.

 

Emma reached over and took Regina's hand in hers. “I can see that this is something you feel you need to tell me, but it's your choice. I will never make you do anything you don't want to,” Emma said, and squeezed Regina's hand.

 

Regina felt safe with Emma, always. It was the first time she had felt this way about anyone or anything. That she was always completely safe in her arms. She could do this. Emma had never rejected her for anything. She never looked at her as anything less than what she was.

 

“Last summer, when everyone thought I was working at Mills International, I was hospitalized,” Regina said, the words coming out almost as one, and barely above a whisper.

 

“What?” Emma asked. “Are you sick?”

 

“No,” Regina said. “Not like you’re thinking,” Regina said, before lifting her shirt carefully, showing the scars on her stomach. “I...” Regina said, not managing to say the words; not even now. She spent two months in therapy but still felt like such a failure.

 

“You did that, didn't you?” Emma said, and pulled Regina into a hug. The hug took Regina by surprise, and it took her some time before she was able to return it.

 

“I was such a mess last year,” Regina said, the two girls still holding each other close. Regina was unable to let Emma go. “I don't know what broke the camel's back, but I started partying a lot, and I was in so much pain, and the cutting was the only pain I could control.” The words were just pouring out of Regina. The girls broke apart because Regina needed to look Emma in the eyes when she said this. “So, things were falling to pieces and dad figured it out. I don’t know how, but he did, and he convinced my mother that me spending three months in Europe working for International would be a good idea. It's the only time I've ever seen him stand up to her. I spent two months in a private hospital in Zurich. No one knows, especially not mother. She doesn't accept weakness.”

 

“Hey look at me,” Emma said, and again took Regina's hands in hers. “What you went through doesn't make you weak, it makes you _strong._ ”

 

“I'm not used to being this vulnerable,” Regina admitted.

 

“I'm always going to be here, and I'm always going to support you,” Emma said, leaning in and kissing Regina softly. None of the passion of their previous kisses was there, it was just kind and supporting, and Regina wondered how this wonderful girl ever came into her life and what she did to deserve her.  The situation had cooled down, and both girls realized that they weren't going to continue where they left off before Regina had stopped them. It was probably for the best. They weren't ready for anything more, but Regina had to admit that she couldn't wait to feel like that again.

 

“So, should we maybe try to do your algebra homework?” Regina asked after a couple of minutes of just being with each other. The silence was never awkward between them and the mood of the room had shifted from passionate to compassionate. Regina knew that Emma was there for her, and that she didn't judge her, and for the first time in a very long time Regina felt like everything might turn out alright.

 

“If we have to,” Emma said, and kissed Regina softly before getting up, grabbing her backpack and putting everything on the bed.

 

Yeah, Regina thought, everything is going to work out alright.

–

“So, I have an idea, but I don’t know if we're going to be able to pull it off,” Regina said on a late Monday afternoon. Somehow the social planning committee had become Regina, Ruby, Graham, Emma, Mary Margaret, and Peter. If you were to ask Regina how they had ended up becoming such a committee she would have no idea, but ever since the success of the Winter Ball, they had started discussing other ideas after school.

 

They weren't anything official, but the truth was, the six of them spent most afternoons in that student council office, just hanging out anyway. Over the past six months, it had just happened gradually and Regina was grateful. Last year, it had mostly been her and Graham on everything, and she loved Graham but this felt better somehow. She had friends, real friends for the first time since Fiona-gate. And Regina was nothing if not efficient, so since they were already there, it would make sense to multi-task and maybe she had tricked most of them into agreeing, but she knew that none of them minded.

 

“Oh, I am pretty sure we'll be able to pull off everything we want to,” Emma said. “We're unstoppable.”

 

“You're pretty arrogant at times, Ms. Swan-Blanchard,” Regina teased her girlfriend. Emma was sitting on the couch with Ruby and Peter, Mary Margaret was sitting on top of the table and Graham was sitting next to her.

 

“Confident, Madam President,” Emma countered, and Ruby made a gagging sound next to her.

 

“Can we hear the idea, or do we have to suffer through more of this bickering?” Ruby asked. Regina knew the younger girl was only messing with them, and didn’t actually have anything against the bickering that had become so familiar to her and Emma over the past couple of months. Bickering with Emma was her favorite activity.

 

“I want to hold an LGBT Valentine’s Day dance, strictly for those who identify on the spectrum, a place where they can bring their dates, where dress codes don't limit guys from wearing dresses or girls from wearing tuxes if they want to,” Regina said. She had been thinking about this for a while. This idea of a completely safe space for LGBT people and their dates, where there would, in theory, be no judging or anyone hiding away.

 

“You do know that Valentine's Day is less than a month away? That we can't have it at school, because all school functions have to be inclusive for everyone, and that you generally freak out if you have less than four months to plan an event?” Grahamsaid, obviously confused about Regina’s carefreeness.

 

“Yes,” Regina said, and shrugged. “I'm trying something new this year.”

 

“What, being a lesbian?” Emma teased, and Regina retaliated by throwing her pen at Emma and hitting her right in the head.

 

“You're an ass,” Regina teased. “But no, I was talking about taking more chances and being a little less uptight.”

  
“Well that too,” Emma said, rubbing her head where Regina hit her with the pen. “So what are you thinking, I mean beyond having a dance?”

 

“I'm still planning. I know I can get Killian to play. He thinks he is better than all of this but he totally owes me one.”

 

“You can say that again,” Graham added, and Regina realized that Graham still blamed Killian partly for what went down last year, and she couldn't blame him. It had been a mess for all them.

 

“And Simpson said that we could use the gym as long as we don't call it a school event, and pay for it. He won't want a lot of money, but we can scramble up whatever we need. I think the budget allows for it.”

 

“So this is going to be LGBT only right?” Ruby asked. “Or is that more open?”

 

“Both. I mean I don't want to open it up to everyone, but like I want those who identify on the spectrum to be able to bring whomever they want.”

 

“That includes bisexuals in relationships with the opposite sex right?” Peter asked. “I mean, we have a tendency of getting excluded at LGBT events because we're apparently straight when we are in relationships with the opposite sex.”

 

“Yeah, you and Ruby are more than welcome,” Regina said. “I meant when I said that I want it to be a safe environment for everyone. The point of this is just having a dance where people can feel safe to come, and be themselves. We're gonna invite people from the neighboring cities as well. Not all of the schools around here are as open as we are.”

 

“I think that's a great idea, Regina,” Mary Margaret said. “And Graham and I will help, despite being boring heterosexuals.”

 

“I never said boring,” Emma said barely above a whisper, but still loud enough for Mary Margaret to hear.

 

“Actually you did, several times over the past year,” Mary Margaret teased. “But whatever, I think it's a great idea.”

 

“Whatever,” Emma said pouting, and Regina had to admit that Emma pouting was one of the most adorable things she had ever seen. 

 

“But this means we have a lot of work to do. I have never planned a dance with this little time before, and there are so many things we need to work out before we can even think about sending out invites.”

 

“The GSA has something like a partnership with some of the other school's GSAs. I can ask around and see if anyone wants to help,” Emma said.

 

“Look at you, taking initiative for something,” Ruby said, and was answered only by a punch in her arm. “I'm supposed to be your best friend, and this is how you treat me.”

 

“Yes,” Emma said, causing both Graham and Mary Margaret to laugh. “And you are my best friend.”

 

“I know,” Ruby said, and flung her arms around Emma, encompassing her. Regina looked at all the people in this room and she couldn't fight the feeling that this felt like family.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: more dance planning, Emma and Mary Margaret finally meet the woman Leo has been dating, and Emma and Ruby talk about sex. Also thank you all so much for all the wonderful comments I got on the last chapter. 
> 
> Also side-note, it looks like we are actually getting canon bisexual Ruby, and she is one of three characters in this fic that is one hundred percent straight. (But like I am all here for bisexual!Ruby and Red Warrior (I know most people is calling them Mulan Rouge, but like Red Warrior was already in my head) though.)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To the anon who was worried about the legality of Regina and Emma having sex, the age of consent in Maine is 16. Also Leo isn’t Leopold by any means; he is much younger (he and Eva had MM when they were in their early 20s) and in my head played by Matthew Settle from Gossip Girl.

“What is the deal with Regina and Mary Margaret?” Ruby asked. Ruby and Emma were sitting in Ruby’s room. It was one of the rare occasion in which Emma and Regina were not spending the afternoon together.  Regina was stuck at school working at the paper, and Emma had decided that maybe it was time she hung out with her best friend. She had to admit that since getting together with Regina she had been ignoring her friends. She had become that person she swore she would never be.

“What are you talking about?” Emma asked, confused. She hadn’t really noted anything going on between her sister and her girlfriend. But then again, Emma hadn’t really been paying attention to much of anyone or anything in the last week. She was too busy worrying about the fact that she and Regina had gotten very close to having sex, that sex was going to happen, and it was going to happen soon.

“Regina’s avoiding looking her in the eyes or talking directly to her, and when she does she blushes. I’ve never seen Regina Mills blush at anything in the months I’ve known her. And I’ve seen her being flirted with and complimented and god knows what else, because she is Regina _freakin’_ Mills.”

“Oh, that,” Emma said. She hadn’t really noticed it, but she knew why. Of course she knew why. Because Regina was embarrassed; truly so. And Emma couldn’t help but find that incredibly adorable. “That may have something to with the fact that she’s a little off put because Mary Margaret saw her half naked straddling me in my bedroom on Thursday.”

“What?” Ruby exclaimed, and practically jumped out of the chair she was sitting in. Emma wasn’t surprised at all. Ruby had always been overly interested in Emma’s love life and maybe especially in her sex life despite the fact that she didn’t really have one. Except the one instance with Fiona where things had carried on a little; and, well, dreams.

“Well, yeah,” Emma said. “We got a little carried away, and I may have forgotten to check if MM was home, and you know the bathroom door only locks on the bathroom side.”

“Are you guys..?” Ruby trailed off, and Emma had to say she was surprised at Ruby’s non-candor. She had always been very candid about sex. But she appreciated it, where Ruby had always been very open about these things, Emma had been more laid back. Mostly it had been about her dating guys she was not attracted to, and which she had no plans to sleep with whatsoever. But it was also about the fact that it felt too personal to her, something more than what she was supposed to share with those around her. Her walls were still up, built with diamond, super strong but slightly see-through.

“No. Not yet,” Emma admitted. “But I want to. And that scares me.”

“Of course you do and of course it does.” Ruby said. She walked over to Emma and sat next down to her. “You’re supposed to be scared.”

“Why?” Emma asked, and turning her head and looking Ruby right in her eyes. She really loved her best friend, more than she thought possible. Ruby had been her knight in shining armor, her savior in so many words. She had never really had any friends before Ruby – she had been too worried about having to move, switch schools, starting over – that the idea of having someone to miss made everything so much harder. But then she was in Storybrooke, and slowly she found people she cared about, people who she would miss if she had to leave, people who mattered to her. And Ruby was on top of that list. Her father and Mary Margaret were people she had no choice over, but she had chosen Ruby. And she was grateful for that every single day.

“Because you’re falling in love for the first time, and that is the scariest thing in the world. Well, other than war and taxes,” Ruby joked. “But seriously, Em. There’s nothing wrong with being scared about this.”

“I just wish it could be over. I mean the scary parts; I don’t want the rest to be over. I want that to last forever.” Emma said, and she really did. She wanted the butterflies to stay, and that feeling that she was unstoppable was the most amazing feeling.

“I know,” Ruby said. “It’s the most beautiful feeling in the world, but being scared is part of it. Being scared makes everything so much deeper, and that feeling is incredible. It will never feel this way again, Emma. The first one is incredible. I mean, I love Peter, I do. It’s wonderful and beautiful and I love him, but I’m not scared . Not like I was with Sam. Because I know where it’s going, I know what to do, and everything is wonderful.”

“I’m in love with her, Ruby, I’m in love with her and sooner rather than later, I’m going to sleep with her.” God that was the first time she ever said it out loud to anyone. She was in love with Regina. Head over heels in love with her, and there was really no going back.

Ruby reached over, took Emma’s hand, and squeezed it firmly. “I’m really happy for you, Em. You deserve this. You both do.”

“I haven’t told her. It’s way too soon for that. Hell, it’s too soon for most of this, but I can’t slow it down. I am pretty sure I don’t want to,” Emma said       .

“Look, you’re gonna figure out the sex thing. Humans have for thousands of years; you don’t have to sweat it. It’s going to be fine, and probably fun,” Ruby teased and winked. “And everything else will work itself out.”

“Thank you,” Emma said, and hugged Ruby. “You’re the best, Red.”

“I know.”

\---

 “You know you don’t have to avoid her like the plague?” Emma told Regina as the two of them were walking towards the student council room on Tuesday afternoon.

“What are you talking about?” Regina asked as they turned the corner.

“You’re cute when you pretend you don’t know stuff,” Emma said, and stopped Regina to place a quick kiss on her lips before they continued walking, Emma grabbing her hand. Holding Regina’s hand was quite frankly one of the best things Emma had ever done. Just the freedom of that, of being able to walk down the hall holding her girlfriend’s hand was everything. “I’m talking about my sister,” Emma said. “You’ve been avoiding her for almost a week, never looking her in the face. I get that you’re embarrassed, I do, but I’ve also seen way too many half naked guys in my life due to the fact that the doors to the shared bathroom only lock from the inside.”

“I’m working on it,” Regina said, and squeezed Emma’s hand. “I’m trying to be more open.”

“You’re doing fine,” Emma said, and kissed her again, this time in front of the door to the student council room. The kiss grew deeper as was a tendency of them these days.

“Hello,” Graham said, and the two girls broke apart, slightly red. “Are we having a committee meeting or are we making out? Because in all honesty, I’m good with either. I’m pretty sure Mary Margaret is around here, and I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Please don’t talk about my sister in that way,” Emma teased, and let go of Regina for the first time in a while.

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t talk about her in anyway whatsoever, and you have very little to say Ms. I-just-had-my-tongue-down-Regina’s-throat,” Graham fired right back.

“Both of you shut up.” Regina said and opened up the door.

“Killian agreed to play at the dance,” Regina said as soon as the three of them found their way into the student council room. Ruby and Mary Margaret would be late due to their various sports, and Peter was going to miss it entirely as he had to go to the dentist.

“That’s the least he could do,” Graham mumbled.

“Graham, please,” Regina said, almost pleading, and a light went on for Emma. Everything started to fall into the place. Killian was a part of what had happened last spring. Whatever had caused Regina to fall so deep she had ended up hospitalized, Killian was a part of it. No wonder Graham didn’t like him, and Emma figured that he was part of the reason why Regina and Graham had broken up and why it was so ugly.

The more Emma learned about Regina and her past, the more she admired her. She had no idea what exactly had gone on the year before, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to know. It was okay for her that Regina didn’t want to relive it, that she didn’t want to tell her exactly what happened with her and Graham. Regina had told her the things that matter, and that was more than enough for Emma. She had scars she’d rather not anyone see as well.

“Why do you always insist on having a band?” Emma asked in an attempt to lighten the mood.

“Is there any other choice?” Regina said, and in that moment Emma saw so much of the Regina that she used to know, the unstoppable one, the one who seemed like she could rule the world, the one born into royalty.

“Yeah, you know, most people have a DJ or even just a sound system and a premade playlist,” Emma joked.

“Well, we are not most people now are we?” Regina joked, and Emma smiled.

“You two certainly aren’t,” Emma teased back.

“Me?” Graham asked, and the absolutely horrified look on his face made her laugh.

“Come on, Graham, you know you’re a golden five. You’re as much royalty in this town as Regina and Fiona are.”

“Whatever,” Graham said, grumpily. “I like live bands, so what?”

“Spoiled, the bunch of you,” Emma joked. “But seriously though, what are we missing? Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and I have no idea if we’re ready or not.”

“We’re fine,” Regina assured. “We can have the gym, as long as we don’t call it a school event. I cleared all of it with Simpson. Ms. Montgomery, Mrs. Sorenson and her wife, as well as Simpson said they could chaperone. Since we’re on school property we need someone to do that. Killian will play, and he will play what I tell him to, so it will be music similar to Halloween, just less creepy and sappier for the most part.”

“Ruby has arranged for food, drinks, and all of that stuff. Peter has made sure that all the other schools have gotten the invitations, put up flyers around town, and asked the other schools to do the same. The only thing missing is making the rest of the decorations,” Graham added. “We’ve never been this effective in planning anything before. “

“It’s never meant this much before.” Regina said, barely above a whisper, and Emma realized just how much this dance meant to Regina; how much all of this meant to her. Regina was still finding her way like all of them, and this was something she needed to do. And Emma was proud of her because of it. She was always proud of Regina. “It needs to be perfect.”

“It’s going to be great,” Emma said and moved closer to Regina, now sitting shoulder to shoulder, and nudged her carefully. “You’re Regina Mills; everything is going to be perfect.”

Emma heard a noise, and turned her head towards the door where she saw Ruby enter. “Hey, what are we up to?”

“Trying to convince Regina that everything will be great,” Graham said. “Apparently she’s doubting we can pull this off.”

“I’m not,” Regina protested. “I just...”

“I get it,” Ruby said. “But you’re Regina Mills. There is no way this won’t be perfect. Have you ever done something that wasn’t perfect?”

Emma could feel Regina tense up next to her, but both of them knew that Regina wouldn’t say anything about last year. Emma had learned that Regina wasn’t always perfect, just as Graham had the year before, but neither of them had stopped loving her because of it. In Emma’s case, it made her love her even more. But as far as the world knew, Regina Mills was perfect. And Emma knew that, as long as Regina was in Storybrooke that was an image she needed to keep. And after meeting Cora, Emma knew she would do her best to make sure that Regina kept that image intact.

“You’re right,” Regina said. “I’m Regina mother f’ing Mills.”

“Regina!” Graham exclaimed. “No swearing in front of the children!”

“First of all, I didn’t swear,” Regina reprehended. “Second of all, please do not call my girlfriend ‘children’.”

“It’s not my fault you’re robbing the cradle,” Graham joked, and was repaid by a getting a notebook thrown at his head.”

“Ow,” Graham said, and rubbed his temple where the book hit. “How come when Emma is being mean you only throw a pencil, but you throw your entire notebook at me?”

Regina shrugged. “I like her better.”

“So that’s the way it’s gonna be, huh?” Graham teased, and turned to Ruby. “You’re my new best friend.”

“Sorry, Humbert, I kind of like Emma better to,” Ruby answered, and Graham looked defeated.

“There is no way out of this for me, because I’m dating her sister, my best friend is dating her, and now you abandon me in my time of need?” Graham said, still rubbing his temple.

“That’s too bad,” Emma teased back.

“You just came in here and turned everything on its head,” Graham said, obviously still teasing.

“That was my evil plan all along. Convince you all that I was this weak little orphan girl and then take everything you ever loved.” Emma joked.

“I thought I was the Evil Queen?” Regina quipped. “I mean I am the one with the outfit.”

Damn, that outfit. Emma had almost forgotten how good Regina had looked in that leather outfit. She could barely contain herself back then, and she had been on a date with Fiona. She wondered if she could convince Regina to wear it again. She had no idea in what setting that would be appropriate, but she was also pretty sure she didn’t care. Regina had looked amazing in it. Not that she didn’t always look good – and pencil shirts and frilly dresses shouldn’t look that good on an eighteen year old – but damn that leather outfit had been something else entirely.

“Emma, hello?” Ruby said, but Emma was still thinking about that leather outfit. Damn that teenage boy living in her head. Or maybe just the teenage girl. Either way, Emma was no longer present in this conversation. “I think we lost her to Regina’s evil queen outfit.”

“I can’t blame her,” Graham added, and had the good foresight to duck when Regina’s second notebook came flying. “Hey, that was a compliment, Madam President.”

“Not you, with the Madam President stuff too? It’s bad enough when this one does it,” Regina said and gestured to Emma.

“Bad enough when this one does what?” Emma asked, finally returning to the land of the living.

“Never mind,” Regina said and both Graham and Ruby burst out laughing, making Emma feel like she had missed something.

“Decorations are the only thing we’re missing right?” Ruby asked, moving the conversation away from whatever it was they had been talking about.

“Yeah, and we should figure that out today. We’ll need to buy all the materials and then get Mary Margaret to show us how to make everything pretty,” Graham said. “That girl has a way with the DIY stuff.”

“Talking about me?” Mary Margaret asked as she walked in the door, her hair still wet from the showers and she looked pretty exhausted.

“Good practice?” Emma asked.

“Hard,” Mary Margaret countered. “But yeah, I guess. Kind of happy I already have my scholarship.”

“Don’t you have one more assembly in March?” Emma asked

“Technically, but it’s a done deal. I’m going to Thomas,” Mary Margaret added, and Emma knew this wasn’t the time for the argument about how maybe she should think about going to Penn after all. Emma knew her sister had decided, but she also hadn’t agreed to anything yet. She still had the opportunity to change her mind, which was what the March Assembly was about.

“I know,” Emma said, unwilling to have the conversation with their friends around. She was slightly embarrassed and guilty over the fact that Penn was a superior school to Thomas, but her sister didn’t want to use her own college fund if she didn’t need to, when Emma’s wasn’t exactly filled to the brim.

“So what are we going to do about these decorations?” Regina asked, and the conversation once again returned to the topic of the dance.

**\---**

“Hey.” Mary Margaret said, and sat down next to Emma on the couch. “Is that new?” She asked pointing to the episode of Pretty Little Liars on the TV.

“No. It’s a rerun. I said I wouldn’t watch the new one without you. It’s still on the DVR,” Emma said, not taking her eyes of the TV. “How do you feel about this thing tonight? Are you alright with everything?”

“I think so?” Mary Margaret said, somewhat unsure. “I mean, mom’s been gone for so long and while I miss her all the time, he deserves to be happy.”

“Yeah, he does,” Emma said, and smiled. She didn’t really have an opinion either way, but she didn’t have a mother. She never had a mother; it’s only ever been the three of them. Maybe she was a little worried about adding another person to their little unit, but she loved her father and she wanted him to be happy, and Emma had never seen him this happy before. She owed everything to her dad but it was strange to think about there being someone else in their unit.

“And you? How do you feel?” Mary Margaret asked, and Emma took her eyes of the TV and turned to her sister.

“I have no idea,” Emma admitted. “It’s just something new.”

“Yeah, it is,” Mary Margaret said, and the two girls fell silent for a while, just watching TV.

As the episode came to a close, Mary Margaret turned to her sister. “Can I ask?”

“Huh? Ask what?” Emma asked, confused. She had no idea what her sister was talking about.

“Regina. You. Last Thursday,” Mary Margaret said. Emma could tell her sister was uncomfortable, and so was she. She wasn’t too embarrassed about the getting caught thing, she just didn’t really feel like talking to her sister about it. It was bad enough to talk about with Ruby. 

“Do we have to?” Emma said. “Never mind, it’s fine. Just don’t tell dad?”

“I would never,” Mary Margaret assured her sister. “But are you two..?”

“No,” Emma answered, maybe too fast. “I mean, not yet.”

“So, soon?” Mary Margaret asked, reading between the lines.

“Yeah, I think so,” Emma said. “I mean...” Emma stuttered, trying to find the right words. She was still a little confused about all of it. Not the logistics or anything, Ruby had been right, they’d figure it out.  But she was confused about all the rest, about whether she was ready, about being in love, about wanting to be so close all the time. “I want to. She wants to. But she is being patient with me,” Emma said.

“Good,” Mary Margaret said. “That she’s being patient, I mean,” she added fast, clearly not wanting Emma to think she meant that it was good that they wanted to have sex.

“She’s so amazing, MM, just so amazing,” Emma said, and she felt her heart quicken just at the thought of her girlfriend.

“Did you just figure that out?” Mary Margaret joked. “It’s not like you weren’t gushing about her practically before you met her.”

“Haha,” Emma said, and jokingly hit her sister’s shoulder. “But really, she’s amazing. She’s just been through so much, and you can’t tell. She’s amazing.”

“I’m happy,” Mary Margaret said, “that you’re happy. Both of you. You deserve it so much. I was so worried about you, that you would never find anyone.”

“I’m sixteen,” Emma joked. “I’m not getting married or anything. But it’s good right now, and I’m pretty sure that’s enough.”

“I know. I just… I worry about you. I always have.”

“I know,” Emma said. “But I’m fine. Regina’s fine. Everything will work itself out.”

“Love makes you sappy, Em,” Mary Margaret teased. “Also unusually optimistic.”

“Shut up,” Emma said, and hit her sister again. “Also are we expected to dress up for this? Because I kinda don’t want to.”

“Nah, you look fine,” Mary Margaret said. “I didn’t plan on putting something else on either. What time is it?”

Emma looked at her phone. “Half an hour from kick off.”

“Then I am going to stay right here until dad says we can’t anymore,” Mary Margaret said and put her feet up on the coffee table. “Today was terrible, and I would like to not think for a while.”

“Terrible?” Emma asked, before mirroring her sister and putting her feet up as well.

“Calculus test, plus a pop quiz in AP History,” Mary Margaret said, and Emma couldn’t help feeling sorry for her sister.

“That sounds like hell,” Emma said sympathetically.

“It was,” Mary Margaret answered. “But it’s over and it’s Friday, and I really can’t complain.”

“Complaining is half the fun,” Emma said jokingly. “The whole point of suffering through anything is that you can complain after.”

The girls fall back into a silence while watching whatever was on the TV. Emma wasn’t paying much attention to anything, she was mostly thinking about her date with Regina the next day. They were going to meet at Granny’s in the morning, before Regina took her into the city for the day. It would be a whole day just for them, and Emma was really looking forward to it. They hadn’t had that much time just for them lately, what with Regina’s mother being home much more than normal, at least according to Regina. She was looking forward to going to a place where they could just disappear in the crowd for a day, go shopping, and just be for a while.

Leo walked out of the kitchen and saw his two girls on the couch, and a smile appeared on his face.

“She’s going to be here in ten minutes. Can you two set the table?” Leo asked, and gestured to the two girls.

“Of course, dad,” Emma said, and stood up from the couch. “Come on, Double M,” Emma said, and dragged her sister out of the couch. “She had a rough day,” Emma told her dad. “She’s being lazy.”

“I’m not,” Mary Margaret whined. “I just hate setting the table.”

“Spoiled little brat,” Emma joked, knowing that that was enough to get the fire under her sister.

“I’m not,” Mary Margaret said, and walked towards the kitchen. “Look, I’m doing as I was told.”

“Good girl,” Emma teased.

“You’re such an ass sometimes,” Mary Margaret countered back.

“Girls,” Leo said, with a warning. “Be nice. Tonight is a big deal.”

“Sorry, dad,” The girls said in unison, and smiled when realizing they had been completely in sync.

Before long – and without much more complaining from Mary Margaret – the table was set and the food was done when the doorbell rang.

“She’s here,” Leo said, and Emma could tell her dad was nervous.

“Dad, it’s going to be fine.” Emma said reassuringly. This was the first woman her dad had ever brought someone home, and Emma understood his nerves.

“She’s right, dad. Open the door,” Mary Margaret added.

Leo walked over to the door and opened it, revealing Ingrid from Any Given Sundae. She was dressed in a beautiful blue dress, and she looked stunning, Emma had to admit. Emma didn’t really know the woman, but she had been friendly when Emma visited her shop, which was probably above the average number of times for a normal person.

“Hi,” Ingrid said, and the nervousness was clear in her voice.

“Hi,” Leo said, and Emma almost laughed at how awkward he was. He had been dating this woman for months. “Come in,” he added after what was a slightly too long pause.

“Ingrid, these are my daughters, Emma and Mary Margaret,” Leo said when Ingrid had entered the room, and he had taken her coat. ¨Mary Margaret, Emma, this is my girlfriend Ingrid Fisher.”

“Hi, it’s nice to officially meet you both,” Ingrid said.

“You too,” Mary Margaret said, and nudged Emma.

“Yes, it is,” Emma added, when she realized that she too was obligated to say something. She was a little taken a back at the fact that Ingrid was dating her father, not because she had thought that Ingrid would just tell her one of the many times she had been having ice cream at AGS, but because this wasn’t a brand new person, it was ice cream Ingrid.

“This is a little weird, right?” Mary Margaret asked, as she looked between all of them, “Because Emma spends way too much time eating ice cream, and now she feels slightly uncomfortable about the whole thing?”

“Mary Margaret!” Emma exclaimed. “I’m fine.”

“I know,” Mary Margaret said. “I just figured I should put it out there. Emma you eat at AGS so often, Ruby gave you a gift card for Christmas.

“Yeah, she did,” Emma said, and blushed slightly. “Also, I may have taken Regina there on our first unofficial date. I really love that place.”

“Regina’s your girlfriend?” Ingrid asked.

“Yeah,” Emma said, and smiled. “She is.”

“Sappy,” Mary Margaret repeated from their earlier conversation.

“Ass,” Emma countered and hit her sister playfully on the shoulder.

“Girls,” Leo said again. “We have a guest. Let’s eat, shall we?”

“Sure,” Mary Margaret said, and the four of them made their way to the dinner table. Leo had made his famous chicken alfredo and despite the initial awkwardness between Emma and Ingrid, the conversation floated perfectly.

“So, Ms. Fisher, how did you and dad meet?” Mary Margaret asked.

“Please, call me Ingrid, both of you. Ms. Fisher makes me feel old,” Ingrid joked. “And we literally ran into each other at the store one day. Of course, I’ve known about your father for years, and he me, this town is small. But we’ve never really talked. He asked me for coffee, and well, things went on from that.”

“So, it was a romantic comedy?” Emma said. “What is it with this family, and romantic comedy moments?”

“What do you mean this family?” Mary Margaret asked. “Don’t you just mean you and dad?”

“Come on, Mary Margaret,” Emma teased. “Graham had feelings for you for months, but you _pretended_ not to know because you were with someone else, and then he saved you from said person and now you’re dating? It’s the plot of every teen movie ever.”

“Whatever. You and Ms. Denial are not much better. Spending months pining over her, only to finally have your first kiss at the school dance, yeah that’s not a teen plot at all.”

“Are they always like this?” Ingrid asked Leo, as she watched astonished at the two girls going take for take with each other.

“I’m afraid so,” Leo said, and laughed gently. “They’re sisters.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, Leo is dating Ingrid. That is a thing, and it will continue to be a thing because Ingrid/Emma was my second favorite thing about 4A so. I will be posting the next chapter on the 22nd, and next time Cora is back and not thrilled about the LGBT dance, Regina cares little, and the two girls celebrate Valentine’s Day.  
> Also, let’s make this Question Tuesday: Any character you’re missing? Any event you’re excited for? And are you interested in seeing more of Graham/Mary Margaret or Ruby/Peter, or do you prefer the focus to be mostly on SQ?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is completely unbeta’ed because exams drove me mad and I hadn’t had time to write this before like Monday. So this may be a little rough, also I decided to split Valentine’s Day into two so part two will be in chapter 10.

Regina was excited; it was finally Valentine’s Day. The past month had been a whirlwind of planning and making sure that everything would be perfect for tonight, and she was rather certain it would. Also, this was the first Valentine’s Day that Regina was excited about. She felt bad about the fact that last year, when she had been with Graham she had done her best to avoid celebrating Valentine’s Day, even to the degree that she had spent it with her mother instead.

This year was different though, she had always thought it was an extremely stupid holiday, if you could even call it that. Today, though, she just felt _good_. This last month and a half had taken her completely by surprise. Life had never felt this easy, even with her mother being home far more often than Regina could ever remember her being.  But with Emma, things felt different, and for the first time in her life she felt like she belonged in her own skin.

Today was going to be perfect, Regina was certain about it.

“Hi,” Emma jumped up in front of her, coming out of a classroom that was on the route for the student council room.

“Hi.” Regina answered, before she pulled Emma closer and kissed her more forcefully than she usually did in the hallways. She was just feeling all the hearts and shit this year.

“Wow.” Emma said when they pulled apart, “What was that for?”

“It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re my girlfriend. Do I need a reason to kiss you?” Regina teased, and the smile that appeared on Emma’s face every time Regina called her her girlfriend, made Regina’s heart swell.

“I suppose not.” Emma said, “I didn’t really figure you for a big V-Day person.”

“I’ve never been before.” Regina admitted, “I guess there is just something special this year.”

“Something, huh?” Emma teased, and the two girls started moving towards the student council room, and Regina reached for Emma’s hand and took in hers.

“Something, some _one_ who even knows.” Regina teased back.

“Looking forward to tonight?” Emma asked, as they reached the student council room and Regina unlocked the room.

“Yes. I really hope everything turns out as we planned.” Regina said, and the two girls entered the room. Emma took her usual spot on the couch and Regina took her place behind the desk.

“You really should relax more.” Emma said, before taking off her shoes and pulling her feet up to her chest.

“Easy for you to say.” Regina replied, “You don’t have the world on your shoulders.”

“I’m sorry; we can’t all be the great president. Some of us have to be peasants.” Emma joked.

“The magnificent president would never date a peasant.” Regina joked back, “You’re a knight or a princess or something.”

“A knight? This not the middle ages or some fairytale.” Emma said, smiling at Regina.

“What if I want it to be? Also you could totally be a knight, it would suit you.” Regina fired back, “All righteous and important, always looking out for the little people.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you, You Majesty? One woman to rule them all, and all of that. You’re the all-powerful one.” Emma teased right back. Regina really enjoyed their sparring banter. She had never had anyone who was willing or able to go toe-to-toe with her like that. Not even Graham.  

“Oh shut it.” Regina said, and she suppressed the urge of throwing something on her girlfriend. An impulse she found herself having to suppress more often than one would think possible. She also found that it was quite a nice tool to get her point across though.

“Never. Someone has to keep you in line.”  Emma said.

“And that’s going to be you, is it?” Regina said, while trying to sort out the papers that Graham had left on her desk. It was a big mess, as expected. Graham had never had much of an organizing mind.

“Of course. Who else is going to put up with you?” Emma said, turning around and putting her feet on the floor.

“Oh,  I do not know.” Regina said, “They say I’m rather unpleasant.”

“Well, then they’re all wrong. Because you are anything but...” Emma said, and Regina could tell that she meant it. This girl, who is so wonderful and kind, thought the world of her and Regina couldn’t even believe it.

“I’ll pick up at seven tonight, is that alright?” Regina said after a while, the two girls were the only one at the student council room that afternoon. Graham and Mary Margaret had left right after school, Graham planning on taking her into the city for Valentine’s. He’d been so nervous about it, wanting all of it to be perfect.

“Yeah, I’m super exciting. I’m really glad you decided to do this, Regina. It will be amazing.” Emma said, and got out of the couch and walked over to the desk.

“I hope so. This is important.” Regina said, and looked into Emma’s eyes, as Emma leaned over the desk and kissed her.

“I know.” Emma said after the kiss, “I know what this means to you, and trust me, everything is going to be great.”

\--

Regina looked in the mirror, and she had to admit she was looking good. The black dress she had chosen did wonders for her body; it was tight in all the right places without showing too much. She had had the dress in her closet for a long time, never really feeling comfortable enough to wear it, feeling like it showed to much. But after Halloween, and now knowing how Emma felt about that outfit, she knew that the black dress was the only thing she could wear to the dance.

She was putting on her finishing touches, and looking for the necklace Emma gave her for Christmas. She had worn it almost constantly since then, being her touch stone, a way to ground her when things felt like they were becoming too heavy.

Regina heard a knock on her door, “May I come in?”

“Of course, Mother.” Regina said as she clasped the necklace shut, and she looked into the mirror one final time, she felt ready. She wanted tonight to be special for everyone, and maybe especially for Emma.  Because Emma had inspired her in so many ways and Regina wanted Emma to know that, but she also didn’t know how to actually tell her. So this was kind of a way for her to show what Emma had showed her about being true to herself.  

“Regina, dear, I am not sure you should be going to this dance.” Cora said, and Regina had been preparing for this fight for almost as long as she had been planning it. There was no way her mother would approve of it.

“I have to, Mother.” Regina said, her arguments long played out in her mind. “You know I do. I’m student council president and I have to attend all school functions.”

“I don’t understand why the school is hosting this _thing_ to begin with. I mean, I have no problems with people like that, I just don’t see how they have to flaunt it.” Cora said, and if Regina hadn’t heard it a million times before she would have become angry. But she knew her mother, she knew what her mother thinks, and she knew why she had to keep her mother in the dark about all of this.

If her mother ever found out, Regina was scared about what would happen. She knew her mother only wanted what was best for her, but Cora had a very specific idea about what that was, and Regina didn’t want that life.

Regina wasn’t sure what she wanted from her life. She knew what was expected of her, and some parts of it, Regina thought she wanted. She wanted to go to UPenn, and she knows she was good at the leadership stuff, and she kind of liked it. Or maybe she didn’t. Regina was looking forward to finding out, if she had the chance to. Regina knew that her mother had certain plans for her, and Regina knew that Emma wasn’t part of that plan. And she also knew that was something she should worry about, but she wasn’t ready for that. Right now, she had made her choices, and her choices were hers.

“I had no control over it, Mother. The leader of the Gay-Straight Alliance went straight to Mr. Simpson and asked for it, and he agreed. I was just left with the responsibility.” Regina said, trying to convince her mother that she would rather have been anywhere but at the dance that night. That this whole thing had been terrible, and she was annoyed that Simpson had stuck her with the responsibility.

“I know dearie, I just wish you would have to go.” Cora said, and Regina knew what mother was saying. She was worried someone would know that Regina had both attended and arranged an LGBT themed dance, and think she was gay.

“I know, Mother. But I have to. It would be worse if I didn’t do the things that were expected of me. I have a reputation to maintain.” Regina continued, every argument her mother may have, Regina had prepared a rebuttal for.

“You’re right. Your position on the student council is important, and if this is something you have to do, I won’t keep you from it.” Cora said, “You know I’m proud of you, right?”

“Yes, mother.” Regina said, “And this is something I have to do, Mr. Simpson trusts me and the recommendation letter he wrote for college was really helpful, these are the kind of connection I need to cherish.”

“Of course, darling.” Cora said, “Try to have a good time tonight, will you? It’s bad enough you have to spend your Valentine’s Day with _them_ , it would be a shame if you couldn’t find a way to have a good time. They do have a good taste, and can throw a party.”

Regina neglected to remind her mother that she was the one who had planned the entire party, but then again, Regina was one of _them_. Whatever that even meant. And damn it, she was proud of what she had done, and if her mother wanted to believe that Regina was doing all of this against her will, then so be it.

\--

Regina walked up the door at the Blanchards, she had decided she was going to do this properly. No drop by. She wanted to do this right. Which was strange because she had spent almost every day at the Blanchard house since she started dating Emma. She liked her father and Regina thought he liked her. He hadn’t given her the ‘if you hurt my daughter’ speech but it had been implied.

But today felt special, Regina didn’t even know why.  They’d had a couple of official dates, though most of their ‘dates’ are just hanging out in Emma’s room watching TV and doing homework, and Regina had to admit that that was some of the best times she had, this was something special.  And this was Valentine’s Day. She was doing this proper. She had even bought flowers for god’s sake.

Regina knocked on the door, and it didn’t even take 60 seconds before Emma opened the door and she was more beautiful that Regina had ever seen her. She was wearing a strapless deep red dress that fit to her body perfectly.

“Hi.” Emma said, and smiled. Regina leaned forward and kissed her carefully.

“Hi.” She said, and handed her the flowers, “I got you flowers.”

“You did?” Emma’s whole face lit up, and Regina was suddenly grateful that she had decided to take the extra trouble of buying the flowers. “Thank you.” Emma added and kissed her again.

“Dad! Regina got me flowers.” Emma said, and turned around. Regina could see Leo coming in from the kitchen wearing an apron and what looked like a large amount of flour.

“Hello, Regina, you’ll have to excuse my appearance, I was trying to bake an apple pie.”

“It’s Ingrid’s favorite.” Emma said, teasing her father. Regina smiled at the easy relationship between Emma and her father and she had to admit she was a little jealous. She loved her father so much, but their relationship was nothing like the one Emma and Mary Margaret had with their father. Henry was a wonderful guy, but he was absent and Regina missed him all the time.

She understood why her father had chosen to live in Europe, there was many reasons and Cora was probably at least half of them. Regina wished she had more time with her dad, she really did especially now when she saw Emma and her dad mess around and joke, having a relationship she never would with her dad, no matter what.

“Oh, do you want your gift now?” Emma said, and shook Regina out of her thoughts about her father.

“I thought maybe we could wait until later?” Regina said, “I mean, we can do it now but…”

“No, that’s fine.” Emma said, smiled and leaned in and kissed her gently. Nothing over the top as Leo was still standing behind them.

“Are you ready to go?” Regina asked.

“Just a second, girls.” Leo said, “I want a picture.”

“Daaad.” Emma whined, “Why do you always insist of taking pictures?”

“Because you’re my baby girl, and one day soon you’ll be out of here, and these pictures are all this old man is going to have.” Leo said, “So quit whining and do this for your old man.”

“Fine.” Emma said, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Regina said, “I just miss my dad.”

“I’m sorry.” Emma said, and took Regina’s hand in her own, “I know you wish he was around more. But I am sure we can sure we can share dad.”

“Of course, Regina. Anything you need. I hope you know that.” Leo said as she fiddled with his phone.

“Thank you, Mr. Blanchard.” Regina said, and smiled. She really liked Leo, and it had been a while since she had met a parental figure so open. Graham’s parents were nice, but they were of the same cloth as Regina’s, though somewhat more loving and open with emotion. The Blanchard House always seemed so full of love, and family and Regina envied how they had managed to move on after Mary Margaret’s mother died, and how they had made their own little family. She wasn’t used to feeling jealous like this, and it put her a little off.

“Please call me Leo, Mr. Blanchard makes me feel very old.” Leo said, and unlike when her mother had said the same to Emma, Regina felt as if Leo meant it. And that she would actually be able to call this man Leo. And just for a brief second a scenario in which she would call him dad played out in her head, but it was gone almost as fast as it showed up.

“You are old,” Emma teased, “That’s why.”

“You’re an ungrateful child.” Leo said, and turned to Regina again, “I don’t understand why you put up with her.”

“It’s her looks.” Regina teased, “It gives me street cred to date someone as beautiful as your daughter, her personality is just side effect I have to live with.”

Leo laughed, “I knew there was a reason why I liked you, Regina.”

“I do not like this. It’s bad enough when you, Graham and Ruby team up against me, I’m not sure if I am a fan of this..” She said gesturing between Regina and her dad.

“Whatever. You’re just mad I insulted your personality.” Regina teased, before placing a quick kiss on her cheek. “I did say you were pretty though.”

“Not as pretty as you.” Emma said, “Because that would be impossible.”

“Okay, this is getting sappy.” Leo said, “Your sister is right, dating Regina makes you sappy.”

“Can you just take the picture already?” Emma said, causing Leo to laugh before finally snapping the picture of Emma and Regina he wanted.

“Have her home by midnight, please?” Leo said.

“I will.” Regina said, “Probably even earlier unless I want to carry a sleeping Emma to bed.”

“Oh shut up, or I will break up with you.” Emma pouted.

“No, you won’t.” Regina said.

“No, you’re right. I won’t.” Emma said, “Bye dad.” She added as they walked out the door.

“Have a nice night.”  Leo said, as the door closed behind them.

\--

“Wow.” Emma said as she walked into the gym, “We did a really good job. I mean, I saw it yesterday when we put on all the finishing touches.” They had gotten special permission from Simpson to put the decorations up early since Graham and Mary Margaret were leaving straight after class, something that had made Regina an even more popular president as it meant that all P.E classes that day had been cancelled. It really had been a win-win for everyone.

“Yeah, we did.” Regina said, the gym was dressed to the nine in hearts and red. It really looked like love had thrown up over the gym, except good. It looked even better than the Valentines Dance last year, which had up until the Snow Ball been Regina’s greatest accomplishment in terms of dances.

“Also there are a lot of people here.” Emma said, as the two girls started walking further into the gym and Regina had to admit that Emma was right. The place was almost filled, mostly with people she had never seen before, though a couple she recognized from the GSA club. She had started to attend some meetings at Emma’s suggestion, she didn’t have time to go every time but she’d attended a few and she quickly realized that the GSA was mostly just people hanging out and talking, but in a safe place.

“We should go say hello to Killian. Is that okay?” Regina asked, she didn’t know exactly how much Emma knew, or had figured out about Killian’s involvement in everything that had gone down last year, but she knew that Emma had picked up on Graham’s resentment of him.

“If you are.” Emma said, and kissed her cheek, “And you seem to have forgiven him for whatever it is Graham still blames him for.”

“You caught that, huh?” Regina asked.

“Yeah. I may not be a genius like you and my sister, but I’m not blind.” Emma said, “But it doesn’t matter, and if it does, it doesn’t tonight”

Regina realized that Emma was letting Regina know that if Regina wanted to tell her what happened, she would be there but also that she didn’t need to. Because it happened before Emma had come into the picture, and either way they certainly didn’t have  to talk about it tonight. Tonight was just for them.

“Thank you.” Regina said, and squeezed Emma’s hand a little tighter.

“Anytime.” Emma said, and Regina could tell that she meant that, and not just for not pushing her to talk about Killian, but about all of it. Emma was willing to wait, had been willing to wait for so long and Regina couldn’t believe how patent Emma was being with her.

“Hi, Killian.” Regina said as the two girls reached the stage where Killian’s band was setting up. Regina had been able to convince him to play, and it hadn’t taken as much begging as she had thought it would. It was clear the boy still felt somewhat guilty about last year, even if most of it, if not all of it was entirely Regina’s fault. “You got everything you need?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Killian said, “You’re looking smashing tonight, if I may say so.”

“You may.” Regina said, and winked at him, “Thank you, Killian. For the compliment and for doing this.”

“Look, whatever you need, you can have.” Killian said, “You know that right?”

“Killian.” Regina said, and placed one hand on his shoulder, “Stop beating yourself up.”

“You got it.” Killian replied, and grinned and Regina could almost see what every straight girl and non-straight boy at that school saw in him. He was quite frankly one of the most charming men, Regina had ever had the pleasure of meeting. But she had also seen him throw up blue vomit because Graham dared him to eat an entire bar of soap so that sort of took the charm out of him.

“You know Emma, right?” Regina said, suddenly realizing she hadn’t introduced her.

“Only by reputation.” Killian answered, “And I must say, you are beautiful.” Killian took Emma’s hand and kissed it.

“She is also very much taken, Killian.” Regina said, and gave him a look that in no uncertain terms said back off.

“I know.” Killian said, “I just like making you jealous.”

“You’re an ass.” Regina teased back, but she also felt Emma’s hand find her again and Emma gave her a reassuring squeeze that pretty much just meant ‘I’m here and I’m yours.”

“I know.” Killian said, “It’s part of my charm.”

“Whoever told you that was lying.” Regina joked, “No but really thank you for doing this. I know it was short notice.”

“You’re doing a great thing here, Regina. I’m proud of you, and I know that I generally pretend that I am better than all of this.” He gestured to the gym and to the tiny rainbow flags that were on all the tables. “But this matters, so yeah, I was happy to do it.”

“Thanks.”

“And it was a pleasure to finally meet you, Emma.” Killian said, “I sure hope it wasn’t the last time.”

“Lay it off, _Karl._ ” Regina said, using his birth name only because she knew that few things in this world annoyed him more.

“You didn’t.” Killian answered, “That’s low, Mills. Even for you.” Regina could tell the boy was joking, His trademark smile never leaving his face.

“I’ll see you around, Killian.” Regina smiled.

Killian leaned in, and kissed her cheek and whispered, “No but really, Regina, I’m glad you figured your shit out.”

“Play your hearts out, boys.” Regina said, to Killian and to the boys who were still setting up their instruments.

“Will do, Madame President.”  One of the chubbier boys answered back, Regina thinks his name may be Smee.

“Ha. I knew I wasn’t the only one who called you that.” Emma said as they walked back over to the tables. The gym was really filling up, and Regina was glad that people seemed comfortable enough to come. She couldn’t see Fiona and Katie anywhere, but she was sure they would show up.

“You’re not.” Regina said, “But you’re the only person who keep referring to me as royalty.”

“That’s because you are.” Emma said, “Duh.”

“I never should have admitted that.”  Regina said, “I knew it was a bad idea as soon as it left my mouth but you distracted me with your pretty looks.”

“Whose pretty looks?” Ruby asked, Regina hadn’t even noticed that Ruby and Peter had walked in, let alone walked in behind them. She was starting to understand how Ruby could constantly sneak up on Emma. “Not this one’s?” She added and pointed to Emma, “Because she is clearly not pretty.”

“Why are you my best friend again?” Emma fired back.

“Because you love me, and before Regina and that white knight your sister calls a boyfriend swooped in, you didn’t have anyone else.” Ruby fired back, and Regina was constantly surprised by their banter and how similar it felt to the way things had used to be with her and Fiona.

“You’re right.” Emma said, “Besides someone has to put up with that ugly face of yours.”

“Who you calling ugly?” Ruby said, and the two girls managed to keep their stare for all of five seconds before they both burst out laughing.

“You guys never cease to amaze me.” Regina admitted.

“What can I say, we’re amazing.” Ruby said and smiled. Regina had found herself really enjoying the company of the younger girl. It had taken her by surprise, but there was an unknown depth to the girl that not many knew about. Regina had known about Eugenia Lucas’ granddaughter who had moved in with her after her parents died, of course she did. Everyone did.  But she had never thought she would like the girl as much as she had. But then again, it had been a year of surprises in so many ways.

“It sounds like Killian and the boys finally got everything in place.” Emma said, and held out her hand for Regina to take, “Dance with me.”

“Always.” Regina said, and took Emma’s hand as she the two couples made their way out on the dance floor.

\--

Regina was sitting alone at their table; the dance had been going on for a couple of hours. They had danced and enjoyed themselves, and Regina had felt free for the first time in her life. Being surrounded by couples who one or both of them all fell somewhere on the spectrum felt free. She really had no other words for it. She had spent so much time hiding, denying the truth she had known for so long, and trying her best to put on a mask, but being with Emma, and especially being here she felt like she didn’t have to hide any part of herself at all.  Regina were looking across the room to where Ruby and Emma were standing talking to Rory and a girl Regina had never seen before but who she presumed was Rory’s girlfriend.

“Hi.” Regina heard and turned around to see Fiona standing next to her table. The two girls hadn’t spoken since the Snow Ball and for the first since Fiona-Gate, Regina was genuinely happy to see the other girl. “Can I sit?”

“Of course.” Regina said, and smiled. She missed Fiona, and these last couple of months had made that clearer and clearer for her. She had pushed the feeling away, but as she had spent more and more time around Ruby and Emma, she had started to miss her more and more. It wasn’t because Graham wasn’t a great friend, because he was. Regina wasn’t sure where she would be if Graham hadn’t pulled her back last year, but she missed having female friends. And with Emma and Ruby around, she had started to feel how that was again and she had missed Fiona. She’s ignored it, because she had still been mad. Mad at herself, mad at Fiona, mad at the world, and it was so much easier to hate Fiona than it was to admit that she missed her.

“How are you doing?” Fiona asked, after sitting down.

“I’m happy.” Regina said.

“That’s good. You look happy, happier than I have ever seen you.” Fiona said, “It looks good on you.”

“Thank you. It’s all because of Emma.” Regina said, “Well, most of it anyway.”

“I gathered.” Fiona said, “I’m really happy for you two, Regina. And I’m sorry for how everything went down with me and Emma. I really am. I have been trying to keep my distance, I wasn’t sure if she wanted to see me.”

That explained why Regina hadn’t really run into Fiona since the Dance. She hadn’t been looking for her, but for the first time in years she hadn’t been avoiding her either and she had expected to run into her far earlier than she did.

“You don’t have to worry about Emma. She was mad for a while, but she won’t slap you or anything when she sees you.” Regina said, “She’s happy. _We’re_ happy. You and Katie look happy.”

“We are. And thanks.” Fiona said, “I know we still have a lot of stuff to figure out, a lot of bad blood and all of that, but I would like for us to be friends again. At least to try?”

“I would really like that. I know it’s going to be hard, but I miss you.” Regina admitted, surprising even herself.

“You do?” Fiona said, and it was evident that the statement had surprised her as well.

“You were my first real best friend, and despite everything that went down, everything I did. What I said, how I treated you. Those years means something to me, and they always well. Besides, the push you gave me at the Snow Dance is probably something I can never repay you for.”

“Regina, as I told you then, I forgave you for all of it. It took a long time, but I realized that you were scared and you were acting out and you wanted to push me away. What happened that night at the party probably never should have, and I’m sorry I didn’t stop you. But I was in pain, and I missed you, and neither of us was thinking straight.”

“Fiona, I’m—“ Regina started.

“No look. I knew you were gay or bisexual then, even before you kissed me. I knew you were struggling with it and I took advantage of it. I know we were both drunk, and neither of us stopped it but I shouldn’t..” Fiona said, and Regina saw that the other girl was almost crying.

“Hey,” Regina said and took Fiona’s hand in a comforting motion, “I knew what I was doing. You didn’t take advantage of you. I think we used each other that night. I needed to feel something other than pain. I needed _you_. And we messed up. But we were kids. We’re still kids and it’s in the past.”

“Really?” Fiona asked, and wiped a tear away from her eyes and in that moment Regina wished she could’ve taken it all back, every word she said and everything she did. Not just to Fiona but to Graham. She wished she could have faced up to the truth earlier, instead of nearly breaking down inside trying to hide it.

“I wish I could go back, and take it all back,” Regina admitted, “But I can’t. None of us can. We all have to live with our past, whatever that may be.”¨

“You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. Shit like this,” Fiona gestured around her, “takes time to figure out and gods knows with a mother like yours it’s a wonder you ever stopped hiding. But I guess Emma pulled you out, huh?”

“She’s amazing.” Regina said and a wide smile spread across her lips.

“Yeah, she is.” Fiona agreed, “She is great. And you two both deserve every ounce of happiness life gives you.”

“Hi…” Emma said, neither Regina nor Fiona had noticed her coming back to the table, too caught up in everything they had been talking about.

“Do you want me to go?” was the first words out of Fiona’s mouth when she saw Emma standing there.

“No,” Emma said, “I was kind of pissed at you for a while there, but honestly it’s water under the bridge.” Emma smiled, and sat down in the chair on the opposite side of Regina in relation to Fiona.

“I have to admit that I am surprised to see the two of you. Here. Talking.” Emma said, “And no one is throwing punches.”

“We’re trying something new,” Fiona said, “Or something old, I guess.”

“I’m glad.” Emma said, and the three girls fell into easy conversation which took Regina by surprise. There was so much history there between all of them, but it didn’t seem to matter when Emma and Fiona fell into an argument about a TV show that went way over Regina’s head and that it seemed like they had had several times before, Regina just took Emma’s hand and held it. This was what she had been so scared about all those years ago. And now it was here, and it was the most wonderful feeling she’d ever had.

“I’m sorry to break this up, but I really want to dance with my girlfriend.” The three girls looked up to see Katie standing above them.

“Hi, Katie.” Regina said, “It’s good to see you.”

“You too, Regina.” Katie smiled, and Regina hoped that maybe by mending her friendship with Fiona she could rebuild her relationship with Katie as well. They had never really been close, but for those magical three weeks between Fiona coming out and Cora deciding that Regina had to cut Fiona out of her life, she had gotten to know Katie a little bit and they had both been working on the school paper for years but their friendship never really growing due to the issues with her and Fiona.

“Do you guys mind?” Fiona asked.

“Go dance with your gorgeous girlfriend, Moreno.” Regina said, the nickname returning but this time without any malice what so ever. It was almost like it used to feel. Regina knew they were a long way away from that, but they’d started to rebuild the foundation and that was more than Regina had believed they ever could.

“You should do the same you know.” Fiona said as she took Katie’s hand and she let her out on the dance floor.

_You, by the light_

_Is the greatest find_

_In a world full of wrong_

_You're the thing that's right_

_Finally made it through the lonely_

_To the other side_

“She’s right you know?” Emma said.

“What?” Regina answered, not quite following Emma.

“You should totally dance with your _gorgeous_ girlfriend.” Emma said, and Regina laughed.

“I’m pretty sure she didn’t call you gorgeous.” Regina joked, and Emma pouted. “Doesn’t mean you’re not though.” Regina added, and Emma’s pout turned into a grin.

“Come on, let’s dance.” Emma said, and took Regina’s hands and dragged her out on the floor.  Regina placed her hands on Emma’s shoulder and pulled her closer. And as Emma kissed Regina as they were once again swaying on the gym floor, Regina was certain that she was falling in love.

_And I’m in love_

_And I’m terrified_

_For the first time and the last time_

_In my only life_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Next time, Regina and Emma exchange presents, and Emma really want all of them to triple date and go bowling, Regina thinks that is a terrible idea, Emma doesn’t really seem to care about that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait guys, but it's finally here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I am a terrible person. I shouldn’t have let you wait this long, but I’ve been having some issues and I needed some time to figure it out on my own. But I’m back now. And I am going to try to move towards a weekly update schedule, or something similar. Which means that there might not be a chapter every Tuesday but there will be chapters more often than twice a month, they may just not come on Tuesdays. 
> 
> Thanks to HadesVampire, this chapter is no longer unbeta'ed.

The dance was winding down, most of the couples had left to go elsewhere. “You did good.” Emma said, and kissed Regina carefully on the lips as the two made their way across the dance floor.

“ _We_ did good.” Regina countered.

“I know how much this meant to you,” Emma said and took Regina’s hand in her own, “And it was a success.”

“I’m happy.” Regina said, and squeezed Emma’s hand, “And not just because of this dance. I’m actually  _happy_.”

Emma smiled, and she felt her heart melt. Regina was happy, truly and undoubtedly happy. And Emma was at least partly for the reason for that. It was all she ever wanted. The day of Mary Margaret’s party, when the two of them had been sitting in her room and Emma had felt that she and Regina could be something seemed forever ago. She still saw that girl when she looked at Regina, the girl so afraid of the universe. She hadn’t known what it was that she had recognized in the other girl back then, but in the months since then, when she really got to know Regina. As she fell in love with her, and learned about her past, she had recognized the feeling.

And Emma was doing her best at trying to make that feeling go away, both for Regina and for herself. They were both scared, but it felt better when they were together.

“Hey, wanna get out of here?” Emma asked, “Fiona and Katie left a while ago, Peter and Ruby are gone, and it’s almost over anyway. You don’t need to stay till the end.”

“Sure.” Regina said and kissed Emma again, and Emma wondered if it would ever stop feeling like this. She sure hoped not.

“Come on.” Emma said, and the two girls walked out of the gym hand in hand. It had been a great night, and Emma knew it wasn’t over yet. It was the first time she’d actually understood what the big deal was about Valentine’s Day. It was about this. It was about spending time with someone.

“Where do you want to go?” Regina asked, as the two girls got into Regina’s car.

“Surprise me.” Emma said.  Regina leaned over and kissed Emma before driving out of the parking lot. The two girls sat in relative silence for most of the car drive, Emma noticed that the fact that she singing along to the radio was causing Regina to smile.  And Emma was happy to just sit here, in silence with Regina. It was a strange feeling; she had never felt like this with anyone before. So completely at ease, not even with MM or Ruby. It was something new.

After ten minutes, Regina swung into a back road close to Troll Bridge.

“Wait, you are not kidnapping me and planning to kill me in the middle of nowhere, are you?” Emma joked.

“No.” Regina answered, “I’m really not.”

“Just checking.” Emma said, and Regina took Emma’s hand softly and kissed it, before releasing it to shift gears. Regina drove down another back road before stopping.

“Where are we?” Emma asked.

“Come on, I’ll show you.” Regina said, and she grabbed the extra set of gloves and hats from the glove compartment. “Put these on.” She said and threw a pair of gloves and a hat at Emma.

“My savior.” Emma joked, and took the hat and the gloves. She put them on, and she realized that she should probably have brought her own. She may have been joking about the savior thing, but she was really glad her girlfriend had the good foresight of packing extra gloves and hats. Regina was always so well-prepared for everything, something Emma was slightly jealous of. Emma was more of a do before think kind of person.

“Oh shut up. It’s cold outside, and I don’t want you to freeze.” Regina shot back, as she put on her own gloves and hat.

“As I said, my  _savior_.” Emma joked, and the two girls got out of the car, and Emma was breath taken at the view in front of them.

“Holy shit, wow.” Emma said, the words not forming properly in her throat. It was absolutely beautiful. They were on a top somewhere outside Storybrooke Emma could tell, as she could see the entire town from up there. The way the light of the town lit up the darkness, and the snow fell it felt like a painting.

“That was very eloquent of you.”  Regina said, and Emma could see her smiling.

“I didn’t know Storybrooke could look like this,” Emma said, “I didn’t know  _anything_ could look like this.”

“Remind me to take you here in the summer sometime. The fireflies come out and it’s a sight to behold.”

“Thank you for bringing me here,” Emma said, and took Regina’s hand in hers and squeezed it, before realizing that that wasn’t enough and instead pulled Regina close and kissed her. She could spend the rest of her life like this and she would be happy. Maybe she was only sixteen, but in that moment Emma Swan-Blanchard was sure that she would love Regina Mills for the rest of her life.

Before Storybrooke, before Leo and Mary Margaret, before she knew for certain where she was going to spend every night. Before she knew how it felt to truly be loved, to be a part of something, it was this she dreamed about. It was a safe heaven, somewhere she belonged. And Regina had given her that. Leo and Mary Margaret had given her a family, given her safety and love, but Regina had finally given her that last part. The idea of loving someone without expecting anything back, this feeling of just being in Regina’s arms was enough, and Emma was reminded of that Pacey quote her sister used to have hanging on her wall, “The simple act of being in love with you is enough for me.” That was how she felt. This was enough for her.

“Hey, where did you go?” Regina asked after a while. The kissing had stopped, and Emma has just been resting her head on Regina’s shoulder and looking out over Storybrooke, over the first place she could call home.

“I’m right here.” Emma said, “And there is absolutely nowhere else I would be than right here in your arms.”

“You’re quite the romantic.” Regina teased, and Emma just smiled.

“It’s entirely your fault.” Emma said, and leaned up and pecked Regina’s lips. “I never thought I could have this before you.” And it was true. She had dated boys, but things had not felt right or complete for obvious reasons, and with Fiona. Well, they had both been holding something back, both of them unwilling to admit it. It had been fun, and as far as first girlfriends went, Emma was grateful for someone like Fiona. She had been easy. Whatever she had with Regina was something else entirely, and it felt like every part of her had come alive.

“Me neither.” Regina admitted, “But it’s also getting cold. Let’s go back to the car so I could get your gift.”

“Oh, gifts.” Emma said, as close to giddy as she was to get. She had almost forgotten that there were gifts involved with this thing. This night had just been magical to her, Regina showing up at her door with flowers, the dance, the way everything had turned out exactly as Regina had planned it, the look on Regina’s face when she had realized just how much that night had mattered to so many kids. And then this, Regina talking her to this place. Regina. Always Regina.

“Yes. Gifts,” Regina repeated and laughed before the two girls found their way back to the car.

“Here.” Regina said, and handed Emma a small box as soon as they had gotten their warmth back into their bodies. A process that had included not only Regina turning the car back on, but also copious amounts of kissing.

Emma took the box, and opening it revealing a beautiful golden necklace, with something that looked like a locket with a swan insignia on it.

“Go on, open it.” Regina said, and Emma did. Inside the locket was a small piece of the ticket snub from the Disney Marathon at the box.

“I know it wasn’t an official date. I was far too freaked out for that. But still, looking back now, it feels like our first date.”

“You kept it?” Emma said, the only words she seemed to be able to form. That night seemed so long ago, and she had been so nervous about it. It had been the first time she had been alone with Regina since the party. And she had been scared, and freaked out. And she had just so desperately wanted them to be friends. And now, she was sitting here, in Regina’s car on Valentine’s Day.

“Yeah, I did.” Regina said, and leaned in, kissing Emma gently. “I didn’t know why at the time, or maybe I did. I don’t know. It just seemed significant enough to keep. And now I want you to have it.”

“It’s beautiful, Regina.” Emma said, “I mean, the locket itself is beautiful.”

“I’m glad you think so.” Regina replied, “And you can exchange the insides with whatever you want. I just thought it was fitting for our first Valentine’s Day.”

“You’re amazing.” Emma said, and leaned over and kissed Regina again. When the two girls broke apart, Emma reached into her purse and pulled out a similar box to what Regina had given her.

“Here, open it.” Emma said, and handed the box to Regina. Regina opened the box displaying a charm bracelet.

“I know. It’s cheesy, but I still really like charm bracelets.” Emma said, “There is a crown because you’re royalty.”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” Regina said.

“No.” Emma said, and smiled. “And there is a Swan so you don't forget me.”

“Emma, I'm pretty sure I will never forget you."

“I only bought two charms for now. You can fill them up with your own if you want to."

 

"It's beautiful, Emma. I love it." 

\--

“Absolutely not.” Regina said. She and Emma was once again sitting in the student council room waiting for the other four to show up.  They didn’t even have anything planned, but as Emma had learned, there were few things that she would rather do at the end of a school day than hang out with Regina and the gang.

Emma looked back at the last year, and she was amazed over how things had changed. Not just with Regina, though that still surprised her. But all of it, last year, the only person she could really lean on and trust outside of her family had been Ruby. And now there was all of these people in her life, that she cared for and trusted.

 “Oh come on, Regina. It will be fun.” Emma tried to convince her girlfriend. She knew it was going to be hard, but Emma’s goal for the year was to try to get Regina to loosen up some more, and to go outside of her comfort zone.

“What will be fun?” Ruby said, choosing that exact moment to join them. The idea of knocking had long ago been forgotten within their little group, though it was also well understood that the chances of walking in on either Graham and Mary Margaret or Emma and Regina making out was higher if the door was closed and knocking was ignored. Most of them didn’t care. Peter was the only one who had taken to keeping his eyes closed when entering.

“Bowling.” Emma said, “I want us all to go bowling, but Regina is currently refusing to do so.”

“You want to triple date.” Ruby asked, clearly intrigued by the idea.

“Call it what you want, I just really want us all to go bowling.”  Emma answered, before removing her shoes and throwing her feet up on the couch.

“And I think that is a ridiculous idea.” Regina said, getting up from her desk and walked over to her bookcase, because of course Regina had a bookcase in the student president room.

“Why?” Ruby asked, “Do you have some deep dark secret involving bowling you don’t want anyone to know?”

“No.” Regina answered, “But bowling?”

“Bowling is fun, Regina.” Emma said, “Right Graham?” Emma asked, as Graham just came in the room.

“Yes.” He said.

“See, Graham agrees with me.” Emma said.

“Graham has no idea what he just said ‘yes’ to.” Regina shot back.

“Regina has a point.” Graham admitted, “I’ve just learned that I should say ‘yes’ whenever you say something to me in that tone.”

“Ass.” Emma said, and proceeded to throw her pencil at him.

“You were never this violent before you started dating her.” Graham said, and sent a fake scowl to Regina, who only laughed.

“No. She totally was.” Ruby said, “Trust me.”

“What are you talking about? I was an angel.” Emma said, despite knowing fully well that Ruby probably had a whole arsenal of things she could use against her.

“Yeah, right.” Ruby scoffed, “The second time I met you, you pushed me in a fountain. The  _second_ time, Em.”

“Oh, right.” Emma said, and laughed. She barely remembered it, and if Ruby had asked her now she had completely forgotten why she had done it in the first place. It had been her first instinct back then, her fight or flight response was actually stuck on  _or,_ which generally meant she did both. Over the years she had moved more towards flight, which in many ways was both good and bad.

“So what did I agree to?” Graham asked, before sitting down on the opposite side of Ruby and Emma on what could generously be called a coffee table.

“That bowling is fun.” Regina said, “And what have I told you about sitting on the table?”

“Bowling  _is_ fun, Regina.” Graham said, and Emma leaned forward to give him a high-five. “And please let me sit on the table.”

“Fine.” Regina said, “But only because you said please.” She added before finding her way back to a chair, now holding what Emma would admit was a fairly impressive amount of books.

“What are you even working on?” Emma asked, almost confused by the fact that she had in fact not asked her girlfriend that question previously. She had been way too busy trying to convince Regina that bowling would be an excellent idea.

“A paper for AP English.” Regina said, “I know in theory, this room is supposed to be used only for student council things but first of all, that has never happened as long as I have been president, and second of all, I’m Regina Mills.”

“Relax there, Madame President, it’s not like we are going to tell Simpson you’re using this as your own private study hall.” Emma said, and smiled at her girlfriend.

“Yeah, especially since you know, we’re using it as a hang out.” Ruby added, and smiled at Emma.

“You’re all a bunch of delinquents,” Graham joked, and pulled an apple out of his backpack. “Also what is all this talk about bowling?”

“Emma had a brilliant idea.” Ruby said.

“A terrible idea.” Regina added from behind her computer. Emma had to admit she didn’t even notice that Regina had brought her computer. She was always a little impressed at the way her girlfriend could work under all circumstances. Emma was also grateful for the fact that her girlfriend was super smart. Emma’s grades had actually improved all over the board since she had started to spend time with Regina; it had surprised both her and her father. Emma suspected part of the reason why her father liked Regina so much was her positive influence on Emma’s grades.

“And what was this brilliant-slash-terrible idea?” Graham asked.

“That we go on a triple-bowling-date.” Emma said, and smiled proudly. She knew she had won. She knew it the moment Graham said that bowling was fun. Regina was clearly in the minority and even if she wasn’t. Emma had learned that if she kept persisting long enough, Regina would eventually agree to almost anything Emma asked of her.

“Come on, Regina. We’ve haven’t done anything fun, just the six of us in months.” Emma said, and it was the truth. They’d actually never done anything the six of them since she and Regina had started dating. “We haven’t even done anything since we all coupled up.”

“But bowling?” Regina said, but Emma knew it was over.

“Yes, Regina.  _Bowling._ ” Graham said, and when Emma saw Regina smiling, she knew this was it. They were going bowling.

\--

“How are you this good at bowling?” Emma scowled as Regina bowled what Emma felt as her millionth strike that night. “How are you this good at  _everything?_ ” Ruby added.

“You  _hate_ bowling. I had to practically drag you here tonight with the promise of brownies and kisses.” Emma moaned.

Regina shrugged, “It’s bowling.”

“Like that explains it all.” Ruby said, and walked up to take her shot. Regina sat down next to Emma.

“Oh, don’t pout. This was your idea after all.” Regina said, and leaned in a kissed Emma’s cheek and Emma felt all the anger leave her body. Not that she was actually mad. She wasn’t. She was mostly surprised, though she wasn’t sure why.

Because  _of course_ Regina Mills would be excellent at bowling, because Regina was good at everything. Emma knew that there was more to Regina than she let the world see, she knew that her girlfriend felt like she had the world on her shoulders. And that had been part of the reason why Emma had wanted to go bowling so desperately. To just have fun for a night, all of them. No expectations or nothing and it seemed to be working.

“I know. Are you having fun?” Emma asked, knowing that that was the most important thing about this whole adventure. Making sure that Regina had fun.

“Actually, I am.” Regina said, and she snugged up against Emma, and Emma felt her body heat up. It had done that a lot lately, especially after that afternoon in her bedroom when they had almost had sex. She knew what it meant, and she felt ready. She knew that the next time they found themselves in that situation, Emma wouldn’t ask Regina to stop.

“Good.” Emma said, “That’s the whole point.”

Mary Margaret, Graham and Ruby groaned as Peter bowled another strike. He and Regina were neck in neck on the scoreboards; everyone else was far behind either one of them.

“How did I not know the two of you were bowling geniuses?” Graham asked, “I mean you are my best friend.” He said pointed to Regina, “And you, you’re  _you._ ” He said and looked at Peter, who liked Regina had done moments before just shrugged.

“There is literary nothing else to do in Clarksdale. You get awfully good at something if it’s the only thing you do for  _years._ ” Peter said, “I am so glad we moved back here.”

“Yeah, me too.” Ruby said, before jumping up and kissing her boyfriend.

“Please, keep the PDA to a minimum.” Emma groaned, when it took Ruby and Peter several minutes to break apart.

“Whatever.” Ruby said, and stuck her tongue out. “Regina is practically in your lap.”

“Well, I’m soft.” Emma said, and stuck her tongue out as well.

“You two are so mature.” Regina said, but made no effort of moving away from Emma.

“That’s what you get for dating children.” Graham said as he got ready for his turn. Graham was, despite his ‘bowling is fun’ mantra absolutely dreadful at actual bowling. He was probably the worst bowler Emma had ever had the pleasure of playing against. He had so far hit the gutter more often than any actual pins.

“What have I said about referring to my girlfriend as  _children?_ ” Regina said, in her best Madame President voice. That voice that terrified freshman and made teachers trust her. The voice that reassured her mother than she was doing what she was supposed to, and the voice that absolutely, without a doubt turned Emma on. 

“Sorry, ‘Gina, but that tone doesn’t work on me.” Graham said.

“Don’t call me that.” Regina said, but the bite was gone from her voice. It was clearly the nickname didn’t bother her that much anymore. After making peace with Fiona and with her past, most things that Emma had noticed used to bug Regina seemed to simply fall of her back. She was more relaxed, and she didn’t take things as seriously as she had done previously.

Emma loved every version of Regina, she knew that now. She loved student president Regina, she loved great friend Regina, she loved hard working Regina, she loved smart and nerdy Regina, but this Regina? The one that seemed to be at peace with herself and could just enjoy an evening out with her friends? That was the Regina she loved the most, because it was the Regina that seemed the most like  _Regina_. No masks, no secrets. Just Regina.

She loved Just Regina. Despite that fact that she was scarily good at bowling.

“Where did that nickname come from any way?” Mary Margaret asked, “I mean I seem to remember hearing before, when we were younger. Before you were  _the_ Regina Mills.”

“When you were running around with the boys playing soccer?” Graham teased.

“Don’t you mean, when I was running around with the boys  _beating_ them at soccer?” Mary Margaret corrected him.

“Of course, how stupid of me.” Graham said, and leaned over and kissed Mary Margaret. Ruby was the one who was currently bowling. They only had a couple of frames left, and it looked that Regina was going to win, but Peter still had a chance.

“Fiona’s sister came up with it. A long time ago.” Regina said, “I hated it. Fiona was really the only one who used it. Mostly to annoy me. Graham and Killian did it at times,  _only_ to annoy me.”

It was nice to hear Regina talk about  _before_ like that. That simple. And Emma realized that Regina had finally forgiven herself for what happened with Fiona. Forgiven herself for what she put Fiona through, what she had put them both through really. Emma wondered when it happened, when Regina went from avoiding everything that had to do with ‘before’ to be able to talk about it like that.

She also noted that Graham didn’t flinch at the mention of Killian’s name, and she wondered if he had made his peace with whatever had happened last spring. Emma wondered if she would ever know what happened, and she wasn’t even sure she wanted to. Whatever it was, it had caused the rift in Graham and Regina, and had forced Regina into the hospital. Emma wanted to know everything about Regina, but she also understood if there were some things that she would never know.

 “It seems so long ago.” Graham admitted, “It  _was_ so long ago.”

“Yeah.” Regina said, getting up to throw the ball. “But we’re still here.” Regina threw the ball, knocking down 7 pins. The second ball missed completely, causing Peter to make a sound that Emma was sure she had never heard before.

“What was that?” Emma asked, and turned to Peter.

“Sorry.” Peter said, and smiled the most innocent smile Emma had ever seen, and she understood why her best friend had fallen for him. “Turns out, I may be slightly more competitive than I would like.”

The last couple of frames went by quickly, and Peter overtook Regina, and when Regina missed her final shot it was Peter won.

“Winner buys burgers?” Ruby asked, and Peter smiled before agreeing. “Why not?”

“You shouldn’t have to.” Emma said, “The loser should have to pay.” She said and punched Graham’s shoulder. He had after all lost by almost a hundred points.

“You’re an ass, Emma Swan-Blanchard.” Graham said.

“That’s my girlfriend you’re talking about.” “That’s my sister you’re talking about.” Regina and Mary Margaret said in unison causing Emma and Ruby to burst out laughing.

“I’m completely unranked now.” Graham groaned, “Why did I think this was a good idea?”

“Like you even had a choice.” Emma said, “You were stuck with us the moment Mary Margret sent you to check on me at her party. You know it, I know it. All because you wanted to impress her.”

“Actually…” Graham started, “No never mind.”

“Wait, actually what?” Ruby asked.

“You wanted to hook up with me, didn’t you?” Emma said, and grinned when Graham’s cheeks went red.

“Ha! I knew it.” Emma said, triumphantly.

“Oh come on. I pretty much admitted it that night.” Graham said, and as Emma remembered what had gone down she had to admit he was right.

“Oh, right.” Emma said, the victory no longer feeling like a victory. It had also felt like that night happened been forever ago. That this idea that Graham (and by extension Regina) had not always been in her life, seemed weird even though she knew that it had been six months. It didn’t feel like six months.

“I say that we walk away from this  _very disturbing_ conversation.” Mary Margaret said, and took Graham’s hand. “Let’s get some burgers.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Graham said, and took his girlfriend’s hand. Emma and Regina fell a little behind, as Ruby, Graham and Mary Margaret laughed at something that Peter said.

“You let him win didn’t you?” Emma said, as she took Regina’s hand.

“What?” Regina said, and Emma could tell she was right. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I have eyes.” Emma joked, “No, seriously. You played almost flawless all night, and then you just didn’t.”

“He wanted it more.” Regina admitted. “Besides, I wanted to see how it would feel not to win for once.”

“I’m proud of you.” Emma said.

“For letting Peter win?” Regina asked perplexed.

“No, for tonight. For coming out, and having fun.” Emma said, and kissed Regina. “And yes, for letting Peter win. The old Regina would never have let him win.”

“Maybe you’re right.” Regina said, “Good thing she isn’t here today.”

Emma smiled and kissed Regina again, they stopped up and continued kissing; only stopping when she heard the call of her best friend.

“What was that about limiting PDA? Come on, I’m starving.” Emma and Regina broke apart. Emma heard Regina laughed, before they went after their friends. Yeah, there was no doubt about it at all. ‘Just Regina’ was Emma’s favorite.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that I removed the /? Part and that it now says 36 chapters. Which is what this fic will be unless something dramatically changes. That is including the epilogue. I can’t promise the road that is coming will be easy, rather the opposite, but for those of you that are still reading I hope you will enjoy it.  
> Next time: Regina plans her birthday weekend.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regina plans her birthday weekend, and Regina and Emma talk about the next step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know I promised more frequent updates, but it hasn’t been quite two weeks yet. I’ll try to update even more often than this, but I am in the middle of writing my master thesis so.

“So your birthday is coming up,” Graham said, as he and Regina were putting the finishing touches on some of the yearbook pictures. The rest of the staff had gone home, and the deadline for getting the mock-up ready was getting closer and closer.  Everyone always talked about all the stuff that Regina Mills was doing, all the clubs she was president of, and all the things she did but people rarely talked about the fact that Graham Humbert was right there next to her. He was the vice president to her president; he was the lead editor to her chief editor of the newspaper and the yearbook. He was always right behind her.

Regina supposed that was why people had thought of them as _Graham and Regina_ for so long, that whether they were actually dating or not had never made much of a difference. Of course, that had changed after Regina has “unofficially” come out. She had never made a statement to anyone; Graham was the only one she had actually told. But dating Emma Swan-Blanchard had made people aware of the fact that she certainly wasn’t straight, and at the very least no longer dating Graham. But as she looked at her best friend, she realized they were still _Graham and Regina_ and she hoped they always would be.

“Yes, it is,” Regina said, simply stating the fact. Truth be told, she usually despised her birthdays. They held too many bad memories, and in her experience her birthday was usually not the happy day people expected it to be. However, she hoped this year would be better. She had a plan.

“Do you have anything planned?” Graham asked as he was moving pictures around on the page.

“Actually, yes. But I’m going to need your help,” Regina said, as she turned over and looked at the work Graham was doing. She nodded her approval and went back to her own stuff.

“That sounds intriguing. What is it?” Graham asked.

“Taking Emma to Wachusett for the weekend,” Regina said. She wanted to show Emma their winter cabin; she wanted to snuggle with her girlfriend in front of a roaring fire and roast marshmallows and drink cocoa. She wanted to lie on the couch and snuggle the night away. She wanted to take Emma somewhere they could be just them. If she could go skiing as well, that would just be a bonus.

“Sounds simple enough. Why do you need my help?” Graham asked.

“Because I can’t exactly tell my mother that I want to take Emma on a romantic getaway, now can I?” Regina said, slightly annoyed. Not at Graham, but at the situation. She wished things were simpler, she wished she could just tell her mother the truth and that everything would be okay. But she knew that was not the case. Her mother had lost it when she found out that Fiona was gay; the truth that Regina was gay? Regina wasn’t sure she would come out on the other side breathing.

“True,” Graham said, and Regina could tell that he too was a little upset with the whole situation. Not with her. No, he was over whatever discomfort he had when Regina came out. Regina knew that. She knew that everything that had happened over the past year had been hard on her best friend, and she was so happy that when she looked into Graham’s eyes all she saw was love. Graham wanted her to be happy, and he wanted her to be able to be everything she was born to be.

“So what do you need my help with?” Graham asked.

“Ah, I need an alibi so to speak. I’m going to tell mother that I’m having a small get-together with a few friends, and, well, I kind of need you to make sure that said friends are not in town next weekend,” Regina said. Her whole plan really hinged on Graham being willing to help her pull it off. If she told her mother that she was going to Wachusett with Graham and a couple of friends, Cora couldn’t run into them in town that weekend.

“I’ll help you,” Graham said, and before Regina could thank him, he added, “On one condition.”

“And what would that be?” Regina asked. She should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. Not that Graham wouldn’t help her with whatever she wanted, especially if it mattered. But he also knew when he could push back. That was half of their relationship, her pushing and him pushing back. Never too hard, and never too much, but always enough to keep each other on their toes.

“That it isn’t just an alibi. Let me throw you a party for Friday.” Graham said, and Regina couldn’t stop the groan that came out of her mouth.

“Come on, Graham. You know I’m not really into the parties,” Regina said, and it was true. Ever since that party at the Moreno House that had led to her losing her virginity, she had been wary of parties, and then everything that had happened last spring had just made it worse. The only reason why she had gone to the party that had gotten the ball rolling last fall was because Mary Margaret had asked her herself, and Regina didn’t have the heart to say no.

“I didn’t mean like a full-fledged rager, Regina,” Graham teased, “I meant like the six of us. We get a little drunk and we celebrate your birthday. And we’ll do it in our cabin, and everyone who’s invited can stay with us, so that it won’t interfere with your romantic weekend. I just want to be able to celebrate your birthday, Regina.”

“When you put it like that...” Regina said, and she really couldn’t argue with that. Graham was her best friend, and with everything she had put him through over the last year, the least she could do was indulge him when he wanted to celebrate her birthday.

“The year is almost over, Regina. In just a few months we won’t be together anymore. You’re going to UPenn, Mary Margaret is going to Thomas, Emma is staying here and I’m going to Princeton. I just want us to enjoy these last few months we have together.”

“You know that it takes less than an hour to drive from UPenn to Princeton, right?” Regina asked, and smiled.

“Yes. That’s why I chose Princeton instead of Stanford.” Graham admitted, “The idea of being that far away from you seemed almost impossible.”

“Graham...” Regina said. “I didn’t know.”

“Look, Princeton is a great school. It’s not like it’s a big sacrifice. You know I’m only going to college because my family wants me to at least give it a chance. Maybe discover that I don’t want to become a cop after all.”

“So that’s still the end goal?” Regina asked. It had been a shock to her, as well as to Graham’s family, when he admitted that he wanted to become a cop and not take over the family business which was expected of him. But no, Graham wanted to be a cop.

“Yes,” Graham said, and Regina could tell that this was something that Graham burned for. Something he really wanted. Regina envied him. She wanted to have something like that. The only reason she chose UPenn was because it was Cora’s alma mater. The only reason she was thinking of becoming a lawyer was because her mother told her so. She wished she burned for something the way Graham burned for law enforcement or Mary Margaret burned for education. She wished she knew what she wanted.

“I think I’m going to major in criminology and maybe minor in business if my family gets their way,” Graham joked. “No, but I don’t mind having to go to college first. I’m not ready to jump out into the real world just yet.”

“I’m with you there,” Regina agreed. Everything seemed to be moving so fast. She wasn’t ready to leave; she wasn’t ready to grow up.

“So, about the party?” Graham asked. “I mean the totally casual get together in Wachusett next weekend,” he quickly added.

“What about it?” Regina said. “It was your idea. I’ll just follow your lead.”

“Are you sure? You’re not usually one for surprises, Regina.” Graham said.

“I’m getting better at them,” Regina said, smiling. After meeting Emma, and especially after dating her, she had started to let things go more easily, not having to control every detail. Emma had taught her to just let go and enjoy things as they came.

“She’s a good influence on you, you know?” Graham said, and Regina just smiled because they both knew who he was talking about, and Regina had to agree.

“I know,” Regina said, and her hand automatically went up to the necklace Emma had given her for Christmas. She wore it almost every day now.

“So, just the six of us right?” Graham asked. “That’s it?”

“Actually…” Regina said. “You should invite Katie and Fiona too. If they want to. I know they don’t know Ruby and Peter very well, but still...”

“You want me to invite your girlfriend’s ex-girlfriend to your birthday party?” Graham asked.

“I thought that’s what lesbians do,” Regina joked, and Graham laughed. “No, but seriously. We’re mending our friendship and I think I would actually like her to be there. I miss her,” Regina admitted. It had been hard to face that fact, but as Fiona had made her way back into her life through Emma, she had realized just how much she had missed her.

“I’m glad,” Graham said. “Not that you miss her, but that you are fixing things. She was your best friend for so long.”

“And she was a great best friend, but she has nothing on you,” Regina said. “I mean that Graham. Really. What you did for me last year is something I can never repay.”

“I loved you,” Graham said. “I mean I still love you, but you were hurting, and although things didn’t turn out as I expected, I never want you to hurt like that again.”

“Thank you,” Regina said before leaning in and hugging her best friend. She was forever grateful that Graham hadn’t walked out of her life last spring. Truth was, he probably saved her life by staying.

\--

“Mother?” Regina asked carefully. She knew she had to be clever to get Cora to agree to let her use the cabin for her birthday weekend.

“Yes, dear.” Cora answered, and Regina let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Her mother was in a good mood. Something that has become increasingly rarer and rarer over the past couple of months as Cora had spent less time in New York and more time in Storybrooke.

“Next weekend is my birthday, and I was wondering if I could possibly have a couple of friends at the winter cabin at Wachusett?” Regina said, carefully avoiding any mentions of Emma or her original plan for the weekend, before Graham has convinced her to actually make a weekend out of it.

“Which friends?” Cora asked, and Regina knew there was only one answer to this question.

“Graham and his girlfriend. A couple of girls from student council, maybe their boyfriends, and David and Kathryn.” Regina said. The only reason why she included David and Kathryn is because she knew they’d be in Boston next weekend, visiting Kathryn’s grandparents. She didn’t really have anything against the two of them, but they had always been more Graham’s friends than hers. And she hadn’t even spoken with them since the Winter Ball.

But she knew her mother approved of them, they weren’t mansion rich but their family were well enough respected that Cora thought they were a good influence, and it was not like any of the other mansion kids with the exception of Graham that were still on Cora’s approved list. Fiona had fallen off a long time ago, Killian fell off about the time he started calling himself Killian, and since no one had heard from Michael in nearly five years, he was not even a thought on her radar.

“Graham has a girlfriend?” Cora asked, and Regina couldn’t tell whether this fact pleased or displeased her mother. “Who is she?”

Regina took a breath, and thought about what she was going to say. She knew her mother didn’t approve that much of Leo, but Eva had been well regarded. And Cora hadn’t completely freaked out when she had brought Emma over. It was probably safe to tell her mother who Graham’s girlfriend was.

“Mary Margaret Blanchard, Eva and Leo’s daughter.” Regina said.

Her mother stiffened, but it was only for a second and Regina was sure she had imagined it. She had been on high alert for months, worrying about her mother. The fact that Cora was spending so much more time at home had made her paranoid.

“Ah, yes. Your friend, Emma’s sister?” Cora said, and this time Regina was the one who stiffened. She knew that Cora hadn’t just let go of Emma, she didn’t exactly fit into Cora’s mold of “appropriate” friends. But she hadn’t said anything since that Friday, Emma had come over. Actually, her mother had been scary silent on most fronts that included Regina’s personal life since New York.

Regina couldn’t help the feeling that told her that Cora was planning something, something she didn’t want. There were just so many things that were new this year, and it made Regina worried. Her mother not meddling as much in her business but still staying home more than Regina could ever remember her doing, the way her father had left without properly saying goodbye after Christmas, several days before he planned on leaving, and then it was just the way her mother was. Regina was worried. Regina was terrified her mother had found out somehow, found out about Emma or about Fiona or just figured out that Regina was gay.

“Uhm, yeah.” Regina said, “I mean, yes. Mary Margaret is Emma’s sister.” She corrected. She knew her mother didn’t approve of her using words like “yeah”. It wasn’t very ladylike. It was supposed to be simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’s. Nothing in between.

“Is Emma going to be coming to this party?” Cora asked.

“It’s not a party mother. We’ll only be a couple of people, and I thought it would be nice to spend the weekend up in Wachusett. It’s been a while since I went skiing.” Regina said.

“You didn’t answer the question Regina.” Cora said, and Regina felt the hair on the back of her neck rise up. It was never a good thing when her mother became like this. It usually ended up with bruises.

“I haven’t asked her yet.” Regina said, “She may have other plans.” And it was the truth. Regina hadn’t talked to Emma about it yet. She wanted to make sure she was allowed to go first. But without Emma there wasn’t really any point in going at all. It was all because of Emma she wanted to go in the first place.  

“Okay.” Cora said, and Regina paused. Had her mother just agreed to let her borrow the cabin or was it a more general okay about her having not asked Emma if she wanted to come. Cora was generally pretty strict about what Regina was allowed to do or not do. There was a reason why Regina was the only who of the “Golden Five” who  had never had a mansion party. Even Michael had had one, before he disappeared of the radar. They’d been ten, and it had been sodas and bouncy castles but still. It had been the best sodas and extravagant cakes. Regina never had that. She had celebrated her birthday a handful of times, usually only a dinner with her parents and Fiona back in the day. A couple of years, Graham had thrown her party. Last year, she had celebrated it alone, lied to Graham and said she was going to New York, and instead spent the entire day alone in her house.

Birthday’s generally meant she was in the center of attention, and Regina didn’t particularly like that. She was happier behind the scenes, watching and making sure everything went smoothly. The spotlight wasn’t her thing. That was why she took her name of the ballots for various Queens over the years. She didn’t want that attention. She wanted space, and the opportunity to be who she was.

“Will you be leaving on Thursday or Friday?” Cora asked, and Regina realized that her mother had just agreed to let her to use the cabin.

“Friday morning, mother.” Regina said, “It’s what makes the most sense for everyone, and since we have Friday off we won’t miss any classes.”

“That’s fine, dear.” Cora said, and it was like there had never been any problem at all. “Just makes sure you tell Rosemary.”

“I will, mother. Thank you.” Regina said.

\--

“So, do you have any plans next weekend?” Regina asked Emma as they were walking home from school. The snow was starting to melt, and it was getting warmer in Storybrooke. Regina hoped it would still be cold enough in Wachusett, but she wasn’t too worried. The snow lasted longer up there than it did in Storybrooke. That was the whole point of having the winter cabin up there in the first place.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Emma said innocently. “There isn’t anything happening is there?”

Regina punched her shoulder, “You think you’re so cute don’t you?”

“Well yes.” Emma said, “Because I am.”

Emma turned slightly to Regina and kissed her carefully. They’re generally more careful about their public kisses when Cora is in Storybrooke in case she would see them. But the kiss was short and sweet, and left Regina craving more. It always left Regina craving more.

“But no. I don’t have any plans. All I know it’s that it’s your birthday and I want to spent it with you.”

“Good. Because that’s what I want too.” Regina said, “So, I may have a plan.”

“A plan?” Emma said, “That sounds devious. Does it include that Evil Queen costume?”

“Emma!” Regina said as she felt her cheeks blush. It wasn’t the first time Emma had made references to her Halloween costume, and she would be lying if Emma hadn’t been the main reason why she had worn it in the first place but it still made her feel a little strange. She and Emma hadn’t talked that much about sex, she knew they needed to. Their make out sessions had become hotter, and after the incident with Mary Margaret, she knew that this was something they needed to discuss. But they always just ended up making out more every time they’d try.

“What?” Emma asked, just as innocent as always.

“You know what.” Regina said the blush still strong on her cheeks.

“You’re so easy sometimes.” Emma said, “That’s why I do it.”

“You’re a little brat.” Regina said, and she almost laughed at the offended look that crossed her girlfriends face.

“Why do I even hang out with you?” Emma asked, as she took Regina’s hand in her own.

“Because I am hot.” Regina stated frankly, “And dating me does wonders for your reputation.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Emma said, and smiled. This was Regina’s favorite part of her entire day. Just walking with Emma. Sometimes Graham or Mary Margaret or Ruby was with them. But moments like this, when it was just her and Emma was Regina’s favorite. Moments when she was just walking home with her girlfriend. She almost felt normal. This was how it was supposed to be, she was supposed to be able to walk home holding her girlfriends hand, and feel giddy every time Emma kissed her. That’s what all the romcoms Fiona had forced her to watch when they were younger had taught her.¨

She had believed that all of that was just bullshit. It had never felt like the movies before. It had always felt like it was something she was _supposed_ to do, so she had to do it. Walking down Main Street holding Graham’s hand had felt like something that was expected of her, not something she desperately wanted. But it was different now. Everything was different with Emma.

Regina wished she hadn’t wasted so much time, trying so hard to be something she wasn’t. She was leaving in a few months, she would be leaving all this behind, the thing that had once been the only thing she looked forwards, was something she was started to dread. The idea of leaving Emma behind to go to UPenn seemed almost impossible.

“So what is this master plan of yours?” Emma asked, pulling Regina back into reality.

“What?” Regina asked, still a little lost in her own thoughts.

“Your master plan for your birthday? What is it?” Emma repeated and Regina remembered what it was they were talking about in the first place. Her birthday. The cabin in Wachusett. The party.

They were coming up to the drive way of the Blanchard home, and Regina could smell the dinner that Leo was cooking.

“I’ll tell you inside.” Regina said, and the two girls made their way inside. The entire house smelled of spices and Regina was reminded of her father, and the food he used to make her when she was a kid.

“Hi, dad!” Emma said, “Sorry, we’re late. Regina was stuck doing something incredibly boring and important at school.”

“No worries, girls. I supposed that means you are staying for dinner, Regina?” Leo asked from the kitchen.

“If that’s alright with you, Leo.” Regina said, calling Leo by his first name had been hard to begin with but it hadn’t taken too long for Leo to convince her to do it. The Blanchard house had started to feel more like home than her own did. It had started to feel like the Moreno house when she was a kid.

“Of course, Regina. Dinner should be done in about half an hour. I’m trying something new.” Leo answered.

“Come on. Let’s go upstairs.” Emma said, and the two girls walked up into Emma’s room. Regina was surprised at how lax Leo was about her spending time in Emma’s bedroom unsupervised, but after spending time with Leo, and Emma and Mary Margaret it was clear that Leo trusted his daughters and did not want to control their lives. It was a feeling that was new to Regina.

“So, the plan?” Emma asked, as the two girls found their respective spots on opposite sides of Emma’s bed. Regina leaning at the head frame while Emma was sitting on the other side, leaning at the end frame.

“So, here’s the deal. My family has a cabin up in Wachusett, near the Ski Resort.” Regina started, “And I convinced my mother to let me use it next weekend”

“So far, I’m following.” Emma said, “But where is this master plan part of it?”

“So, the thing is. I couldn’t exactly tell my mother that I wanted to take my girlfriend to a weekend getaway in the mountains for my birthday.”

“Understandable. As your mother doesn’t know that you have a girlfriend.” Emma added, with a smile on her face. Regina was so happy that Emma was so understanding about how she couldn’t tell her mother the truth about them. How patient Emma was, and how she just trusted Regina with this.

“Right.” Regina said, “So originally I just planned on having Graham cover for us, so we could have the whole weekend for ourselves. If you wanted to go of course.”

“Regina. There is nothing more I would like than to spend a weekend with you up in the cold mountains.” Emma laughed. “But what do you mean originally?”

“Turns out, Graham actually likes me and would like to celebrate my birthday.” Regina said, “So we came up with this plan, which actually needs way less coordination and will probably make it less likely that my mother finds out.”

“Are you telling me that Graham is the brains of this operation? Should I be worried?” Emma teased, and Regina continues to be grateful for the friendship that had grown between Graham and Emma.

“Actually. It’s pretty smart.” Regina said, and continued to tell Emma about the plan, the party thrown at Graham’s cabin on Friday and how everyone who is coming could stay over there so they would still have the Mills cabin for themselves.

“So what you are saying is that we’re going to have an entire cabin for ourselves for almost a whole weekend?” Emma said, and wiggled her eyebrows and Regina decided that maybe this was the moment she was waiting for when it came to talking about sex.

“There are six bedrooms in the cabin, Emma. I’m not expecting anything.” Regina said, making sure that Emma knew that this weekend wasn’t just an excuse to get laid. She wanted to spend the weekend with Emma because Emma made everything better, and she wanted to do it some place where no one really knew her. Where she didn’t have to worry about Cora popping up every other second. She wanted a place where she and Emma could just _be._

“Regina.” Emma said, and moved closer to Regina, “I’m ready.”

“What?” Regina said, completely caught off guard.

“I’m not saying we have to have sex next weekend,” Emma said, “But if it happens, I’m ready. I want to.”

Regina felt herself grow warmer at the idea of having sex with Emma, she wanted this. She’d wanted it for a while if she was honest with herself, but the last thing she wanted to do was push Emma. She hadn’t even really thought about sex when she had planned the weekend up at Wachusett.

“Are you sure?” Regina said, “I don’t want you to think that I expect it. That I planned all of this, so that you would sleep with me.”

“I decided a while ago.” Emma said, “I’m ready. I don’t want to force it or plan it or anything like that. But if we find ourselves in that situation next weekend, I’m ready. I want to do this, Regina. I want to do this with _you._ ”

Regina leaned in and kissed Emma. The kiss grew passionate, and Regina knew that there wouldn’t be long before they had sex, and Regina wanted to make sure it was perfect for Emma. She wouldn’t push, and she wouldn’t plan, because she was worried that if she made a big deal out of it, Emma wouldn’t say no even if she changed her mind. She wanted whatever happened next to be what Emma wanted. She needed Emma’s first time to mean more than her own, and she was happy that Emma trusted her this much.

“Okay?” Emma asked when they finally broke apart.

“Yes.” Regina said, and smiled as Emma decided that she would rather snuggle into her girlfriend than sit on the opposite side of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Emma gets ready for the big weekend, and Emma and Leo have “the talk.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: So this is late again, I am obviously a terrible human being and should not be trusted with anything, but I blame winter break and master thesis writing for my lateness. I promise I will be better. Also thank you so much for all your comments on the last chapter, please keep them coming.

 

“You’re freaking out,” Ruby said, making Emma to turn away from her closet. She had a problem deciding what she was going to bring to the cabin.

“No, I’m not. I’m packing,” Emma countered, before turning her head back in to the closet.

“Yes,” Ruby said. “You’re packing and it’s Tuesday. You never pack until the night before, at the earliest. You usually throw something together the morning you’re leaving.”

“You’re right,” Emma said, closing her closet and practically throwing herself onto her bed.

“So what are you freaking out about?” Ruby asked, sitting down on the bed, opposite Emma.

“I told Regina I was ready,” Emma admitted. The thoughts had been fluttering around her head since she had told Regina. She knew she was ready. She couldn’t quite explain why but she knew. She knew she wanted this, and she knew she wanted it with Regina. She loved Regina. She loved Regina like she had never loved anyone before. It was a new feeling, one that felt different than anything else.

“Ready for?” Ruby asked, and Emma just looked at her. “Oh, for sex.”

“Yeah, for sex,” Emma said. “And I am. At least I think I am, and now we’re going to be spending the weekend together, mostly alone. I told her I didn’t expect something to happen, but I think we both know that this weekend is going to be it.”

“And now you’re freaking because of it?” Ruby asked, a look of understanding crossing her face.

“I don’t know,” Emma admitted. “I mean, I’m not worried about it, not really. I guess it’s just starting to hit me that this is a thing that I really want and I want it to be with her, and I guess it scares me. All of this scares me.”

“And it’s okay to be scared,” Ruby said. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal, but it can be. And you love Regina, I know you do. You may not be ready to tell her, and I know you have your reasons for it.”

“I do,” Emma said and smiled. “Sometimes I feel like I’ve loved her since before we met, like somehow it’s always been there, in the back of my mind. But other times, I don’t know. It’s scary. I don’t trust easily, and I love even harder, and there she was, just fighting her way through all of my defenses without even trying.”

Ruby reaches over and grabs Emma hand, “I know all of this is hard for you, Em. Trusting people, letting them in. It’s hard for me too. When you lose as much as we have, when you feel young and abandoned, it’s hard to let new people in.”

Emma knew Ruby was right; Ruby was always right. Well, most of the time anyway. Before she met Regina, Ruby was the one person in her life who truly understood her. Her father and her sister tried of course, and the loss of Eva had made both of them realize that life is fleeting, but it wasn’t quite the same. Ruby’s parents had been ripped from her, unexpected and without warning, and she had felt abandoned and alone even with Granny doing her best to make Ruby feel at home in Storybrooke. Ruby’s past, and the pain of losing her parents, was what connected the two of them in the first place. Emma had been lost, Storybrooke had been different than what she expected, and she was still terrified that it would somehow all be taken away from her. She had never had anything that lasted, and despite Leo’s best efforts to make Emma believe that she would never have to be alone again, she had trouble believing it. Social workers lied, foster parents lied, _people_ lied. Emma had spent her whole life trying to find something _true_ in forest of lies, and when she finally found something she was terrified it was going to be taken away from her.

Ruby understood that fear in Emma, that need to keep everyone and everything at a distance so that she wouldn’t get hurt when they inevitably left, yet these two broken girls had formed a friendship and trust unlike anything Emma had ever had. Ruby broke down Emma’s walls _because_ she understood why they were built, and Emma made Ruby believe that good things could last. It was a strange friendship to begin with, both girls unsure of the future and still holding on to the pain of the past. But suddenly one day, Emma didn’t feel so scared anymore, and she started to believe that this could actually last; that she could have something good in her life not being taken away from her.

Ruby was Emma’s best friend, and Emma was pretty sure she was going to be her best friend for the rest of her life.

“You know you’re my best friend right?” Emma asked, and the question obviously took Ruby by surprise.

“Where did that come from? Of course I know, you’re mine as well,” Ruby countered.

“I don’t know. All this talk about trusting people and letting them in made me think about how it was when I first came to Storybrooke,” Emma said. She remembered the first day she met Ruby as if it were yesterday.

_Storybrooke Elementary School was smaller than Emma expected. The last school she had gone to was huge, and she hadn’t even learned where all the classrooms were before her foster parents had sent her back to the group home. She was supposed to go back to her old school, but then one conversation with Leo had changed her life, and now here she was. In the middle of nowhere. Leo had kept her at home for a week, saying she needed time to familiarize herself with her circumstances. Whatever that meant._

_As Emma walked into what would be her tenth school – or maybe it was eleven, she had lost count somewhere along the time – Emma wished that she would be going to the same school as Mary Margaret, but she was still a year away from middle school. Emma wasn’t sure what to make of her new foster sister, but at least she would be a familiar face._

_She was too busy taking everything in that she didn’t even notice the brunette girl walking straight into her._

_“Hey, watch it!” Emma said, all of her defenses coming out at once. When you spent as much time in a group home as Emma had, it was hard not to become tough. And unwelcoming touches were one of the more annoying things Emma had ever had to deal with. It didn’t take long before kids realized that it was better to keep their hands off Emma Swan and her things, at least if they valued their life._

_“Look, I’m sorry,” the other girl said, and Emma took a look at her for the first time. Her hair was brown, or at least it used to be, now it was mostly red highlights. Emma was a little taken aback at how the other girl looked, as it was a look she recognized from the mirror. An always on guard, never let anyone in type of look._

_“Hey, no worries,” Emma said and paused before adding, “Red.”_

_“It’s Ruby,” Ruby countered._

_“I don’t know. I like Red better,” Emma said. “It suits you.”_ All anger and rage _, Emma added in her mind. She had a feeling this girl could be explosive if given the chance._

_“Whatever,” Ruby said dismissively. Emma could tell that this girl liked her, even if she wouldn’t admit it anytime soon, and if Emma was being completely honest with herself, she couldn’t help but be drawn to this girl. She was clearly though as nails._

_“What’s your name anyway? I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before,” Ruby said. “I mean, I’ve only been here two weeks, but this place is tiny and new faces are rare.”_

_“Emma,”_ _Emma said. “My name is Emma.”_

_“Nice to meet you Emma.”_

It hadn’t been an instant connection, but close enough, despite Emma pushing Ruby into a fountain the next time they met. She would still claim it was instinct that had made her do it, but she knew it probably wasn’t.

“Also I feel like I’ve been neglecting you for Graham and Regina, and I want you to know that you’ll always come first. Even if I have a girlfriend, and a Graham.”

“You haven’t been,” Ruby said. “Actually ever since this entire romantic comedy you call your love life began last fall, you made every effort to include me. I’m on the freaking _social committee_ Emma. Me, Ruby Lucas, who you had to drag head first to track try outs because I refused to believe that spending time with people who weren’t you was something worthwhile.”

“You got a point,” Emma said. “And when those scouts show up wanting to recruit you, I expect a thank you card, maybe a little gift.”

“You’re so arrogant at times that I don’t even know why I’m friends with you in the first place,” Ruby joked.

“Because you love me,” Emma answered, as she always did whenever Ruby “questioned” their friendship.

“Yeah, I do,” Ruby said, and smiled.

………….………..

It was Thursday morning, and the nerves that Emma had felt when talking to Ruby had almost completely disappeared. She knew she had created the nerves herself. She had made the choice on her own, and she had done it completely without influence of either Regina or anyone else for the matter. She wanted to share this with Regina.

“Hi,” Emma heard behind her, and turned around at the familiar voice.

“Hi,” she replied, and kissed her girlfriend softly. Every kiss still felt new to Emma. It felt like she had waited her whole life to be with Regina, and she knew that this was all she wanted, all she had ever wanted. She had spent her whole life looking for home, and she had found one in Storybrooke. She’d found it with her dad, and with her sister, and with Ruby. All of these people she never expected would be in her life.

But with Regina, it felt like the last piece had finally come into place. She knew it was completely cheesy and also out of character for her. But she wanted this, she wanted this so much. She loved Regina.

“Is everything okay?” Regina asked. “You seem a little out of it.”

“It’s just been a weird week,” Emma said. It was the truth; well most of the truth. Her week had been weird, and not just with the whole ‘birthday weekend’ nerves that had been plaguing her for longer than she liked to admit. Her father had been nervous and he clearly had something on his mind, but he refused to share. Mary Margaret had gotten a couple of acceptance letters to places that weren’t Thomas, and they had argued about it _again._ She didn’t want her sister to throw away her chances to go to a _great_ college just so that Emma would have a chance to go at all. Emma wasn’t even sure that she wanted to go to college.

“But everything’s fine?” Regina asked, and Emma could tell that her girlfriend was worried.

“It will be,” Emma said. “I just had a fight with Mary Margaret. It’ll blow over. It always does.”

“I’m sorry,” Regina said. “About what?”

“College. As always,” Emma said and sighed. “I know she says she wants to go to Thomas, and they do have a great education program and they are pretty decent in women’s soccer. But she got into UPenn, Brown and UCLA. Only none of them offered her a full scholarship.”

“And you still think she’s choosing Thomas so you can go to college?” Regina asked, and Emma remembered that she already told Regina about her sister and Thomas that night at Granny’s.

“Why else would she?” Emma said. It was an argument she had many times with her sister … and a couple with their father.

“Maybe she wants to go to a smaller college, or go to a school close to home because she doesn’t want to leave you and Leo behind? Or maybe she wants the chance to play college level soccer and she knows she’ll have the chance at Thomas?” Regina asked, and Emma could tell she was making sense.

“I hate it when you use logic on me,” Emma pouted. “You may have a point, but it’s easier to make this choice be about me.”

“You’re scared that when Eva’s relatives say that you’re no good, they’re right aren’t you?” Regina asked.

“I didn’t,” Emma said. “Until just now.” She hadn’t really thought about it like that before. She had just been sure that she was costing her sister this big opportunity she had always dreamt about.

“When you spend a large part of your childhood feeling unwanted and like a burden, it must be hard to leave that behind,” Regina said, and Emma was once again struck by how well Regina knew her.

“You know, I spend a large amount of time in therapy to figure things like this out, and here you are just throwing out advice I didn’t even know I needed,” Emma joked, but what Regina had said had really struck a chord with her. She’d never thought about it. She always thought that she just shrugged off what Eva’s family said about her. That it didn’t matter because she had a family now and they loved her.

“You know, this life thing is hard,” Regina said, and she reached out and claimed Emma’s hand. “We all need a little help at it from time to time.”

“When did you become so wise?” Emma asked, while squeezing Regina’s hand.

“I’ve always been this wise. You just never listen,” Regina teased.

“You may have a point there,” Emma said. “Guess I’m lucky to have such a patient, clever girlfriend.”

“You sure are,” Regina said, and kissed her. This kiss was more passionate than the last one, but still appropriate enough for school. Regina was usually pretty careful about PDA in the halls. Only the hall outside of the student council room seemed to be exempt from that rule. As was the actual student president room. Emma couldn’t help but be grateful for the fact that Regina was student president; it did give them the privacy and opportunity to just make out in the middle of the school day.

Emma had never really been big on the whole PDA deal. Even with Fiona she had been a little careful about it. Fiona hadn’t pushed exactly, but she had been a little bit more aggressive in regards to PDA, and Emma hadn’t _hated_ it. But she always felt a little uncomfortable about all of it. But with Regina, it felt different. It felt safe in a way it hadn’t before.

“Everything ready for this weekend?” Emma asked when they broke apart.

“I have no clue,” Regina admitted. “It’s all up to Graham.”

“You’re letting him plan all of it?” Emma asked, surprised that her girlfriend would give away all of her control like that. As long as Emma had known her, even though it had only been around six months, Regina had always had a need to be on top of everything, to double check and to be in charge.

“It was his idea,” Regina said and shrugged. “The only thing I care about is that you’re gonna be there.”

“As if I would be anywhere else,” Emma said, and it was the truth. She was really looking forward to the weekend, and for the couple of days they could let go and stop worrying about everything. Emma would stop worrying about the fact that most of the people she loved were leaving in a couple of months, and ideally Regina would stop worrying about her mother. Hopefully the two of them, just for a weekend, could be a couple of teenagers having fun. Emma really couldn’t wait.

…………..

It was Thursday night and Emma was finally done packing. After she was done panicking about everything, it had gone pretty smoothly and she had – as history had shown – finished packing the night before leaving. They were leaving pretty earlier in the morning, since it took about five hours, without breaks and in good traffic, and they wanted to get the most out of the whole weekend.

Emma heard a knock on her door. “Come in.”

Leo stuck his head in the door. “Hi, Em. Can we talk for a second?”

“Of course, dad. Come in,” Emma said. Leo made his way into her room and sat down on her bed. Emma was reminded of a conversation they’d had nine months earlier.

_“Dad, can I talk to you?” Emma was nervous as she approached her father. It had been almost a month since she told her sister, and Ruby. But her dad was something else entirely. He was her dad and she was terrified about how he would react._

_“Of course, Em. You can always talk to me,” Leo said, and Emma felt her heart race. This was it. She wanted to tell her dad, she really did. They had never had any secrets between them, probably partly because Leo had read her file and every dirty secret she’d ever had was in that file. She had told him the first time she had kissed a boy, and the first time she’d gone to a party. Her father knew everything, and she wanted that. She cherished that. She had never had anyone who wanted to know everything before, and now that she had someone, she didn’t like to keep things from him. But now there was this big thing, and she hadn’t told him._

_“Is everything okay?” Leo asked, and Emma almost fell apart at that moment. She could feel the tears forming in her eyes._

_“Hey…” Leo said. He got up from his chair, walked over to Emma, and hugged her fiercely. “What’s wrong?”_

_“I am,” Emma said, and the tears stung in her eyes._

_“You’re a lot of things, Emma. But wrong is not one of them,” Leo said, and Emma pulled her father closer, never wanting to let go. She felt safe in his arms. They were the first place she’d ever felt safe, and she was terrified that would change. Logically, she knew her father wasn’t homophobic and she knew he wouldn’t throw her out or refute her adoption, but years of rejection spoke much louder than her brain at the moment._

_“I can tell that you are scared of something, would you please tell me why?” Leo said, and Emma let go of her father so she could look him in the eye._

_“Of you,” Emma said, the words barely forming on her lips. “I’m scared of what happens next.”_

_“You can tell me anything, Emma,” Leo said. “And no matter what you say, I’ll love you.”_

_Emma almost expected him to ask if she was pregnant, like Mary Margaret had. But that wasn’t Leo’s style. He wouldn’t make assumptions and he wouldn’t ask for specifics. He would wait until she was ready to tell him._

_“I know,” Emma said, and she did. But somehow that didn’t make a difference. She was worried about how her father would react. She was worried about how her life would be. She was worried about the future. She was worried about everything._

_“Then tell me,” Leo said, never pushing but telling her that this was a safe place and it would always be a safe place._

_“I’m gay.”_

Emma couldn’t believe that that was nine months ago. She couldn’t believe the ways her life had changed since then, how much more comfortable she felt with herself. She still worried about the future. Of course she did, she was a sixteen year old girl. She had her whole life in front of her and she wasn’t sure of what she wanted and where to go. But she felt sure of herself. She started to figure out who she was and who she wanted to be. Her gayness was only a small part of her, but it was a part she wouldn’t change. She felt at home in her skin, and that was something that had taken a lot of time.

“What is it you want to talk about?” Emma asked.

“You and Regina,” Leo said, and Emma realized she should have seen this coming but somehow she hadn’t. Her dad wanted to have “the talk”. Leo had given her a short, and very straight, version of the talk a couple of years earlier. Emma figured he was giving her a refresher now that she was actually in a somewhat serious relationship.

“Do we have to?” Emma said, despite knowing that, yeah, they probably did.

“You’re going away for the weekend with your girlfriend, Emma,” Leo said, but he was smiling. “I think we need to. Have you two had sex?”

“Dad!” That was the downside with having a social worker as a father. He had never had problem discussing the harder topics. It was probably a side-effect of dealing with troubled kids and teens for most of his life. He knew what happened when you didn’t talk about the hard stuff. “No, we haven’t,” Emma answered after the look on her father’s face made it clear that she wasn’t getting away from this conversation. “But we’ve talked about it.”

“I’m not going to yell or be mad, or tell you you can’t go. I’m not even going to tell you to always have the door open when Regina is here because I know that doesn’t make a difference. I want you to be able to trust me, and I want you to know that I trust you,” Leo said, and Emma could tell he was a little uncomfortable.

“But?” Emma asked.

“There is no but. Well, not really. I want to you to be sure. Having sex is a big deal, Emma. And I want you to be safe,” Leo said.

“I love her,” Emma admitted. She had now told several people, but she still had not told Regina. She knew she loved her, but she was scared Regina would run if she told her so soon.

“You do?” Leo asked. “You’ve only been dating for a couple of months.”

“Yes. I fell in love with her before we were dating, and when we started, it just cemented how I feel about her,” Emma said. “And everything that is happening is my choice. You understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I do,” Leo said. “I just want you to be careful. I’m worried about you. I’ve always been worried about you.”

“I know, dad. You’ve always looked after me,” Emma said, leaning over and hugging her dad.

_“That’s what you’ve been so afraid to tell me?” Leo said, and the look on his face made almost all of her nerves disappear. He still loved her, she could tell._

_“Yeah,” Emma said, “I didn’t know how…”_

_“Em, you should never be scared to tell me anything. And if you were scared of how I would react to this? I love you, no matter what.”_

_“I know that. But it’s still scary, you know? Everything is changing and I’m terrified about what it means. My life has never fit into a box, and this just… I don’t know,” Emma said, and wiped the tears from her eyes. She was feeling better now. It felt good to get this off her chest._   _It had been one thing to tell her sister. It had been terrifying and freeing. But telling her father made it real. It had been the one thing that had kept her from accepting it completely. It wouldn’t be real until she told her father._

_“Life is scary, Em. But I will always have your back. You know that right?”_

_“I know.”_

“Look, I’m not going to tell you that Regina and I won’t have sex this weekend, because I can’t. But I want you to know that if we do, it will be my choice and that I’m ready for whatever happens. We’ve talked about it and when it happens it will be because we’re both ready and because we both want it,” Emma said, saying more than she intended but probably exactly what her father needed to hear. Emma knew that her father wasn’t as naïve as he pretended to be when it came to her and her sister.

“That’s the most important thing,” Leo said. “I just want you to be happy, you know that right?”

“Yeah, dad. I know. I want you to be happy to, you know that right?” Emma said. “I know you’ve been thinking about something and whatever it is, both me and Mary Margaret want you to be happy. And it seems like Ingrid is doing that. So whatever _you’re_ worried about, it will be okay.”

“Thank you. I love you, Em,” Leo said.

“I love you, too.”                    

…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Next time: IT’S TIME FOR REGINA’S BIRTHDAY.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is late and unbeta’ed because I really wanted to get this out. I spent all last week preparing for the national championship in Quiddich last weekend. (We came 7th if anyone is wondering), so I haven’t really had the time to write. But anyways here is the chapter.

Regina looked from the driver seat over on her sleeping girlfriend, and smiled. Regina knew that getting up at six am had been hard on her girlfriend, and Emma wasn’t exactly a morning person. The trip that was supposed to last a little over six hours was now in hour seven. Emma and Regina were in their own car, while Katie, Fiona, Graham, Ruby, Mary Margaret and Peter were riding in Katie’s Ford Expedition. Why Katie had a car that roomed eight people was not something Regina knew, but Regina had opted to take her own car because she had plans for the way back. She wanted to show Emma something without the others tagging along. After all, this was her birthday weekend.

Regina had always loved the ride up to the winter cabins, even when she was kid, and today was no different. Even if they had been stuck in traffic for longer than expected, and Ruby and Emma took about as long time as expected when eating lunch, it had still been enjoyable.  Emma had fallen asleep just outside of Portsmouth and Regina had been driving in relative silence for the last hour or so. This was the first time in years, Regina felt excited about her birthday and the girl sleeping in the seat next to her was a big reason for that.

As they were coming up on the final exit, she heard her phone ring and noticed Emma stirring.

“Hey.” Regina answered the phone.

“Are you and Emma planning to head to your cabin first and stuff?” the voice of Graham rung through the car speaker system and Emma woke.

“That’s the plan.” Regina answered, “At least to leave our stuff. It’s only around two, so I planned on maybe hitting the slopes a little bit before tonight.”

“Cool. That gets me plenty time to get ready for tonight. Fiona and Katie are making pizzas and stuff, so if you and Emma could make your way here by seven that would be great.”

Regina smiled to herself, she had been a little unsure about inviting Fiona and Katie along. Not just because Fiona and Emma had dated, the thought didn’t even really cross her mind until Graham had mentioned it. But it had been years since she had spent any considerate amount of time with Fiona. It was strange to look back on now, remembering how for so long they’d spent as much time together as possible. She had spent more time with Fiona’s parents than she ever had with her own, and then after everything happened, Regina had tried so hard to distance herself for everything to do with Fiona that she had almost forgotten what it was like to have a best friend like that.

Even with Graham things had been different, that first year after she ‘ditched’ Fiona she had tried to rebuild herself, and her friendship with Graham was tentative and unsure. It wasn’t anything like the friendship she had with Fiona, and then Dani and the party and everything happened. And suddenly Graham was her _boy_ friend, and that was something entirely new. It hadn’t really been until she came back from Switzerland that things had begun to from again. She and Graham healed their relationship; they were friends, real true friends. She knew that Graham would always be in her life. They’d shared too much, and he meant too much for it to be any other way.

And now it was finally time for her to heal her relationship with Fiona completely. She had been talking small steps since the Winter Ball. Figuring out her feelings in her head, talking about them with Emma, and figuring out how everything fit. She wanted to heal her relationship with Fiona, and this weekend was probably the best way to do that.

“Why is Graham talking to me from the heavens?” Emma groggily asked.

Regina turned and looked at her girlfriend, and smiled even more. Emma had changed so much just by being in her life and Regina wasn’t sure Emma would ever fully realize that. This weekend was also about making sure Emma knew how much she meant to Regina. About the two of them being able to be just them, and not think about anything. Not Cora, not school, not the future, nothing. Just being able to be happy.

“Because the Bluetooth on my phone is connected to the speaker system.” Regina answered simply.

“I’ll talk you later, Graham.” Regina said and hung up the phone.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Regina said, and turned briefly to her girlfriend before returning her gaze to the road.

“How long was I out?” Emma asked, rubbing her eyes.

“About an hour, so not too long.” Regina answered.

“You could have woken me up you know, I didn’t intend for you to have to drive all alone in silence.”

“I like the silence” Regina said, “It calms me.”

“You’re really weird, you know that right?” Emma asked

“Says the girl who is wearing sushi leggings and fur boots.” Regina countered.

“They’re comfortable.” Emma defended herself, “If I’m going to get up at the crack of dawn, drive for a million miles, I sure as hell is going to be comfortable. Also I look hella adorable.”

Regina really couldn’t argue about that. Not that she would have argued about any of it. Regina wished she had clothes that seemed as cozy as those her girlfriend was wearing. She herself was wearing a pair of sweats that she had to hide from her mother in fear she would throw them out. Cora wasn’t the kind of woman who appreciated clothes for their cozy-factor and was rather clear on the way she wished her daughter would dress.

“I guess you’re right,” Regina said, faking a look of loss on her face, but it only lasted for about a second before she broke out in a huge grin. This weekend was already shaping up to become everything she hoped it would be.

“What? _I_ was right.” Emma feigned surprise, “Isn’t that the same as you admitting you were wrong, Your Majesty?”

“Shush it.” Regina said, but she was still smiling. Emma brought that out in her, this almost need to smile. Like nothing else seems right, other than smiling. And whenever Emma smiled back, Regina felt like she could walk on water. She wondered if this is how it is supposed to feel, or if this is something else. She wonders if everyone feels like this.

Regina turned her head, and looked at Emma, and she knew that she could love Emma. She could probably love Emma for the rest of her life. She wasn’t quite there yet, not quite willing to allow herself to feel that way. Not yet. But someday, definitely. Maybe even someday every soon.

xxxx

“Would you hate me if I stayed behind right now?” Emma said, lounging on the big sofa in the living room. “I mean I could totally go skiing with you, if you desperately wanted.”

Regina could tell that the last thing Emma wanted to do at the moment was ski, she still looked exhausted and  if Emma’s skating skills were indicative of all of her skills in winter sports, the slopes that Regina was hoping to hit were probably too advanced for her anyway.

“If you want to sleep some more, that’s cool with me.” Regina said, and it was. While she desperately wanted to show Emma the mountain, and ski with her, and drink hot cocoa covered in whipped cream, she knew they could do all of that tomorrow. She was perfectly fine with hitting the slopes by herself; it would probably do her good. Nothing cleared her head as much as skiing did. It was one of the reasons why she loved coming here. The feeling of racing down the slopes almost felt like flying and it was one of the few moments she truly felt free.

“Are you sure? I know you wanted this weekend to be this epic adventure, but I’m _really_ tired, and I want to be able to keep up tonight.” Emma said, and as Regina raised her eyebrows in a ‘really?’ manner, Emma added, “I mean for the party. I want to be awake for the party. I didn’t mean, I mean...” Emma blushed, and Regina couldn’t help but find the whole thing incredibly adorable.

“I knew what you meant.” Regina assured her girlfriend, though she had to admit to herself that for a second she had thought Emma were referring to sex. They were both aware it would probably happen that weekend, and Regina was a little nervous about it. She wanted it to be special, but also she wouldn’t push it. She knew that every step they took from here on out, has to be on Emma’s terms. She _wanted_ it to be on Emma’s terms.

Looking back, Regina wished so desperately that she had waited. Not because she felt ashamed or because it was something wrong in not waiting, but she wished she had waited so that her first time could have been with Emma. She wished she could share that moment truly with Emma. But then again, Regina had a lot of regrets about a lot of things in her past, and the only way to deal with those were to not make the same mistakes again.

“Good.” Emma said, and walked over and kissed Regina fiercely. “Because as much as I want _that_ to happen, I’m not making any assumptions.” She added when they broke apart and Regina felt a chill go down her spine. It was definitely happening this weekend, and she felt her entire body shake in excitement. She was ready for this; she was ready to share this with Emma. All of it really.

“What are you going to do when I am gone then?” Regina asked, as soon as her thoughts returned from the little detour into what would happen during the weekend.

“Sleep.” Emma said sheepishly, “and then probably head over and help Graham for tonight. It is your birthday after all, and you, Madame President, deserve only the best.”

“So it’s back to Madame President, is it?” Regina teased.

“Well, you don’t like it when I call you ‘Your Majesty” so I figured I would shake it up a little” Emma teased back and Regina couldn’t help the smile that was forming on her lips. She couldn’t believe that she was lucky enough to have Emma as her girlfriend, she was pretty sure she didn’t deserve someone as amazing as Emma is as her girlfriend.

“You’re quite the tease aren’t you, Ms. Swan-Blanchard.” Regina said.

“Oh, you just wait and see.” Emma said, and if she had anything to choke on Regina is pretty sure she would have, and she felt herself blush profoundly which caused Emma to burst out in a smirk. And instead of replying, Regina did the only thing she knew how-to, she pulled Emma closer and kissed her passionately. The kissing continued, and Regina knew she would make it to the slopes eventually. It just may take slightly longer than planned.

xxxx

Graham pulled Regina over to the couch in front of the fireplace. The music was still coming loudly from the kitchen area where Fiona and Katie were trying to make frozen mojitos, rather poorly, the stage and as away from the loud music as possible. Regina was buzzed but not close to drunk, she’d only had a couple of drinks and had switched to coke, despite everyone else having a rather large amount of alcohol in their systems. Ever since last spring, Regina had been very careful about how much she drunk.

“Hey listen Regina; I need to talk to you about Emma.”

“What about her? She is so amazing. " Regina said, letting the little alcohol she had do the talking,

“Yes, she  is great and you deserve her Regina. I know you still feel like you don't deserve anything good. But you do. You deserve the world, Regina Mills."

"I know." Regina said, "I'm not worried about it."

“You are. You always are. I know you. So please just relax, she adores you.” Graham said.

“I adore her too.” Regina admitted, “It scares me.”

“I think it’s supposed to.” Graham said, and pulled Regina closer into his embrace and Regina was again hit by how grateful and happy she was to have Graham in her life like this. ”

“You get gushy when you drink." Regina teased. 

“Well, there are worse things.”

“Graham…” Regina said, thinking about last spring. How everything that had went down, and how Graham was still here.

“I wasn’t talking about that Regina.” Graham said, as if he could read her mind. “We’re here, in this moment. Let’s not dwell on the past."

“I love you." Regina said, and realized she meant it. She loved Graham so much. He was her best friend.

"You get mushy too." Graham said, but Regina could tell that he was touched. "And I love you too." Graham leaned over and hugged her. His arms still felt safe. They broke apart and she looked over to the other side of the room where Katie and Fiona had made their way out with their frozen drinks, and where Emma was sitting next to Ruby. She could tell that her girlfriend had had some drinks, but she still looked fairly sober.

It was clear she was nowhere as wasted as she had been that night at Graham’s party all those months ago. That night still burned in Regina’s mind, how _jealous_ she’d been of Fiona and how angry she had been at her. She has been stupid, she’d known that now. But back then, her denial was still so strong and she was still so angry at the world so she had lashed out at Fiona. The argument they’d had when Fiona had thrown what had happened between them back at her still burned in her mind. She had made so many mistakes over the past couple of years, she wondered if she would ever really be able to let go.

She was so lost in thought she barely noticed Fiona making her way to her, she had completely missed the fact that Graham had left her alone to go make out with his girlfriend in the corner.

“Hey, you okay?” Fiona asked and snapped Regina out of her funk, “This is your birthday party.”

“I’m fine.” Regina said, “Just being me, I suppose.”

 “Come on,” Fiona said, “I know you can be fun. And I know the last couple of years have been hard on you. But it’s your birthday. You have a beautiful girlfriend, and amazing friends. Let’s just be happy.”

“I miss you.” Regina blurted out. She hadn’t actually intended on telling Fiona that despite it being the truth. She missed her very much.

“I’m right here, Regina.” Fiona said, and pulled her into a hug. The sensation was unfamiliar and then very familiar. It felt nice, and it had been so long since Fiona had hugged her. So long since they had had any physical contact really, and despite the fact that they had slept together once, it was very clear to Regina in this moment that whatever feelings she had, probably ever had towards Fiona was completely platonic.

“And here Graham was worried about me being around my ex-girlfriend." Emma said, and the two girls broke apart with a laugh.

"Hey, you were the one who left yout beautiful girlfriend here all alone." Fiona teased, and Regina realized she didn't feel jealous at all over the easy banter between the two of them. They had dated, and that was fine, but whatever feelings might have been there are now completely gone. 

“Well, true." Emma said, "But remember she is all mine."

"I know." Fiona said, "You take care of her."

“Fiona!” Regina protested, but Fiona only shrugged.”What, you need it?."

Emma laughed at the shocked look on Regina's face before dragging her girlfriend out on the dance floor. 

xxx

 

The night went on, and Regina realized she was having a truly good night. It had been a long time since she felt like that. Especially at a party, she had been nursing her drink for a good hour. Being careful about not drinking too much, but still enjoying herself. She wasn’t afraid to get drunk, not really. But she didn’t always like the person she was when she was to drunk. She was too reckless, too honest, and too mean at times. She had little control, and that was the thing Regina liked the least about being drunk and probably the reason why she had drunk so much last year. But this was good, she was buzzed enough to feel warm and careful, but not drunk enough to lose control.

Fiona and Katie were dancing to the music and wound up making out. Mary Margaret and Graham were cuddling and Peter was making out with Ruby in the back of the room. Emma was nowhere to be found. Regina looked around the cabin, first in the kitchen and then the bathrooms before she heard a noise coming from outside. She walked to the door, and saw her girlfriend standing outside in the cold. Regina opened the door and went outside to join her.

“Hey.” Regina said and walked up behind Emma, “I have been looking everywhere for you.”

“It’s really nice out here.” Emma said, and shrugged.

“It’s freezing, Em.” Regina said, and walked over to where she knew the Humberts kept their blankets and pillows for the summer months. Unlike Regina’s family, Graham’s family used their “winter” cabin all year round due to the fantastic hiking trails in the area. She pulled out a blanket and a couple of pillows and walked over and put the blanket around her girlfriend shoulders. “Here.”

“Honestly, I didn’t even notice.” Emma admitted. Regina handed Emma one of the pillows and put the other on the stoop next to her.

“How much have you had to drink?” Regina asked, before sitting down next to Emma.

“Some. Not a lot. Certainly less than I had at Graham’s party.” Emma said, “Don’t worry.”

“I’m not.” Regina said, “Not really anyway. So what are you doing out here?”

“Looking at the stars, contemplating life.” Emma said, “I love the stars. When I was five, almost six, I ended up in my first group home. Before then, I had only been with foster families. It was a completely new experience, so many kids fighting for attention, wanting to be listened to. It was crowded and hard, but the windows on the second floor led out on the roof so I used to escape out there when it became too hard. I used to look up on the stars and dream about different universes where I was loved and happy. To this day, looking up at the stars gives me calm nothing else ever has.”

“Emma, I…” Regina said, unsure of how to say something. Regina knows that Emma’s life prior to coming to Storybrooke had been hard. But sometimes it, Emma confesses things like this and Regina’s heart breaks for that little girl who deserves to be loved so much. At least Regina never doubted that someone loved her. Her father was always very clear about that, and her mother. Well, her mother only wants what’s best for her. She always wanted what was best for Regina. Cora may not show love in the way most people do, but Regina knows her mother cares about her. She wouldn’t be so angry when Regina did something wrong if Cora didn’t care.

“I didn’t tell you that to make you feel sorry for me.” Emma said, “I just wanted you to know why I love this.” Emma paused, “Why I love to be able to just stand outside and watch the stars. It makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. It makes me be able to dream.”

“I don’t feel sorry for you, Emma.” Regina said, “I’ll never pity you. If anything, everything you tell me makes me admire you. You’re the strongest person I have ever met.”

“I love you.” Emma said, and Regina stopped in her tracks. She wasn’t expecting that. Not now. She wasn’t, she… Regina felt the anxiety stirring in her. Did Emma expect her to say it back? Could she say it back? Every thought in Regina’s head starting spinning, and she only came back to earth when she felt Emma’s hand on hers.

“Relax.” Emma said with a smile, “I didn’t say it because I expected you to say it back. It’s early I know, and I know you’re not there yet. I just wanted you to know that I love you.”

Regina calmed, and she was yet again taken aback by how strong her girlfriend was, how incredible. Emma had been through so much in her, and yet this amazing girl was able to open up her heart and let Regina in. Regina may not quite “be there” yet as Emma said, but she knew she admired this girl and she cared about her very much.

“You’re incredible.” Regina said instead and leaned over and kissed Emma, hoping that everything she was feeling, the things she was able to admit to and those she was not quite ready for yet, all conveyed in that one kiss. She needed Emma to know that she cared, and how much it meant to her that she loved her.

“And you’re amazing.” Emma said, “Thank you for not freaking out too much on me. I know we’ve only been dating for a few months, but I fell in love with you long before you kissed me.”

Regina smiled, “Look, Emma. I care about you a lot, but everything is still so new to me. All of this.”

“I meant it when I said I didn’t expect you to say it back. I know this is all new for you, and I know how terrifying all of this can be. But I wanted you to know, I couldn’t…” Emma struggled to find the words, and Regina just stayed silent as Emma tried to figure out how to say what she wanted.

“If things progress this weekend, I didn’t want them to do so without you knowing that.” Emma finally said, and Regina felt her heart skip. It wasn’t as she hadn’t been thinking about the possibility of having sex with Emma since Emma had told her she was ready. It was something she had spent more time thinking about than what was probably healthy. But all of this was just overwhelming, but in a good way. Emma loved her. Emma loved _her_. This incredible strong girl who could have anyone she wanted loved _her_ and Regina couldn’t quite believe it.

“Thank you.” Regina said a voice nearly above a whisper.

“For what?” Emma asked, and Regina couldn’t understand how this girl didn’t understand how incredible she was. How breathtaking and amazing.

“For this.” Regina said, her words failing her. She may not be in love with Emma, not yet. But Regina knew in this very moment, that Emma Swan-Blanchard would find her way into her heart as soon as Regina was able to accept it. Truly accept it. She was falling for her, Regina knew that. If she was being honest with herself, she had been falling for her since that night at the Box when it had only been the two of them, and Emma had taken her hand when Mufasa had died and it hadn’t been awkward or wrong and Regina had gotten scared. She had spent so much of her life running scared, and when she looked into Emma’s eyes, she was still scared. She knew she was, but she also knew that if anyone could break down her walls, it would be Emma.

“I love you.” Emma said again, just simply and Regina melted as she leaned into kiss her girlfriend again. This was everything she wanted. This was everything she had ever dreamed of.

“This is where you two have been hiding.” The two girls broke apart at the sound of Ruby’s voice, and turned around to face the girl who was standing in the doorway, “Stop making out and come back inside. I want to do shots. With the both of you.”

Emma shrugged, “Come on. We’re only young once.”

Regina smiled, grabbed Emma’s hand and the two girls followed Ruby back in. Regina knew she wouldn’t drink much more than she already had, but she wasn’t going to keep Emma from having shots with her best friend. She would probably even indulge Ruby and have one herself. It was her birthday after all.

xxxxx

They were walking back to Regina’s cabin and the cold felt good against their flushed skin, Graham had kicked them out after a particularly intense make-out session and realizing that maybe it was time for people to go to bed. Peter and Ruby had already disappeared almost an hour earlier, drunk on love and tequila clearly. Fiona and Katie had snuck away to a corner and were making out almost as intensely as Regina and Emma. All in all, it had been a very good night.

The two girls made their way into Regina’s cabin, and Regina was just taken aback at how beautiful her girlfriend actually was. There she was standing in the darkness, lips swollen and her hair unruly after Regina had messed it up. She looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Wow. You’re so beautiful.” She muttered, moving closer to her girlfriend.

“No, you’re the one that’s beautiful.” Emma countered, and two girls were standing barely inches apart. Regina could always feel Emma’s breath on her face. Regina just closed the short space inbetween them, and took Emma's mouth in hers. 

Emma ran her hands up Regina’s body and Regina moaned. It was passionate and terrifying, and Regina wondered if this was it. But it shouldn’t be. Regina knew it shouldn’t be. She wanted this so badly though. She wanted it more than she had ever wanted anything ever. But no, they had to wait. Emma was drunk, or at the very least too drunk for this. She wouldn’t let Emma make the same mistakes as she had done.

 “Emma… wait,” she moaned quietly, and Emma stopped instantly. Regina was impressed with how quickly Emma had reacted.

“We need to stop.” Regina said with as much strength as she could muster. She wanted this, but she knew tonight was not the right time.

“I thought you wanted…” Emma said, and Regina felt a little heartbroken at the look on Emma’s face, this idea that maybe it was her fault.

“I do.” Regina said, “God, I do. So badly. But not like this. You’re drunk, I’m not as sober as I would like to be. I don’t want us to rush into this half drunk and with clouded heads. I don’t want our first time to be like this.”

“You’re right.” Emma said, “I guess we got a little carried away. I want this though.”

“Me too.” Regina said, “But not tonight, not like this. Let’s just go to bed.”

The two girls split apart, reluctantly. It was one of the hardest things she had ever done. How easy it would have been too continue like that. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t do that to Emma. She wanted to be with Emma so badly, but she wanted them to do it right. Or at the very least sober. Tomorrow, Regina heard herself think, tomorrow.

“Goodnight, Emma.” Regina said, as she walked into the bathroom. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I hope you had a great birthday, Regina.” Emma said.

“The best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time, Regina and Emma’s relationship progress to the next level, Emma tries (and fails) to impress Regina with her skiing skills.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I accidentally deleted this chapter, when trying to fix chapter 17 because I am an idiot.

**AN: You guys have every right to hate me, but I am sorry for first this taking a month to get out and for the fact that I am putting this fic on hiatus until I am done with my master thesis. I’m sorry, but every moment of my time goes to finish that in time.**

Emma woke to the sunlight on her face and it took her a second to realize where she was. A smile formed on her lips as she remembered yesterday and how perfect everything had been. Even if they hadn’t slept together. Emma was grateful that Regina had stopped them. She had been right; there first time shouldn’t have happened like that, drunk and clumsy.

Emma turned towards the door at the sound of a knock, “Come in.”

“I was just checking if you were awake.” Regina said, and Emma was almost taken back at how beautiful her girlfriend looked. Her hair all tussled and wearing her PJs, it was maybe the sexiest thing Emma had ever seen. Regina rarely let people see this side of her, and it was so beautiful to see her completely relaxed like that.

“Yeah, I’m up.” Emma said, and gestured for Regina to enter the room.

“Did you sleep well?” Regina asked, before sitting down at the end of Emma’s bed .

“Better than I have in a while.” Emma admitted, she had slept absolutely amazing which was strange because she rarely slept well when she had that amount of alcohol in her system. She also realized she didn’t have even the slightly bit of a hangover.  “Are these beds magic?”

“It’s the air up here.” Regina said, “I always sleep better here as well.”

“Well, we should bottle it and sell it as a sleeping aid.” Emma joked, “Because it is seriously magic.”

Regina just smiled and leaned over to kiss Emma, but Emma stopped her. “Gross morning breath.”

“I don’t care.” Regina just said, and this time Emma allowed Regina to kiss her. It was just a short one, but it still made Emma feel all funny. She thought about last night, and the memory was enough to leave her all flushed, hopefully Regina wouldn’t notice.

“So what is the plan for today?” Emma asked instead, trying to get her mind on other things.

“I figured we would hit the slopes.” Regina said, “I don’t know if you have much experience with this kind of skiing, but I am sure it’s going to be great.”

“If you say so.” Emma said, slightly unsure of herself. The only kind of skiing she’d ever done was cross-country, and even that was hard if there were actual hills involved in it. But Regina was so enthusiastic and happy about it, that she was gonna let her be that. It was Regina’s birthday after all. And who knows, maybe she’ll be able to impress Regina with some skills she may magically have. You can never know. After all, it seemed like one of those weekends. Magic was in the air after all.

“So you’re okay with us doing that today?” Regina asked, a slight look of worry on her face that Emma wanted to remove instantly. She had seen how Regina had been yesterday after coming back from the slopes. She was so happy and so free, in a way  she had only seen her be after riding. Emma would never understand how riding, and skiing would be how her girlfriend felt free, but then again she didn’t understand why Ruby ran when she was upset. Everybody  has their own coping mechanism Emma presumed.

“Of course.” Emma said and smiled; “Besides it’s your birthday. We’re doing what you want. That is the point of this whole trip.”

“It was a good idea.” Regina said, “And I am glad Graham convinced me to invite the rest of the group too. Yesterday was really fun. The most fun I’ve had in a really long time.”

“Yeah. Me too.” Emma said, “And you got to talk to Fiona?”

“It was nice. It was good actually,” Regina admitted, “It still feels so strange because I’ve gone so long without her in my life, and now she is back. And I am glad she is back, but it’s still weird.”

“I know.” Emma said and she did, “It’s like you’ve gone so long without something that when its finally there you aren’t sure you can trust it.”

“It’s probably stupid. It’s my fault our friendship stopped, but still…” Regina said, and Emma could tell that Regina still blames herself for the way she had treated Fiona in the past. In many ways, the way Regina cared so deeply and held on to her mistakes, was something that made Emma love her so much. Because so few people got to see that side of Regina. But it was there, Regina Mills cared so deeply it usually got her in trouble.

“You’re not stupid, and you know she has forgiven you for that right?” Emma said, “They both have. Both Fiona and Graham. The only thing missing is you forgiving yourself.”

“That’s easier said than done.” Regina replied.

“I know.” Emma said, and leaned in a kissed her girlfriend. The morning breath long forgotten, until Regina pulled off and said, “Yeah, that morning breath is kind of bad.”

“You’re an ass.” Emma said, and laughed. And a part of her hoped she got to do this for the rest of her life, sitting in bed with Regina, joking about morning breath.

xxx

“What are you doing here alone?” Emma turned at the sound of Fiona’s voice. She has pretty much just sat down, a steamy hot cup of cocoa in her hands.

“Because as it turns out I am _terrible_ at winter sports.” Emma said, and gestured that Fiona should sit down next to her on the red couch.

“That bad?” Fiona asked as she made her way to Emma and sat down next to her.

“Let’s just say that my days of trying to impress Regina with my winter’s sports skills are over.”

“This was not your first attempt then?” Fiona asked, and Emma was surprised over how easy it was to fall back into conversation with Fiona and how it was not even remotely awkward. She had been slightly worried about it, but when Regina had asked if it was okay that she’d asked Fiona and Katie to come along, she couldn’t say no. She knew what Fiona meant to Regina, and the chance for them to mend their friendship was way more important than any resentment she might still hold for Fiona.

“No, for our first _real_ date, Regina took me ice skating at the lake.” Emma said, and smiled at the memory of ice skating with Regina. She may have been absolutely dreadful, but it had been their first proper date and it had been amazing.

“And you had never ice skated on something that wasn’t a rink?” Fiona guessed, and Emma nodded, “it was a lot harder than I expected it to be.”

“And Regina is so brilliant at everything she does.” Fiona said, “I remember the first time Regina brought me up here, I think we were eight. And she was already a master of _everything_. I felt so stupid.”

“I know the feeling.” Emma said, “I mean I can do cross-country. I can cross-country with the best of them… as long as the terrain is pretty flat. But I cannot do _this._ ” Emma said and gestured to the slopes around them.  “Which explains why I am here alone, Regina tried to help me and she did. But I know she wanted to do the harder slopes, I know she feels the same way about skiing as she does riding, and I wanted her to be able to enjoy today.”

“So you generously bowed out`?” Fiona asked.

“Yeah, at least for a while. I’m meeting her again in an hour.” Emma said, “Regina is nothing if not stubborn. She will make sure that I make it down the kiddie slopes without falling, no matter how embarrassed I am about having to go on the kiddie slopes.”

“Everyone starts at the kiddie slopes, Emma.” Fiona said, “You just started a little later than everyone else here.”

“I feel like that about a lot of things.” Emma admitted, “That I started a little late, I mean.”

“You’re sixteen, Emma.” Fiona said, “And you already know who you are.”

“Honestly, the whole sexuality thing was one of the easier things to figure out.” Emma said, “But that’s just a part of me. I have no idea what I want to do, I have no idea what I will do this fall when you are all gone.”

“No one knows that.” Fiona said, “I am terrified about what will happen when I leave Storybrooke.”

“I don’t know. I have always felt a little lost.” Emma admitted, and she realized how easy it was to talk to Fiona like this. It felt different now when they weren’t dating, it took that entire compliEmmaion of the table. She also felt more secure in her sexuality and her personality than she had done just four months ago. Also the added bonus of not having to pretend that she wasn’t in love with Regina was also helping.

“Of course you have, Emma.” Fiona said understanding, “Because you spent so much time of your life actually lost.”

“I’m really glad you and Katie decided to come this weekend.” Emma said, and looked at Fiona.

“Are you?” Fiona asked, “I had the feeling you were still a little angry with me.”

“I was.” Emma said, “I won’t say that you broke my heart, but you took it for a spin.”

“And I am sorry for that.” Fiona said, “I wouldn’t have gotten involved with you if I thought I would get back together with Katie.”

Emma just gave Fiona a look, “I think we both knew there was a possibility that you would leave me for her. I think we just choose to ignore it. But I don’t regret anything, Fiona. You were a great first girlfriend.”

“Thank you for allowing me to.” Fiona said, and Emma leaned in and hugged her. It was strange to be this close to Fiona again, but not because she missed it. But because all of the romantic feelings that had been starting to build for her before Christmas was gone. She felt nothing but friendship for the girl.

“Look, it all turned out like it was supposed to, right?” Emma said as she exited the hug. “You belong with Katie, Fiona. I think everyone knows that.”

“And you seem happy.” Fiona stated, “And I know I haven’t seen Regina this happy in years. You’re really good for her.”

“I’m happy. I’m so damn happy.” Emma said, “It’s strange really how happy I am. But I can’t take all the credit for Regina’s happiness. That’s all on her. She stopped pretending and I am so happy for her. But this is all on her.”

“It’s on both of you.”

xxx

The two of them had  been enjoying a quiet dinner, just the two of them. The others had stayed at Graham’s and Emma had been thankful for that. This night was just for her and Regina, and it had been wonderful so far.

Regina reached for the little remote on the table and started the music, “Dance with me?”

“I’ll always say yes to dance with you, Regina.”

Regina took Emma’s hand and led her out from behind the table and into the more open living room area. Being this close to Regina still felt wonderful to Emma, and her stomach still had the same butterflies as they had had that night at the Snow Ball. The night everything had changed.

 _So hold me now._  
I'm fallin', I'm fallin'.  
Just lay me down and steal my heart tonight.  
There's fire in your eyes.  
There's magic in your touch.  
It's too early to say,  
But it feels like love.  
So, hold me now,  
I'm fallin', I'm fallin' for you.

“Thank you for this weekend, Emma.” Regina said as they were swaying to the song. They were more clinging to each other than doing any actual dancing, and Emma was glad.

“It’s not over yet.” Emma said and kissed her carefully, “Besides I haven’t done anything.”

“You’re here.” Regina said so matter of factly that if Emma hadn’t known Regina as well as she had come to since that faithful party last fall so wouldn’t have realized just how much that meant to Regina. How much it meant to both of them really. They both came with their own amount of issues, Regina’s mostly about trust and her own about abandonment. They were one of hell of couple.

“There is absolutely nowhere else in the world I would rather be.” Emma said honestly. This weekend had been amazing for her too. To be able to just be free with Regina without having to worry about who may see them or what people may think. They could be just them.

Regina pulled Emma even closer and kissed her again. “Me neither.” And Emma felt her insides be on fire. She loved this girl so much, despite only knowing her for a short amount of time. Maybe they’d only been dating for a few months, and maybe she was only sixteen, but Emma knew this was right. In this very moment, Emma knew that would love Regina for the rest of her life. A few months ago, she had told Regina that in real life people didn’t have epic first loves, but she is beginning to think she was wrong. Because Fiona may have been her first girlfriend, but Regina was the first girl she loved.

 _Fallin' for you fast._  
Somethin' like a dream.  
I want you so bad it's hard to even breathe.

“You know I meant it when I said I love you last night, right? It wasn’t just the booze talking?” Emma said as she looked into Regina’s eyes. She knew Regina was scared about all of this, and so was she. She was bloody terrified, but that was the way it was supposed to be right? Love was scary.

“I know.” Regina said, and for a second Emma thought Regina looked almost sad about it, but the moment was gone before she could really register it.

“Good. I just wanted you to know.” Emma said, and smiled. “I know you’re not there yet. I don’t expect you to be, but I am. And I thought you should know.”

“Thank you.” Regina said, and unlike that moment which Emma had always thought was ridiculous on the O.C, she understood that saying ‘Thank You’ for Regina meant more than if she had said I love you back just to say it because Emma knew Regina wasn’t ready for that, but by saying thank you, it was a sign that Regina was ready to accept that Emma loved her. And tonight that was all Emma needed, because Regina had so many walls and Emma had heard all the stories. Regina didn’t handle love very well, and the fact that she willing to let Emma in meant so much more than she could even begin to explain.

 _Fallin' for you._  
I'm fallin'.  
I'm fallin' for you.  
Oh, oh, oh, oh

The song ended, and Emma looked at Regina with all the love she could manage before kissing her passionately. Hoping that the kiss would tell Regina everything she wanted it too, that she was so grateful that Regina had decided to take a chance on her, that she wanted her so bad, that she was done waiting, that it was time.

The kiss broke and Emma took Regina’s hand and led her towards the bedroom where Regina was staying. “Are you sure?” Regina asked.

“Yes.” Emma said, and kissed her feverishly. This was the moment, Emma knew. It was the only thing she wanted in the world. She wanted to be close to Regina, as close as she could get. She wanted to show Regina how much she loved her, how much she meant to her. She wanted this.

“Okay.” Regina said and the two girls made it into the bedroom. It was a beautiful room, and Emma couldn’t help but notice all the little things that made it clear that this was Regina’s room. She had never been in her bedroom at the Mansion, but she could see Regina’s personality all over the room and she smiled.

“What?” Regina asked.

“Nothing.” Emma said, “This room is just so you.”

“Well, it is mine.” Regina said, and leaned in and kissed her again. Emma felt the nerves in her entire body. She could not believe this is happening. It felt unreal. Regina pulled her close, and Emma felt her breath hitch. She wanted this. She had never wanted anything more.

Regina looked at her, “Damn, you’re so beautiful.”

“You are the one that’s beautiful.” Emma said, “Every part of you is beautiful.”

Regina smiled as her hands went up to the top button of her Emma’s shirt and slowly but surely unbuttoned each one. Before she reached the final button Regina started a gentle sway to add to the sensation. And add it did. Emma could feel the lit fire she had for Regina fueling up more. Her mouth was dry and she licked her lips. She wanted her shirt gone, actually she wanted all of their clothes gone. She wanted Regina. Regina had broken away from the their touch and Emma couldn’t take it, and pulled Regina close again. Needed to kiss her, needed to touch her. She kissed her passionately, and she was suddenly struck with the thought that there was just still too much clothes involved in this whole thing.

“You’re amazing.” She said and reached for her shirt. Emma slowly slid the sweater up and pulled it over Regina’s head.

“You’re gorgeous Regina.”

“I’m broken, Emma.” She said. Emma merely ran her hands down Regina’s back and over her stomach. She caressed the scars on Regina’s skin and Emma felt Regina shudder under her touch.

“I’ve never seen anything more beautiful,” Emma told Regina and dropped to her knees. She kissed her scars softly and one by one, making sure Regina felt comfortable and as well as loved. She wanted Regina to know that the scars didn’t make her broken, it made her strong, Regina moaned and threaded her fingers into blonde locks. Emma stopped, rose from the ground and looked into Regina’s face. “You are strong and you are beautiful.” She said before kissing her softly again.

Emma was fixated on Regina's body.. Emma's eyes followed each and every curve. She leaned over and unclasped Regina’s bra, and threw it away. Emma just hoped she would find it in the morning.  She was beautiful. Emma understood her girlfriends’ worries. But she didn’t need to have them. Regina was the most beautiful human being that Emma had ever laid eyes on. Her scars made her strong, not broken. And Emma wanted Regina to know that. Emma started moving her hands placing them on Regina’s breasts and started to squeeze them lightly. Emma felt herself getting turned on by the action. Just being with Regina like this was incredible. With a slow pace she moved her hands further down Regina’s body until she reached the waistline of her panties.

Regina, never loosing eye contact with her, made Emma’s  heart swell. “Is this okay”?”

“Yes. Please.” Regina moaned, and Emma continued slowly and intently moving one hand ito remove Regina’s panties. Regina buckled, and the panties came off. Emma stopped, and looked at her now naked girlfriend. She was incredible.

Emma felt her Regina’s wetness when her fingers reached the slick wet folds. She gasped at the contact. Regina shivered, and Emma couldn’t help but reacting to her girlfriend’s reaction. Emma felt Regina below her and it was incredible.

Emma carefully moved her fingers alternating between the now puffy lips to the erect nubbin. “Is this good?” Emma asked, and when Regina only moaned in response, Emma figured she was doing something right. Regina closed her eyes when Emma’s fingers reached her clitoris. Running slow circles on it, Emma could feel Regina almost vibrating under her. Emma continued her attention on Regina’s clit until she felt Regina coming apart under her.

A couple of moments later, Regina said, “My turn,” and flipped Emma over. Starting by removing Emma’s shirt and bra. Regina moved her mouth over Emma’s breast. It was a sensation unlike anything Emma had ever felt. Continuing her attention on Emma's breasts, alternating her mouth on each globe. She carefully unbuttoned Emma’s pants and slid them off, her mouth never leaving Emma’s breasts.

Regina stopped, and looked at Emma. “You okay?” she asked. Emma just nodded. She wanted this. She wanted Regina inside of her so badly. Regina started kissing down Emma’s stomach, before stopping and  removing Emma’s panties. Both girls were now completely naked. Emma would have thought she would have felt exposed, but she didn’t. She wanted this.

Regina moved two fingers inside easily, not wasting any more time. She moved them in and out and used her thumb in unison on Emma's clitoris. It was the best feeling Emma had ever experienced. Everything was on fire, and everything seemed brighter and louder. Emma moaned loudly, and even though her eyes were closed she could see Regina smirk.. Emma moved her hand around Regina, holding on. She wanted to be close, as close as possible for this moment. She wanted it so much.  Regina moved her fingers even faster now until Emma felt her world come undone..

Emmas fingernails were digging into Regina's skin holding on for dear life. Emma could only gasp, the intensity of the orgasm made her words stuck in her throat. She was coming with force. She was shaking and whimpering. Regina released her fingers from Emma, folded her hands around Emma in an embrace. Holding on, not letting go.

Regina fell into the embrace, leaning on top of Emma. Regina's hair was falling all over Emma's shoulders, covering them. Feeling the silken mound touching her skin, Emma thought she would come from the mere touch of it.

“Wow. That was incredible.” Emma said as soon as she good her senses back.

“I know.” Regina said, with a  smirk, and there is still so much more to do.

“You’ve already killed me. I don’t see how that is going to be productive to this.”

“Oh, trust me.” Regina said, and Emma could see the wicked in her girlfriend’s eyes. “the night is still young.”

**AN2: I hope their first time was satisfactory, I am still very new to writing smut so please be kind. Next time, the girls return to real life.  Also poor Mulan, she never gets the girl. I am not opposed to this whole Ruby/Dorothy deal but like it was so rushed? And I had just gotten used to Red Warrior/Mulan Rouge.**

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this is so late, I know I promised I would post a chapter the moment I was done with my master thesis, which happened last month. But I got super sick almost right after I had my oral defense, and have been in and out of the hospital for a month. I haven’t really had the mental capacity to be able to write. This is also why this is shorter than I wish it would be, but hopefully we can soon get back into a more dependable schedule again.

“Good Morning.” Emma said, and Regina rose from her slumber. Last night had been everything she ever imagined it to be and she while she would always regret that her first time had been a drunken mess, she was glad she had this experience with Emma. Glad that she was able to give Emma an experience so different from her own.

“Hi,” Regina said, and leaned in and kissed her girlfriend softly. Walking up next to Emma was beautiful, and she wished she could do every morning. Regina knew what this feeling meant, but she wasn’t quite ready for it yet

“Did you sleep well?” Emma asked.

“Better than I ever have.” Regina answered honestly.

“Me too.” Emma said, “No regrets about yesterday, right?”

“No, absolutely none.” Regina said, “It was perfect. You?”

“No. I’m happy. Really happy.” Emma said, and Regina felt a warmth inside her. It was unlike anything she had ever felt. Not like when they kissed or even the same as it had been last night, but something else. Something special. The fact that she made Emma happy made her feel extraordinary. It was everything she dreamed of, everything she never thought she could have.

With Dani, it had been something else. It had been exhilarating, and it had been beautiful in itself. It had made her realize who she was and what she wanted. It had been terrifying, but not in the same way that being with Emma had been. Emma had just taken up a spot in her life, woven her way into the very fabric of her being that no one had ever had before her. And she was pretty sure she would always be there.

“I’m glad.” Emma said and leaned in and kissed Regina again. It felt wonderful, and Regina desperately wished this had been her first experience.

“You hungry?” Regina asked.

“Actually, yes.” Emma said, “I’m usually not hungry in the morning, but I guess I worked up an appetite last night.”

Regina felt her cheek blush, she actually blushed. Regina Mills did not blush. She didn’t even know she was capable of such action.

“Oh my god. Are you blushing?” Emma teased her, “I made the great Regina Mills blush?”

“Stop gloating.” Regina said, “It won’t happen again.”

“Oh, I’m pretty sure it will.” Emma said, “Trust me, I’m going to make it happen again.”

Regina leaned over and kissed her passionately. Emma pulled Regina closer and the feel of Emma’s skin against hers was intoxicating.

“Suddenly, I’m not so hungry anymore. At least not for food.” Emma teased as they broke apart.

Regina smiled as she pulled Emma closer again, kissing her passionately. She moaned loudly when Emma broke the kiss and moved to her neck. .

Regina moaned, she felt happy and content. And Emma was kissing her and everything felt like paradise. Sex with Graham had felt like a chore, this feels like everything is has is on fire. It felt like like gold. 

“Emma,” she moaned..

“Yes?" Emma said, stopped the kissing and looked at Regina. "Is there something you need?"

“For you to keep kissing me. Please don't stop."

"Your wish is my command." Emma said, and leaned in to kiss her again. Emma's hands found their way to Regina's breasts and squeezed them lightly.  It sent shivers through Regina's body. Everything felt wonderful. Emma moved her lips from Regina's mouth and started kissing her down the neck, on her breasts and continued slowly downwards. Stopping just right below Regina's navel.  Regina felt Emma's hands finding their way down her body and Regina was already waiting in anticipation. She didn't know it would feel like this. She had no idea. 

Emma looked up at her, and Regina could feel the love in her girlfriend's eyes. She may not be ready to tell her those words herself, but in this moment. Regina knew she had never been more content or happy. Emma smiled, before moving her head down again and tasting Regina. Regina shivered. She thought yesterday had been good. Now, Emma was more secure in her actions. She was surprised over how Emma had risen to the occation so to speak. 

"That is so good." Regina moaned, and she could swear she could feel Emma smile. Regina couldn't help but think that she would do anything to wake up to this every day.

 

\--

It took them almost another four hours before they eventually made it out of bed, Graham called and left a voicemail telling them to enjoy the day and that the rest of them were on the way home. He had tried knocking but when he didn’t get an answer he had let them be.

Emma was standing in front of the stove, cooking eggs and singing a tune that Regina didn’t recognize and it was the most domestic thing Regina had ever seen. She hadn’t grown up with family breakfasts or anything even remotely like that. Her father had tried, but the he had never cooked for her. That was what cooks were for after all. All meals in the Mills households were stiff affairs, even when her mother was out of town.

Emma turned around, “Hey, are you okay?”

“Why?” Regina asked confused.

“You have this strange look on your face.” Emma said.

“I’m just happy, I guess.  It’s been a while since I felt this content. And you seem so at home there.” Regina said, “I’m not even sure that kitchen has ever been used.” Seeing Emma standing in front of the stove was conjuring images in her head that she was not anywhere close to ready to deal with.

She sees Emma standing in front of a different stove, in a different kitchen, in a much smaller house than she ever pictured herself living in before, but still in this fantasy seems so much more like home than anything else she had ever experience. She saw Emma running around with a little blond girl that looked exactly like her. She saw a picture she had never experienced, a picture she had never even imagined before.

Her time with Dani had been wonderful, it had been a whirlwind and it had been beautiful and fantastic. It had showed her something about herself that she was terrified to accept, and had believed if only for a moment, that happiness could actually be in the cards for her. That the life her mother had planned for, and that her that her mother demanded of her wasn’t the only choice for her. But then Dani had left without a word and her entire faith had been shaken again. The next year had been terrible, and she had been in so much pain. Then the drinking and the cutting had started to happen, and it actually made her feel better. And she knows that is part of the reason why she needed rehab, why she should still go to meetings but she just can’t. She can’t risk anyone finding out what she did that summer in Europe. Her life was filled with secrets about her past, about her sexuality, about her mother.

But with Emma none of that mattered. She knew that Emma can’t fix the things that are wrong with her, and she would never expect her too. But with Emma, those things don’t seem to be impossible to fight. She hasn’t cut all year, and she had barely had drink other than the other night.  She knows that no matter what happens, and whether she ever does it again, she is always going to be a cutter. That is just the way it is. And its one thing that she knows that and her father knows and Emma knows. But the idea that everyone may know?  No, that was just too much for her.

In that moment, Emma smiled at her and everything on Regina’s mind just disappeared. The way Emma was making her feel was unlike anything she had ever experienced, unlike anything she ever dreamed she could feel. And maybe it was stupid for her to feel this much about a single person, or for her to bet her entire happiness on this one person. Maybe she was idiotic to lose herself in someone else so completely, but she was happy. Truly happy for the first time she could remember. So,  she didn’t want to kick a gift-horse in the teeth, so to speech. She just wanted to enjoy this moment. She just wanted to be with Emma.

“I can make some killer eggs.” Emma said, “I am afraid that is as far as my culinary skills reach though.”

“It’s more than I can do.” Regina admitted. Her mother never considered cooking a skill that Regina would need. She would have people to do that for her, a chef or a talented husband. A woman who cooks is something that belongs to a time period long left behind, and a thing that was clearly below a woman of Regina’s standing. Sometimes, Regina wonders if her mother had been a noble woman in a past life.

“Have a discovered something Regina Mills is incapable of doing?” Emma joked, “All of these sides of you I am discovering, a blushing, incapable of cooking her own food Regina Mills.”

“I just never had the need to learn how to cook.” Regina admitted, “I kind of want to though. But so far every time I’ve tried everything just turns into a burned mess. But if you tell anyone this, I will end you.”

“Ooh, I’m so scared.” Emma said, before throwing a piece of cucumber on her girlfriend.

“You should be.” Regina said, and put on her best fight face but it only lasted for about five seconds before she started laughing. She couldn’t even pretend to be mad at Emma. “Also why do you keep throwing things at me? Do you have impulse control issues?” She added after she stopped laughing.

“Actually, yes.” Emma said and shrugged, “One of many things that apparently are wrong with me according to my social worker file.”

“Sorry.” Regina said, “I didn’t mean too...”

“Relax, it was almost a joke.” Emma said, “Another thing apparently I do, make jokes about things that bother me. It’s a coping mechanism, I think. And I am not saying these things to make you feel bad, I’m telling you these things because I want you to know.”

“So, the eggs almost done?” Regina asked in a clear effort to switch the topic. She loved when Emma shared things with her but it made her feel so very vulnerable and sometimes it freaked her out. She wasn’t used to all of these feelings. She wasn’t raised to deal with the way she felt, she was taught to keep it on the inside. To always be perfect on the outside and never ever talk about anything that could be perceived as anything less than perfect.

Even with Graham, she had probably talking about her feelings. And he had never pushed either; he had been next to her for most of her life. He knew how she grew up, he knew her parents and he knew how Regina worked, so he never pushed. But Emma was different, she didn’t push but she didn’t hold back either. Not like Graham who always knew just how much emotion that Regina could handle before freaking out, before pulling away.

Emma never stopped, she never pushed, but she opened up in a way that was unlike anything or anyone else she had ever met or interacted with. Even among her friends when she was a kid, there had always been this order to things. They were rich and powerful, and they were raised according to certain rules. But Emma didn’t fit into that mold, not like Graham or Fiona, or even Katie. Emma didn’t see rules; Emma followed her heart till the bitter end.

It was something refreshing in Regina’s world, a world which were full of people pretending. Including herself, she was pretending to straight, pretending to be perfect, pretending to have it all figured out when that was so far from the truth. It was different when she was with Emma, she didn’t need to pretend at all.

She was still worried that Emma would leave at the sign of the darker sides of Regina that it would someday be too much for her to handle. But Emma made her want to open up and show those sides to her in a way that she had never wanted before.

“Yes. The eggs are done.” Emma said, and Regina was glad that she took the bait. While Emma pushed, she also always knew when to back off. She took the cues that Regina gave and she understood Regina in a way that no one ever had before.

“These better be good after all the talk.” Regina said as Emma put the plate in front of her.

“Oh, shut up and eat your eggs.” Emma said with a smile and sat next to her. It was so terribly domestic that it made Regina’s heart swell.

\--

“Take a left here.” Emma directed as Regina did as she was asked. They drove into a small neighborhood. It looked cozy and welcoming, the houses clearly varying in value but everything still looked like it belonged on a postcard.

“Stop here.” Emma said, and Regina parked the car at the first available spot. Emma moved to exit the car, and Regina followed suit. When the girls had exited the car, Regina noticed a small playground not far from where they had parked the car. Emma motioned towards it. Regina had no idea what they were doing here, but it had seemed important to Emma. And Regina had started to realize there was very little she would not do for Emma.

“Hey, Emma.” Regina said, as they walked into the playground. It was clearly well used, but also well taken care of. It looked loved, and Regina felt a pang in her chest. She was remembering polished floors, and strict rules. She remembered how Cora had yelled at her for getting her dress muddy when she was four, she remembered her father comforting her after a terrible argument with her mother when she was six, she remembered the first time she felt a bruise forming on her forearm because her mother grabbed her too hard. Regina shook the memories, they didn’t matter. She was here now, she looked at Emma, and she remembered how happy she had felt that morning walking up in the blonde’s arms. She remembered how safe she had felt, and how she had known that that was where she belonged. She thought about Emma’s smile, and the way their hands fit together.

“You’re wondering why we’re here right?” Emma said, as she sat down at a picnic table. Her feet on the bench and her body on the table.  Regina followed suit, and sat down next to her. The table was cold, but it was definitively warmer there than it had been in the mountains. Spring was coming, and Regina could almost smell it in the air.

“Kind of.” Regina admitted, “I mean, it’s beautiful here. A little cold maybe.”

“You see that house over there?” Emma asked, and pointed to a two story house a couple of houses down from the park. It was a pretty normal looking house, not one of the more expensive ones as far as Regina could tell.

“Yeah.” Regina confirmed as soon as she had located the house that her girlfriend was pointing to, “What about it?”

“I almost got adopted once,” Emma said, “before the Blanchard’s I mean… By the couple who used to live there, or maybe they still live there. I don’t know.”

“What happened?” Regina asked, knowing that Emma had brought her here to tell the story. Emma didn’t talk much about the time prior to coming to live with the Blanchards. Bits and pieces here and there, just small nuggets of a childhood she never really got to have. Stories about being shipped around, and how hard it was for her to find friends, but never anything deep.

“They were wonderful. I really thought I had found my forever family.” Emma began, and Regina just sat back and listened. She knew that this was something Emma wanted to tell her, but that it might take time, and pushing her was unnecessary.

“I was seven, and I just got out of a really bad foster home. The foster parents were cruel, and clearly only in it for the money. And it wasn’t the first time I had been in a home like that. It had been a long time since I had ever been anywhere good. But it was the worst home I had been at that point. I was wary of going anywhere else. But it wasn’t like I had a choice. But they were so different than any couple I had been with before.” Emma said, and took a deep breath and looked around the playground. Regina could tell that she was thinking back to that time.

“I’d never been with one family for as long as I had been with them, not since I was an infant. And they were wonderful. Stella and Lisa changed how I looked at life, how I looked at family. They’re probably the reason I am not more screwed up than I am.” Emma admitted.

“Stella and Lisa?” Regina asked, surprised that the couple that had wanted to adopt Emma had been a lesbian couple. She wasn’t sure why it surprised her, not really. Or she knew why, she felt it in her bones, every once in a while. She felt the internalized homophobia creep in, and she knew that is part of the reason why she just assumed that the couple was straight. Why she always assumes that people are straight if not explicitly told otherwise, why a part of her still taken back at the idea of same-sex marriage. There is this little voice in the back of her head, which sounds eerily like her mother, that keeps telling her that that it wrong, unnatural somehow. And that people like _that_ should not be able to get married or adopt kids.

“That was their names. They were also partly the reason why I didn’t freak out more about being gay. I was more worried about what everyone else thought really. I never felt as if being gay was something wrong, I was just scared someone else would think that. I was scared dad would think it was _too much_ somehow. I worried about a lot of things, but internal homophobia was never something I struggled with.”

Regina thought about how different her coming out experience had been from her girlfriends. They hadn’t really talked too much about Emma’s experience other than that first night at Granny’s. But to Regina, Emma had always felt at home in her skin. Proud of who she was, and comfortable with it. Of course as she had gotten to know Emma better, she had learned that the other girl had plenty of issues and things to deal with, but her sexuality had never really been one of them. It was part of the reason why Regina had been so scared of Emma in the beginning, so scared to get to close. She had been jealous of how Emma could be so free, she had been jealous of a lot of things. Emma and Regina weren’t too different, but Regina had struggled, still struggled to a certain degree, with internal homophobia. And the fact that Emma never had, made Regina a little jealous. She wishes she felt as comfortable with her sexuality as her girlfriend did. She was getting there, slowly, but there was still so much about her own sexuality that made her feel a little off edge. Like maybe she did something wrong. She didn’t think about it much when she was with Emma, because she felt so happy and safe with Emma that there was no way what she was feeling was wrong. But when she was alone, or around her mother, this sneaking idea found its way into her brain. This idea that there was something _inherently_ wrong with her for being gay.

“So what happened?” Regina asked.

“I had been with them for nearly nine months when they sat me down and asked if I would be interested in getting adopted. I was so happy. I was everything I had ever dreamed about.” Emma said, and then paused. “Then Stella was diagnosed with cancer, and Lisa lost her job. They tried their best, they really did, but their adoption application got denied. The state didn’t feel like they could provide the best care, especially not with Stella’s cancer. It was heartbreaking.”

“I’m so sorry.” Regina said, “I’m not going to say that I’m glad it didn’t happen or else I wouldn’t have met you or anything sappy like that. I’m sorry that you had your family taken away from you.”

“Thank you.” Emma said, “I am forever grateful that my file ended up on Dad’s desk. It probably wouldn’t have if I hadn’t been with Stella and Lisa first. When the adoption got rejected, I started acting out, I ran away from the homes I were put in, I started getting into fights. I had given up on getting adopted. At age eight, I’d given up. I wanted to stay with Stella and Lisa, but I couldn’t. I got mad, I got angry, I got scared. I ran away. Time after time, I ran away. I got labeled as troubled, which is a sure sign you’ll never get adopted anyway.”

“Is that why you still run? Metaphorically, I mean.” Regina asked referring to Emma’s get-away’s at Granny’s.

“Partly. Part of it is a fear of feeling trapped but another is this fear that everything I love will be ripped from beneath me. And that’s why I wanted to show you this; I wanted to tell you that story so you understand a little better. I got adopted, something I never thought would happen, but I will spend the rest of my life worried that everything I love will be taken away from me in an instant. That someone will come and tell me that I don’t deserve it, or that I am not wanted anymore. Those are scars I will always have.”

Regina reached over and took Emma’s hand, kissed her, and said the one thing she swore she would never say to anyone, “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that’s that folks, we’re officially back. I’m not going to guarantee when my next chapter is going to be, things are still a little too uncertain for that right now but I promise that I am not giving up on this story. I have the rest of this story planned out, and the third and final part is starting to take form as well. I know how I’m doing it, and I know how it’s gonna end. So I’m not abandoning this for anything.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it turns out learning Russian is an incredibly taxing experience and takes so much time and effort that I am sorry that I cannot promise regular updates again. I’m generally gone between 11 and 12 hours a day during the week, and while I am going to try to get some writing done on the weekends, and on Wednesday’s but unfortunately Russian has to take priority. And in addition to that, they still don’t know what caused me to be hospitalized this summer. So I’m not giving up on this. I’ve been writing this for over four years and I’m not walking away now. It will be finished.

“So how was it?” Emma was barely in her front door before she heard her best friend. She and Regina had spent quite a long time getting back to the city after their little detour.  She had wanted to enjoy every minute with Regina, and the visit to her past had been emotionally taxing for her. But she wanted Regina to know, she wanted to show Regina the parts of her that she was so scared to show anyone, the parts that no one ever really got to see. Not Ruby, not her sister, if anyone got to see even a little of that part of her it was Archie.

“How was what?” Emma said, still slightly confused from seeing her best friend on her couch and seemingly no one else was home. “Also why are you here?”

“Rude much?” Ruby said.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Emma said, almost defensively. “I just didn’t expect you to be here, seemingly all alone.” But the shock didn’t keep Emma from sitting down next to her best friend on the couch. Actually, Emma was surprised that this was the first time she had come home to find her best friend there before her. In many ways, Emma and Ruby had shared a family and a house for years. The amount of time they had spent at each other’s houses was really something. It was a long time since either girl had asked before helping themselves to something in fridge or the cupboards.

“Chill, Mary Margaret left like five minutes ago with your Dad to get dinner. They should be back in like 15 minutes.” Ruby teased.

“Still didn’t answer my question of why you are here though does it? I mean I saw you yesterday.”

“Exactly. Yesterday. Don’t tell me you and Regina didn’t do the deed last night?”

Emma felt herself blush; she should have known her best friend would want all the details, and that she would have figured it out when they didn’t leave with the rest of them that morning.

“I knew it!” Ruby exclaimed as soon as the noticed the blush on Emma’s face. “So spill.”

Emma didn’t know where to start or what to say. When Ruby had lost her virginity the year before Ruby had been bursting in the seams to talk about it, and Emma had been happy for her best friend. At least in the, she was happy it had been a good experience and Ruby was happy way. But now that it was her turn so to speak she wasn’t sure if this was an experience she wanted to share with best friend. It felt so private and beautiful, and she knew Ruby was curious and she got it.

“It was perfect.” Emma settled on, she was still a little wary about telling Ruby too many details about the night. It was _theirs_ and she kind of wanted it to stay that way.  

“Good.” Ruby said, “If it hadn’t been, or if she had pushed you into something that you weren’t ready for, I would have to hurt her.”

Emma laughed, and was hit by how grateful she was to have a friend like Ruby. Someone who stood by her so fiercely and so whole-heartedly, she loved Ruby so much. She had spent most of her life without people to lean on and to trust, her friends had been those she found in old battered comic books, and forgotten stories. Her friends had been Steve Rogers, Hermione Granger, Lucy Pensive. They had lived in her imagination and they saved her life, but Ruby. Ruby had entered her life with a force unlike anything Emma had ever encountered. She had been vibrant and brave, and she had been the kind of person Emma believed only existed in stories.

“She didn’t push me, Red. She was amazing. I love her, Red.” Emma admitted, and it felt good. It had felt so good when she had told Regina, because she wanted the other girl to know just how much she meant to her. How much everything she had done meant to her.

“I know.” Ruby said and smiled, “Have you told her this though?”

“Yeah.” Emma said, and smiled at the memory. She knew the last three days were days that she would remember for the rest of her life. She would remember the look on her girlfriends face when Emma told her she loved her. She would remember partying with her friends. She would remember how happy Regina was surrounded by her friends. She would even remember falling over a million times trying to ski. It had been an amazing weekend, and the fact that she and Regina had slept together was only a tiny part of that. An amazing part, but a small part none the less.  

“Look, I know you’re still kinda pissed I didn’t tell you about the kiss at Graham’s party.” Emma said, and she could tell her best friend wanted to deny it.  “You are.” Emma added as a way to tell Ruby that it was okay. Emma would have been mad too, if the situations were reversed. Last year seemed so long ago, Emma could barely believe it had been less than six months ago she started dating Fiona, and how everything had changed so fast. Sometimes it felt like Graham and Regina had always been a part of her life, and sometimes when Regina smiles at her in a special way, it feels like only yesterday she was standing in that student council room hoping that she and Regina could move beyond the awkwardness of that kiss and just be _friends._

“Why are you bringing this up now?” Ruby asked.

“Because, I know you want to know everything Ruby. But I’d like to keep last night private. Between me and Regina.” Emma said, there had just been something about last night that had seemed so inherently private to her.

“Look, I was, maybe still am a little, mad about the kiss because you didn’t tell me _at all._ You didn’t tell me that you had kissed the girl whom you’d had a crush on for ages. The first time you kissed a girl in a way that _mattered._ ” Ruby said, and Emma felt her guilt returns to her. She knew she had made the right choice in not telling Ruby about her first kiss with Regina. She had felt like she had betrayed the older girl to much already. She couldn’t believe how different everything was now. Regina was her girlfriend. Regina was _gay._

“I’m sorry.” Emma said, “I shouldn’t have kept it from you, but at the same time…”

“You didn’t want to betray Regina’s trust or whatever.” Ruby said with a smile, “I think I get it. I mean I can’t quite get it, no matter how hard I try. Some things that you and Regina have gone through, probably will go through is just something that I will never be able to _get_. But I’ll always try.”

“I know.” Emma said, and leaned in and hugged her best friend. “You’ve always tried and there are things about you and me that few people will ever understand. We all have our scars, Ruby.

“I know.” Ruby said, and Emma wondered how Ruby’s interrogation about how things went with Regina had led to this incredibly serious and heartwarming conversation. It wasn’t all that unusual for them to. Ruby had this ability to know when Emma needed to talk about something, and would start conversations about completely random topics and before Emma knew it she was telling Ruby about how she hadn’t slept in a couple of night because of nightmares of a particularly bad foster home or how she felt strange about her dad and Ingrid, and how she sometimes wished so desperately for a mom. Ruby had this ability to just _know_ when Emma needed her.

“I’m really glad you’re my best friend, Red.” Emma said.

“Right back at you, Em.” Ruby said, “I wouldn’t trade you for the world.”

****

 Regina took Emma on a brief tour of her giant home, and Emma had to admit she was blown back. Sure, she had been inside once and she had been taken a back at its grandness then. It’s like she knew that Regina was rich, and if the stables and the huge estate hadn’t exactly done anything to replace that image. But damn, the house was something out of Jane Austen novels. It was meant to be in fairytales or an old regency novel; it didn’t belong in tiny Storybrooke. Actually, Emma wondered how Regina’s family even ended up here. She had never asked. Though she had a feeling it was something like Regina’s great-great grandfather founded the town or something. She wouldn’t be surprised if they town grew out around the Mills estate. It really seemed like it had been there forever. Last time she was here she had seen the foyer and part of the sitting room. The rest of the house was insane. ‘

They had a kitchen with separate chambers for the kitchen staff, though Regina told her that no one actually lived there anymore, that the room had only been used by Regina’s nanny when she was younger. But still, the house was bigger than anything that Emma had ever seen. She had thought that Graham’s house was grandiose and Fiona’s was nothing short of spectacular but that the Mills Mansion?  Emma was just in shock. Regina’s house was incredible, but still, there was one place she really wanted to see. Regina’s bedroom. She wanted to see how Regina’s space looked. And after what Emma thought was a good hour, though it was probably closer to fifteen minutes, Regina opened the door to her bedroom.  Emma stepped inside and she was breath taken

“Wow. Your room is incredible. I can't believe it." Emma said, it was painted with white walls but the curtains were dark purple. It looked so much like Regina..

“Thank you. I designed most of it myself." Regina said, and Emma could tell that she was proud of it.

“You have excellent taste." Emma said. "I think so myself." Regina said, and walked over to her girlfriend and kissed her. And I am not just talking about the curtains.

"Woah, you're smooth." Emma teased, "Where did this side of you come from?"

"I don't know." Regina said, "It must be you bringing it out of me."

Emma moved around the bedroom, looking at the pictures of Regina and Graham on the desk. They looked happy. Emma could tell that it had been taken last year, probably early in the year. 

"That was the from the fall auction last year." Regina said, "We hadn't really started dating yet."

"I didn't ask." Emma said, and looked to her girlfriend who had sat down on her bed. 

"I know." Regina said, "I just.. I don't know. He is my best friend."

"I know." Emma said, and moved to sit down next to her girlfriend. "I am not saying that you shouldn't have pictures of him. Actually I didn't say anything." Emma smiled, and leaned into kiss her. "I know it's difficult for you." 

Regina kissed her, slowly, then with more passion. "Thank you for understanding." 

"Always." Emma said, and kissed Regina again. Passionatly.

"Is this okay?" Emma asked, just because they had slept together at the cabin didn't mean that they would continue to sleep together. Emma wanted to. Desperately. But she knew that this was a different world than what they had shared in the cabin. 

"Yes, more please." Regina moaned, and Emma took that as a sign. She kissed her girlfriends fiercly before straddiling her. It was strange to be the one in control. She wanted this so badly.  Emma knew where this was going and she was excited. She paused the kissing to remove Regina's t-shirt and she stopped briefly just to take in the sight of her girlfriend sitting on the bed in only her bra. 

"You are so beautiful." Emma said, and Regina blushed, "Less talking, more kissing."

"As you wish, your magesty." Emma said, and Regina laughed before moving to remove Emma's shirt as well. Emma couldn't believe she was about to have sex in Regina's bedroom. It was like a wish come true. But the moans of her girlfriend brought her back. Regina kissed her intensely, and Emma felt a shiver go through her body. She was so very happy. 

 

****

For the second time in less than a week, Emma found herself coming home to someone standing in her living room that did not live there seemingly being there by themselves. While it was strange to admit, the presence of Ingrid without her father or her sister actually seemed more normal than when she had found Ruby alone in her living room. Yet, it was strange. Actually, it was strange having Ingrid around just by herself. Emma wasn’t used to someone else in their space, but since her father had brought Ingrid home, the older woman had spent more and more time in the Blanchard household.

Emma figured it was even stranger for her sister though. Emma had never really had a mom, though she had come very close to having two. Her heart still ached when she thought about Stella and Lisa, but she was so very happy where she was. She found a _home_. She found family. And Ingrid clearly made her dad very happy, and that was all that Emma wanted.

“Hi,” Emma said, trying to sound casual. She wasn’t entirely sure she was successful. It was still strange to have this fourth person in their house, in their family. She liked Ingrid, she really did, and she did fit in with their family. Some nights, when they were all having dinner and Ingrid had helped her dad cook, it felt like she had always been there. Emma felt like maybe she was the piece that the family had been missing. A piece they hadn’t realized was missing before Ingrid walked through the door.

“Hi,” Ingrid said, almost as tentative as Emma had been. “I thought you were with Regina.”

“I was.” Emma said and smiled. Regina had taken her out on a proper date, she had driven all the way to Augusta right after school to take her to this super fancy restaurant. And unlike their dates in Storybrooke where Regina was open but always a little vary of the people around her, and who might see them. Regina in Augusta was an experience. It had been similar to how she had felt in Wachusett. She was freer, less worried about who might see them. “Actually, she took me to Cloud Nine.”

“In Augusta?” Ingrid asked, and Emma could tell she was impressed. “And you’re already home? It’s only nine.”

“I know, but Regina has a debate tournament tomorrow and they have to leave at like the break of dawn.” Emma had offered to go and cheer her on, but Regina had reminded her that she had a calculus test on Monday, and even if Emma’s grade’s had increased significantly since she had started studying with Regina she couldn’t afford to take a whole day off to go and see Regina do debate in bloody Sudbury. She had promised Emma she would come over on Sunday and help her study.

“Sounds terrible.” Ingrid said, almost smiling.

“It is!” Emma exclaimed, “And I have a test on Monday, so I can’t go with her.” Emma almost pouted. It’s not like she exactly wanted to get up at the crack of dawn but she had gotten used to spending her weekends with Regina. She wondered how it would be when the weather got back to normal and soccer and track started up again. She had made a promise to Ruby a long time ago that she would attend all of Ruby’s track meets and she had somehow become Ruby’s good luck charm. The one time Emma had missed her meet because she had gotten the flu, Ruby had fallen and sprained her ankle so badly she could barely walk on it. So after that, Emma had made every effort to be there for her best friends.

“I’m sure you’ll survive a day without your girlfriend.” Ingrid teased, and Emma realized that talking with Ingrid like this felt so normal and natural that she hadn’t even asked Ingrid where her father was. She knew MM was out with Graham, and she would probably not come home that night at all. Their father had become more lenient towards Mary Margaret, and staying over at Graham’s the past couple of weeks. Their father really liked Graham, and Emma was pretty sure it was connected to how nice Graham had been to Emma. And the whole debacle of the Snow Ball.

“I’m not so sure actually.” Emma said. “I think I have developed a little bit of a codependency.”

“It’s natural. You’re young and in love.” Ingrid smiled.

“Speaking of love, where is dad?” Emma said, and she could swear that Ingrid blushed at the mentioned of love. Emma thought it was cute. It was clear that her dad was crazy about Ingrid. It’s clear because of the way that Leo had gone out of his way to include Ingrid in their family activities. It’s obvious just from the fact that he introduced Ingrid to them at all. She was the first woman that Leo had ever brought home to meet the girls.

“He’s…” Ingrid faltered, and Emma thought it was adorable. She could tell that Ingrid was as smitten with Leo, as he was with her. “He got called in to work. One of his kids could in some trouble. He should be back soon.”

“Oh.” Emma said, she always felt a little strange when her dad was called in on those situations. She couldn’t help thinking that it could have been her, that it probably would have been her if she didn’t get adopted. She was already on the way there. Actually, she wouldn’t have ended up in Leo’s pile if she wasn’t on that track. Leo had a reputation for taking on lost causes.

“Is there something wrong?” Ingrid asked, obviously noticing the tone of Emma’s voice.

“No. It’s just…” Emma said, “I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder how I would have turned out if I hadn’t been adopted.”

“You would be you.” Ingrid said.

“You don’t know that.” Emma said, “I was on the wrong path. I mean, I was ten and I was already on the wrong path. I used to be so angry.”  Emma admitted. Sometimes, Emma was scared of the girl she used to be. She was so angry and so distrustful and she _alone_. It had taken her so long before she could accept Leo and Mary Margaret as something that wouldn’t disappear. She still has moments where she has to convince herself that her life is real.

She can’t help wondering how she would have turned out if she wasn’t adopted, if her heart would have continued to be broken over and over again. She wondered she would even know how to trust. It has been six years since she got to Storybrooke for the first time and she still had a problem trusting other people and her own feelings.

“I lost my parents very young.” Ingrid said, “I was raised by older sister.”

“I’m sorry.” Emma said, and she truly was.

“The thing is, that losing your parents that young shapes who you are. Even if you don’t know your parents, the loss is what defines you. I was angry too for so long. My sister, Sonja, was kind and she was patient but she was barely out of teenage hood herself. She never expected to be raising me. You’re strong, Emma. You have to be to survive a childhood like yours. You’re you because of the experiences of your past, but you’re _you._ ”

“I don’t know who I am most of the time though.” Emma admitted, “This last year has been strange.”

“You’re sixteen. You’re supposed to figure out who you are. God, you’re already so much farther along than I was at your age. I was still so confused about everything.” Ingrid admitted.

“It doesn’t feel like that sometimes. Sometimes I just feel lost.” Emma admitted. “I know that  coming out is a big deal, but in many ways it is the one thing over the past year that has made completely sense to me. Like that piece just fell into place and everything around it suddenly fit.”

“I get that.” Ingrid said, and smiled. “Though I didn’t realize I was bisexual until I was in my early twenties. Then again, that’s a long time ago. It took me even longer before I came out to someone.”

“You’re bi?” Emma asked, not really shocked by the news. If last year had taught her anything, it was that while this world was still extremely hetronormative, she didn’t have to be, and just because girl is dating a guy or has never dated a girl doesn’t mean she should just assume they were straight. She was surprised though. She didn’t really know why. It’s not like her gaydar was anything she was particularly proud of.

“Yeah.” Ingrid said, “But it took me a long time to be comfortable with it. I’m not saying that my experience was your experience, or just because you know who you are at sixteen in regards to which gender you’re attracted to means that you have everything figured out. You’re sixteen. This time should be used to figure out how you feel about people, about yourself.”

“I didn’t think you were.” Emma said, “Projecting your feelings on to me, I mean. Actually, it was nice to hear. It’s nice to hear from someone older.  I haven’t really talked to anyone other than my friends about all of this. Well, my therapist but I’m not quite sure he counts.” Emma said and smiled. She loved Archie and he was a wonderful therapist, but there was just some things, some experiences that he didn’t quite understand.

 “Good.” Ingrid said, “I’m not your parent. I’m just dating your dad. I don’t want to intrude in your life.”

“You’re more than dating him though,” Emma said, “I don’t mean to scare _you_ but no one has ever stuck around as long as you have. We’ve never even met any other women. He expects you to stay.”

“I’m glad,” Ingrid said, and smiled. “I really like your dad. And I really like you and your sister too. It’s been a long time since I had felt this a part of family like that. Sonja left the US a long time ago, and even if I am forever grateful to her for what she did to her we’re not as close as I wish. I think she slightly blames me for taking away her chance at being young.”

“We’re really happy to have you.” Emma said, “I know it has been strange at times. And I know it’s still a little strange for Mary Margaret. But I don’t have a mom. Mary Margaret does. Eva might be gone, but she will always be her mom. I never had that. I’m not saying that I expect you to be my mom. But you fit.”

“I’m not trying to take anyone’s place. Least of all, Eva’s.” Ingrid said, “I know that you can’t replace people in that way. You’ll always be missing them. But I feel happy with your dad and your family, and I am clearly oversharing.” Ingrid laughed.

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” Emma said, “But I’m glad you’re happy.” Emma really was, she had gotten used to having Ingrid around, she liked having Ingrid around, and she kind of wanted her to stay forever. She wouldn’t say that to Ingrid or her dad, it was too much pressure to put on their relationship and Emma didn’t want to do something that would jeopardize that. But yeah, she would really like if Ingrid wouldn’t go anywhere. And who knew, maybe one day, Ingrid would be family as well.

Emma and Ingrid turned at the sound of the door opening, and Leo stepped in the door. He held up to bags of Chinese food and three tubs of ice cream.

“Hi, sweetie. You’re home already? Your curfew isn’t until 11.” Leo said when he saw his youngest daughter.

“Regina had a debate meet tomorrow morning.” Emma explained.

“Ah, I see.” Leo said, and walked over and kissed his daughter’s head. “I hope you behaved while I was gone.”

“Me?” Emma said, “Or your _giiiirlfriend_.” She teased.

“You don’t get to these me about my girlfriend.” Leo said, but smiled to both Emma and Ingrid, “Not with the way you’re attached to yours.”

“He got a point there, Emma.” Ingrid said.

“I take back everything I said,” Emma said, “I don’t like you ganging up on me.”

“Everything you said?” Leo inquired.

“Emma and I had a little girl talk while you were gone.” Ingrid said, “Nothing you need to worry your big man-brain about.”

Emma laughed, and yes. This is something she could get used to. This is something she _wants_ to get used to and she only hopes she’ll get the chance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaay, this is featuring bisexual!Ingrid because have girl kissing Elizabeth Mitchell is my favorite things in the whole world. Also good news, next chapter is almost done so the wait shouldn’t be that long. But I am thinking about holding it back a little so the wait between chapter 17 and 18 won’t be as long.


	17. NOTE ABOUT CHAPTER 17

**NOTE ABOUT CHAPTER 17**

Chapter 17 was plagiarized. There is no way else to say it. And I did it full well knowing it was stupid, mean and had fanfiction had the same laws has publishing, illegal. I have no excuses for why I did other than I am felt lazy and pressured to get a new chapter out. This is not an excuse. Nothing could excuse this. I have written a an apology to the author K_AudreyKLeto (or am in the process of doing so while writing this note) and her amazing fic “Somewhere in between” in which I plagiarized from. If nobody continues to read this fic, I understand. A new chapter 17 will be up sometime during today or tomorrow, in which the story will not change, but the words hare mine.

Again, I highly apologize to everyone. I was in the wrong. There’s no other sides to this story.


	18. (new) chapter 17

Regina was happy. She was truly happy. She probably hadn’t felt this way in years, if even ever. Yes, she was still worried about Cora. She was pretty sure she would spend the rest of her life worrying about Cora, but her birthday weekend had been great and all of the days since then had felt like walking on clouds.

  
If she had been more aware of her surroundings when entering the house, and not thinking about the date she had with Emma that weekend she would probably have noticed her mother’s luggage standing in the foyer. She didn’t hear the unusual noise of someone walking around the living room. Her brain simply translating the noises to that of the housekeeper, even though the housekeeper was off. All of this were things Regina would have looked upon as warning signs had she not been so damn happy.

  
“Regina darling, is that you?” Regina’s blood froze in her veins. Her mother was home. Her mother was home a week before her schedule. Something was terribly wrong, and Regina knew it wasn’t her dad. She had talked to him less than twenty minutes ago, and if anything had happened since then, it would have been too short of a time for Cora to know and to fly back. All of Regina’s warning signs went off. This was about her. It had to be. Regina braced herself and walked into the living room where her mother’s voice had come from.

  
“Hello, Mother. I didn’t expect you home yet.” Regina said her voice much calmer than what she felt. She was raised for this. She knew how to do this.

“Ah, yes. An urgent matter has arisen.” Cora said, and the way she looked at Regina wiped all the hope she had away from her. Her mother knew. Regina couldn’t be sure of what her mother knew, but her mother knew something.

“Oh.” Regina said, her voice now almost quivering instead. She knew she shouldn’t have been so stupid to allow herself this kind of happiness. Plenty people are out at school, but not at home she had thought. Plenty people can live like that. It’s normal. Well, she had forgotten one very crucial detail. Plenty of people did not have Cora Mills as a mother.

“Yes. Sit down dear.” Cora said, and gestured to the sofa on the opposite of where she was standing. Regina moved and was in the sofa before her brain had even really recognized the request.

“Imagine my surprise when I found out that not only are you hanging out with that disgraceful Moreno girl again, but that that white trash you call your best friend seem to also be a degenerate.” Cora said.

Every bone in Regina’s body told her to fight back, to defend her girlfriend. But she couldn’t get her mouth to open. She was terrified. Her shoulder still ached when it rained. She knew what the consequences would be if she said the wrong thing to her mother right now. She wanted to tell her that Emma was the sweetest girl she had ever met. That her background made her kind and it made her smart. She wanted to tell her that turning her back on Fiona had caused her to break, that pretending to be straight and dating Graham had almost killed her. She wanted to stand up and fight. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Regina wasn’t even sure she knew the difference anymore. It didn’t matter, the outcome was the same. Cora would win. Cora always won. It had been stupid to think that she could one-up her mother. It was stupid to believe even for one second that she had any control at all about her own life. Before Emma, she had let go of the idea that anything in her life was by her own design. She rode horses because that is what well-mannered girls do, she didn’t play soccer or run field like Fiona had because it was unseemly. She took Latin, even though she hated it and saw no actual practical use for it, because it was prestigious. She accepted her offer to Penn U because it was her mom’s alma matter. She was going to be a lawyer because that was what her mother had decided.

Her whole life was planned, and it had always been. Why did Regina believe that she could defer from that path? Maybe her mother wouldn’t force her to get married; maybe her mother wouldn’t force her to have kids. Maybe she would be allowed to have some sort of freedom over her choices after she takes the Bar but even that seemed like a slim hope. Regina had known this since she was eight, yet she had been stupid enough to think that her mother would allow her to Emma. Emma who was the single best thing that had ever happened to her. Emma that made the world seem bright and happy. Emma.

“Mother, I…” Regina tried, but the words just couldn’t find their way out. She didn’t even know what the words she was trying to say were.

“Quiet.” Cora said, “I don’t want to hear anything from you. There is only one path forward. Unfortunately, it is too late to think about boarding school. There is only a few months left of your stay at Storybrooke High. And while you have enough credits to graduate early, your position on the student council makes that hard.”  
Regina felt her palms sweating. Boarding school? Graduating early? As stupid as it sounds, that school was her safe place. People respected her there. Even if she had to walk away from all her friends, the idea that she would have to leave school terrified her. The school was her domain. She felt safe and she felt strong and powerful there, it was the completely opposite of being home.

“The only choice we have is that you stop seeing that girl, immediately. You will stop hanging out with her and her sister. It seems like you can’t stop hanging around that Moreno girl, but there is little I can do about that. At least she comes from a good family. I always thought that Eva married down when she married that social worker. She could have done so much better, and now, well. You see what kind of riff raff that family includes. She was a disgrace to the White name.”

“Stop.” Regina said, the words out of her month before she could even think.

“Excuse me.” Cora said, and moved closer to where Regina was sitting.

“Mother. Mrs. Blanchard died of cancer, her daughter lost her mother and her husband lost his wife. Have some respect.” Regina felt the hand slap across her face long before her mother even made the motion.

“You do not talk back to your mother.” Cora said, and where she had previously been poised and clear about Regina and her actions there was now clear anger in her voice. Regina had done the one thing she knew to never do. Well, if she had already cast the first stone.

“And no, I will not just walk away from my friendship with Emma.” Regina said, making sure that her emphasis was on the word friendship, she might have found some previously unknown courage, but she didn’t have a death wish. Not at the moment anyway. “Emma is a kind, loving person who despite everything she had been through still have the capabilities of seeing the best in people. What her sexuality may or may not be does not affect that.”

“I DO NOT CARE.” Cora raised her voice, and Regina wished that not the entire household staff had the day off. It was only the two of them here. Regina knew she had already gone to far, that whatever she said next wouldn’t matter. Her mother had made up her mind, and Regina knew it was going to hurt before it was over.

“Well, I do.” Regina said, figuring that at this point, whatever happened was already set in stone. She never stood up to her mother like this. She had barely fought for Fiona. She had tried, but she had been just a kid. And she had been terrified. All the things that terrified Regina back then, she had accepted now. Part of the reason why she had walked away from Fiona so easily was because it had made it easier to ignore that she and Fiona had so much in common. Most specifically that they liked girls. Regina hadn’t been ready to deal with that back then, but she didn’t hate herself anymore. Emma had made sure of that. Fiona, and Graham, and Peter and Ruby had made sure of that. There was no shame in it for her anymore.

She wasn’t ready to out herself to her mother or anything, this conversation made that clear. The way her mother was reacting simply to finding out that Regina was spending time with “degenerates” made Regina realize that any ideas she had about living her life out would have to happen somewhere far far away from Cora’s sight and influence.

“What you want does not matter, Regina. We all have all had to make sacrifices for this family.” Cora said, and Regina wanted to laugh but thankfully had enough self-control not to. Her mother had not sacrificed a single thing for this family. Every single thing her mother did was for her own interest, for her own good. Regina hadn’t seen her brother in nearly a decade because of her mother’s “Sacrifices”. Cora only did what was right for Cora.

“It’s 2013, Mother. I’m sorry. But no one cares whether or not I am friends with people of different sexualities.” Regina said, her old debate training suddenly kicking in. “I am not bringing shame upon the family name by hanging out Fiona.” Regina again, kept enforcing the idea that her friendship with Emma was just a friendship, and also never confirming Emma’s sexuality. Whatever her mother may have heard, it wasn’t confirmation, and Regina refused to give her mother that. Emma’s personal life was none of Cora’s concern.

“I am not talking about Moreno.” Cora said, her voice shifting from anger to a cold calculating tone. “Clearly, I cannot keep you from her. God knows why. But her family had money and power in this town, not as much as I do. But enough. Ms. Swan on the other hand...”

“Swan-Blanchard.” Regina corrected her before even thinking. She knew it was a mistake the moment she said it.

“Ms. Swan-Blanchard,” Her mother almost spit out in disgust, “has little to none of the benefits and opportunities that Ms. Moreno do. And quite frankly, that is a battle I am more willing to take on. Being friends with Moreno is good for your image, it makes you seem inclusive, as you pointed out it is 2013.” Cora added with a frankness that sent shivers down Regina’s spine.

“She has a high enough standing that her friendship could be benefited for you. Especially if the Humbert boy is actually becoming a police officer as you told us over Christmas.” Cora continued, “I will no longer keep you from seeing her. However, you will stop seeing the Blanchard girls. I know I cannot keep you from Humbert, and I have no intentions of doing that at this point. For now, he is still valuable.”

Regina could not believe that her mother was taking about her friends in terms of value ability, and what those relationships could do for this family, until it hit her. Her mother did not have friends, her mother had business acquaintances, she had fellow lawyer she went to school with, but she did not have friends. Her mother looked upon every relationship as a business. Of course she would consider, Regina’s relationships the same. She had probably planned to marry her off to Graham before it became clear that Graham had little to no interest in following in his father’s footsteps. ¨

“And I have no interest in throwing away my friendships because they are not networkable.” Regina said, though her voice had lost most of her fight. She was pretty sure she had already lost. Actually, she knew she had lost ages ago. This little fight was just to prove to her mother that Regina wasn’t the same girl she had been years earlier. She was stronger, she has more fight in her, and she wouldn’t just let her mother dictate her friendships.

“Oh, dear.” Cora said, “You have no choice. Did you know that Evangeline sits on the board of Thomas College, it would be a shame of Ms. Blanchard’s scholarship and full ride was taking away from her wouldn’t it?”

Regina froze. She couldn’t risk Mary Margaret’s future over this. She knew Mary Margaret had officially accepted their offer and turned down all the others. She couldn’t gamble with her future. She could barely gamble with her own.

“Or what if I call the Governor and ask him to revoke Mr. Blanchard’s license or maybe look into the adoption. What if there was a crucial document missing?” Cora’s tone was cold and calculating.

“You can’t. You won’t.” Regina almost stammered out, horrified at the thought of how far her mother would go to keep her from Emma.

“Oh dear, you have no idea what I am capable of.” Cora said, “I will. And you know it will happen. The Governor owes me.”

Her mother’s relationship with the Governor had always been something mystical in the Mills Household, it was complicated for sure. Regina knew that. It had been a looming presence for Regina’s entire life, and she had no doubts that her mother would use that relationship if she needed to. Regina had lost. There was absolutely no way out of this situation. She was defeated, and Regina knew that Cora could tell the fight was over. Not that there had ever really been a fight to begin with, the outcome was always going to be this, Regina just hadn’t wanted to believe it, or wanted to believe that her mother would go that far to achieve her goals. She should have known better.

“So, dear. Tomorrow, you will tell that little piece of white trash that you can no longer be friends. I do not want to hear about her ever again. And trust me; I will know if you do not keep your word. Oh, and if you breathe a word of anything that went on today to anyone, the same threats apply. You will end that relationship, and the girl shall believe that it was your choice. I cannot have this reflect badly back on me or this family.”

“Yes, mother.” Regina said, defeated. She had no idea how she was going to break up with Emma. But there was no other choice, she knew that now. It was over.

xxx

Regina had spent the entire day in agony. She had avoided Emma at every cost. She knew she needed to break up with her, but she didn’t know how. She knew that Emma was in love with her and she knew that this was going to destroy her. It was already destroying Regina. She couldn’t believe that her mom was making her do this. Actually she could. What she couldn’t believe was that she had been stupid enough to think that she could get away with this. That she could actually be happy. She clearly didn’t deserve it. She only brought darkness and despair to everyone around her.

Regina was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of the door opening, and she looked up and saw Emma. She should have realized that hiding in the student council room was probably a bad idea, and that it would be the first place Emma would go looking for her after she had avoided her for the whole day.

“Why have you been avoiding me today?” Emma asked, and Regina had to admit that she admired her girlfriend’s no bars held back attitude. Emma wasn’t the one to muck around the bushes.

“Because…” Regina said, trying to find the words. “I think we should break up.”

“What?” Emma said, her voice breaking. “But but..why?”

Regina had no idea what lie to tell her, she wanted to tell her the truth so desperately but her mother had warned her against it. And Regina could feel the bruises that were building on her back after the beating her mother had given her after she was done threating her. She knew there was only one way out of this, and that was to lie. It was to break Emma’s heart and to lie.

“This just isn’t working.” Regina said, and she knew it was a flimsy excuse. “I mean, what is the point of it really? I’m going away to UPenn in a couple of months and you’re staying here.”

“The point of it?!” Emma said, “I love you, Regina. That’s the point of this. I have no idea where this is coming from. We’re happy. You’re happy. You’re happier than you’ve ever been, everyone says so. That’s the point of this.”

“I can’t, Emma.” Regina said, trying to make Emma understand that this was it. They had to break up. “I’m no good for you.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it.” Emma said, “I get you’re scared. This is scary. And it’s real, and I won’t just let you come in here and tell me this is over.”

“Emma…” Regina began, she had no idea this would be this hard. It wasn’t like she had expected Emma to just take the break up and leave. But she had underestimated just how stubborn her girlfriend was.

“No. I run, Regina. When things get scary and hard, I run. I get that. I get you. So you don’t get to make this decision for me. For us. You don’t get to just wake up one day and decide that we are through. We haven’t even been fighting. Ever. We’re still in that sickly honeymoon stage.”

“This is over, Emma.” Regina tried again; this was so much harder than it had been with Fiona. Fiona had given up easily, much easier than Regina had expected her to. God, how much she wished she didn’t have to do this. How much she wished that she could just take Emma in her arms and walk away. Away from all of this. Just disappear. But she couldn’t. Because she is Cora Mills’ daughter, and there was nothing she could do. She had no money, no savings, no future if walked away now. Which maybe she could survive, she didn’t quite know how, but she knew she would find a way. But her mother hadn’t threatened her future, she had threatened the very foundation of Emma’s life. And Regina had to doubt that she would go through with this.

“No. Something else is going on here, and if you don’t want to tell me. Fine. But you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to do this to me. I’m not Fiona.” Emma said, “Do you think I’m stupid? Do you think I don’t understand what is going on here?”  
Emma moved and sat down next to Regina, “If you tell me right now, in a way that makes me believe it, that this is entirely your idea, I will walk out of here and you will never have to see me again. But I know you can’t.”

“I don’t want to see you again.” Regina said. But she knew her words were empty, and she knew that Emma could tell that her words were empty.

“Well, I don’t believe you.” Emma said, “But whatever this is. I’ll give you time. I love you. I love you so much.” Emma reached over and grabbed Regina’s hand.

“You have to leave, Emma.” Regina said, this time with more force behind her back. “I’m no good. You deserve better than this. No matter what the reasons are, please.”

“You can yell, and you can throw and you can call me a dyke. You can tell me that we have no future, that you have a destiny greater than this town, and I am just a low life. You can’t tell me anything I haven’t heard before. You see, Regina. I told you, that day at the Diner when you told me about your past, that nothing could ever make me turn away from you and I meant it.” Emma said, Regina could tell that her girlfriend was hurting but not backing down. Regina hadn’t expected her to fight back like this. No one had ever fought for her like this. No one had ever stood by her like this.

“If you need space, for whatever reason, to deal with whatever it is that scared you shitless. I will give you that. But don’t bullshit me about the reason, don’t say come here and tell me there is no point in our relationship.” Emma said, “Because this thing.” Emma gestured between them, “Is one of the greatest things that have ever happened to me.”

“Emma, stop.” Regina said, “I can’t hear this. I can’t hear any of this. We need to stop this.” Regina said, “I thought I could do this. I really did but I can’t.”

“You can’t pretend to be someone you’re not Regina. It nearly killed you. I won’t let that happen again.” Emma said, fiercely and protectively.

“The thing is,” Regina said, and moved carefully away from Emma, “it’s not up to you anymore. We’re over.”

“Just like that? Yesterday we were happy as a freaking my little pony and today it’s over just like that?!” Emma said, and Regina could hear the anger in her voice. Could hear that Emma was sick of being patient with Regina. That Regina just wouldn’t tell her what was really going on. It was clear that Emma didn’t believe a word that came out of Regina’s mouth, and Regina really didn’t know how to make her believe.

“Yesterday was a lie, all of it was a lie I told myself. That isn’t my life. That can’t be my life. I’m Regina Mills.” Regina said, the closest thing to the truth she had said all day. What she had with Emma was beautiful and pure, and Regina was nothing like that. She didn’t deserve that. She was dark, and twisted, and broken, and Emma didn’t deserve that. Emma deserved so much better than that. She deserved someone with less baggage, with less worries, with less crazy parents. Emma deserved the best of everything.

“Your life is your life.” Emma tried to say, but Regina knew that was a lie. Her life had never been her own. She had never had any control over any of it, and she was starting to believe that she never would.

“I only bring darkness, Emma. You deserve the light. You deserve the light more than anyone I have ever met.”

“Don’t you get it?” Emma said, and removed the space that Regina had put between them. “It doesn’t matter what you think I deserve, the only thing I want is you.” Emma leaned in and kissed her and Regina let her, for a second or two before she pushed her away.

“Well, I don’t want you.” Regina said.

“Well, we both know that’s not true.” Emma said, “I remember you moaning it just a few days ago.” Her tone was snappy and filled with something Regina wondered if was disgust. Emma was clearly on her last breath with her. Good, maybe she would finally give up. She wanted Emma to make this easy for her; she wanted Emma to walk away. She needed Emma to do it for her. Everyone always thought the great Regina Mills was so strong, but she wasn’t. She wasn’t strong at all. All she wanted to do was break down in Emma’s arms and confess everything. She wanted Emma to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright. That Cora couldn’t hurt them. No one person held that kind of power. And Cora was just a woman. But Regina knew that she could have none of those things. And she knew that her mother was more than just a woman. You don’t get the kind of position her mother had by being nice and baking cookies.

“I need you to leave. And I need you to stay away for a while.” Regina managed to say after a while; all of the fight was gone from her. She just hoped that Emma would understand, that Emma did understand.

“Okay.” Emma said, “I will. This is important to you for some reason.” She stood up, kissed Regina’s forehead gently and said, “I don’t know what is happening, or why you felt the need to break my heart over it. But fine. I’ll leave, but I’ll wait for you to come to your senses.” She walked out the door, and Regina could no longer control her tears. She cried in a way that she hadn’t cried in a while, loud long bursts of tears. But like a good Mills, she pulled herself together after a minute or two. She might not be strong, but she could sure as hell play the part.

She was just starting to get ready to pack up her stuff when she heard someone knock on the door. The sound confused Regina. Mostly because if there was one group of people who were not very good at knocking before entering, it was high school students, but also because school was over and nobody who generally hang out in there with her ever knocked. Not that she particularly wanted to see any of her friends. Because they are Emma’s friends too now. Their lives had intertwined so fast and intricately that Regina wasn’t sure how she would manage the rest of the school year without her.

“Come in.” She managed to say, hoping that her face didn’t betray her and her feelings completely.

“What happened?” She looked up and saw Fiona standing there, her soccer uniform still on. Why Fiona played soccer was beyond Regina’s understanding, as was the idea that anyone played Soccer in March to begin with. There was still snow on the ground.

“Why do you think something happened?” Regina asked, trying to keep her composure.

“Oh, I don’t know.” Fiona said, “Maybe because as I was leaving practice Emma was beating up trashcans as if she was a regular Paige McCullers.”

“Oh.” Regina said, well at least Emma wasn’t taking her anger out on someone else. The trashcans would survive. Regina was more worried about Emma’s mental state. She hoped Mary Margaret would take her home and calm her down.

“Yes, oh.” Fiona said, “So what happened?”

“I broke up with her,” Regina said, “Or I think I did. She didn’t exactly accept it.”

“No shit.” Fiona said, “You were happy. What happened?”

“Cora.” Regina said before thinking. After spending so much time keeping Emma from finding out she had blurted out that Cora was the person behind the whole thing within minutes of seeing Fiona. Way to go.

“What did that bitch do now?” Fiona asked, “You can tell me. You know I won’t tell anyone else.”

“I know. It’s just. No, I can’t.” Regina said, the fear setting in again. This was people’s life on the line. Her stupid feelings didn’t matter.

“Come, sit.” Fiona said, and led Regina by the hand over on the sofa. “Look you mother is crazy. I know that. You know that. Emma knows that.”

“Let’s just say that she made some promises about some stuff if I didn’t end my friendship with Emma.” Regina said, “Good news though, you are apparently deemed good enough again. Your money and status outweigh your sexuality.”

“Regina…” Fiona started, “I shouldn’t have walked away as easy as I did back then. But you really hurt me. I should have understood that those thoughts weren’t yours.”

“It doesn’t matter now.” Regina said, “Nothing matters now. I just need to finish this year so I can go to college.”

“And live in the closet again in fear of your mother refusing to pay your tuition?” Fiona asked, “I don’t know what she told you, I don’t know what has you this scared, and I’m not going to make you tell me. But she is just one woman, Regina. And you’re legally an adult.”

“You know it’s not that easy.” Regina said, “You don’t know how it is with her. Living with her, being her daughter. Nothing I want matters. And Emma? God, no. I will not put her through this. It’s better for everyone this way anyway.” Regina said so convincingly she almost believed it herself. Almost.

“There is big difference between easier and better, Regina.” Fiona said, “I know. Look, I’ve been so proud of everything you’ve done this year but I know better than to force you out to your mother. Or to anyone really. Maybe you jumped in too fast and too deep with Emma. Maybe you weren’t ready for any of it. But then tell her that. Tell her the truth whatever it may be.”

“Everything is complicated, and the only think I know is that Emma is better off away from me. And that’s how it’s going to stay. It may not have been my choice, but right now, it’s the only choice.” Regina said, and she felt her tears threatening to come to the surface again. “I hate hurting her. But I rather her hurt now, than whatever my mother would do in the future.”

“Regina.” Fiona began, but Regina interrupted her, “I won’t tell you. But trust me, my mother is a woman of her word and this is the best for everyone. It hurts every part of me. But she deserves the chance of something better.”

“So do you, Regina.” Fiona said.

“Maybe. But that doesn’t mean I will get it.”

xxxx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Here we are again. I refer to the previous chapter note, and again I apologize for all the hurt this caused, and how stupid it was. The original author, K_AudreyKLeto, deserves better and so do you. AN: This is a new version of a previously posted chapter. PLEASE READ THE CHAPTER TITLED “A NOTE ABOUT CHAPTER 17.”


	19. Chapter 18

Emma was angry. And sad. And also confused.  She knew Regina was lying to her. She knew that Regina was probably as heartbroken as she was, but somehow knowing that didn’t exactly make things better.  

Yesterday, she had been a mess. She could barely remember what has happened after Regina broke up with her. It was a mess of emotions and thinking back all she could remember was pain. She knew that she had taken her anger out on the trash cans by the bus stop. She can vaguely remember her sister driving her home, and she knew that she had shut herself into her bedroom and refused to talk to anyone. She also knew her sister had respected that she needed space, even if Emma had left the bathroom door unlocked.

Emma knew she was mess, she had cried herself to sleep, and she had snuck downstairs and eaten the full carton of Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream that she had hidden away for moments like this. She wondered if it always felt like this when you’re in love. She also didn’t know if it made it better or worse that she knew, deep down, that nothing that happened was Regina’s choice. It was clear to her that Regina was scared of something. That she was hiding from something. And Emma didn’t want to give up on her, but she also knew that pushing Regina now would lead to more damage. Emma hadn’t known Regina for very long, but she _knew_ Regina. She knew Regina like the back of her hand, she knew that when she got scared she pushed people away, she knew that she loved fiercely and without holding back, but she was also very sparse about whom she opened herself up to. She didn’t trust easily, and she carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.

But she also knew that Regina despised chocolate based ice-cream and was much more likely to order vanilla than something fancy, she knew that Regina preferred Coke over Pepsi, but Pepsi Max over Diet Coke, she knew the curves of her body, and she knew that riding Rocinante was probably her favorite thing in the world. She knew all of it, and she wasn’t willing to let go of any of it. She would figure out what Regina was so damn scared of, and she would fight it. Emma had never looked upon herself as the Savior type, but if the situation called for it she assumed she could find a borrowed armor somewhere.

Emma was shook from her thoughts by the sound of someone knocking on her door, and her sister’s calm voice, “Are you ready to talk?”

“Kinda, come in.” Emma answered. She knew she had hid away for too long already and that both her sister and her dad were probably worried about her. It had been a long time since Emma had shut herself in like this, but at least she hadn’t run away. She knew she probably needed to go and see Archie. Even if she didn’t feel like running she always felt better after talking to him, and she needed to talk to someone who was on the outside of everything. But first, she knew she had to talk to her sister.

She had wanted to do so the day before, but she hadn’t been ready. She hadn’t quite known how to put her feelings into thoughts yet, she still wasn’t sure. But she felt clearer today. Yesterday everything had just been a blur of anger and red. She had needed the silence and solitude she had been granted. She had needed to figure out what she felt on her own and figure out where to go next. She needed to figure out if Regina was something she was willing to fight for, even with Regina pushing her away. And she knew now, she knew that walking away from Regina was not something she was willing to do. Not yet, anyway. Not before she found the truth. She had no ideas about forever when it came to Regina, they were still kids. But she also knew that she wasn’t willing to let this be the end, not like this. If they ended, Emma wanted it to be their choice. And right now, Emma knew that this situation they were currently in was neither hers nor Regina’s choice.

“Are you okay?” was the first words that came out of Mary Margaret’s mouth as she entered Emma’s room.

“No.” Emma answered honestly.

“What happened?” Mary Margaret asked as she moved to sit down next to Emma on the bed. Emma was still in her PJ’s, despite the clock on her nightstand showing a bright red 12:28. The idea of getting dressed had just seemed too much for her that morning. She was pretty sure she would spend the entire weekend in her PJs. It was comfort in them. Familiarity.

“She broke up with me.” Emma said.

“What?” Mary Margaret asked, “Why? You seemed so happy. Did something happen that you didn’t tell me about?!”

“That’s the thing. We were happy. I know we were, and I know she was. And I know she wants to be with me.”

“Then why did she break up with you?” Mary Margaret asked, clearly confused. Emma couldn’t blame her, she was confused herself. The whole situation was mess, and maybe Emma should have expected it when she got involved with Regina. Regina had warned her after all. She knew of her past. She knew everything that had happened with Fiona. She knew her mother wouldn’t approve. But plenty of people were out in High School but not at home. Something had shifted overnight for Regina, and Emma just wanted to know why. And if it was her mother that forced her to do this, why hadn’t Regina just told her the truth? There was so much about this whole situation that made zero sense to Emma.

“I honestly don’t know,” Emma admitted, “She seemed so determined, but she fell apart and it was clear she felt like breaking up with me was the only thing she could do. I don’t know what or who made her feel that way, but I’m going to find out.” Emma felt more determined than she had all morning. Yesterday had been a mess; she had been a mess of conflicting emotions. Today, things were a little clearer. She was still a mess, her heart was broken after all, but she had regained a sense of determination. She needed to figure this thing out.

“Look, I get you want answers.” Mary Margaret said, “But I’m worried the answers you find won’t be the ones you want.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Emma said, “I just have to know, you know? One day we were so happy. Maybe the happiest I’ve ever been, and then in the blink of an eye it’s over with some bullshit explanation about how she isn’t good enough for me and how we should break up now because she is leaving in a couple of months anyway.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” Mary Margaret said, and Emma could tell that she was worried about her.

“I know,” Emma said, “But the thing is, I’m already hurt. So it doesn’t really matter at this point does it?” Emma could feel the tears are threating to make an appearance again. She didn’t want them to. Emma hated crying, hated feeling that vulnerable.

“I know.” Mary Margaret said, and pulled Emma into a hug. “The first one always hurts the most.”

“It’s not like I thought it would last forever.” Emma sniffled, “I’m not even seventeen yet. But I didn’t expect _this_ either.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to tell you.” Mary Margaret said, not letting go of Emma. Her sister’s arms felt safe to Emma, one of the few places that ever really had.

“I’ll be okay.” Emma said, and reluctantly let go of her sister and breaking the hug. She couldn’t hide away in the safety of those arms forever, no matter how much she might want to.

“You sure?” Mary Margaret asked.

“Yes.” Emma said, “I’m a survivor, am I not?” The bitterness in her voice surprised even her. She knew she had scars from growing up in the foster system, scars from being tossed aside and discarded like she was nothing. She just hadn’t expected those feelings to come back now. She probably should have.

“Are you going to see Archie?” Mary Margaret asked carefully, clearly not wanting to offend Emma or make her think that she couldn’t handle it on her own.

“I’m calling him later today.” Emma admitted, “I realize I need to talk this out with someone who has no interest in the outcome. I need to be able to…” grieve, process, rage? Emma wasn’t quite sure what she needed, but she knew she needed something. And Archie was always good to throw things at. He had been on the other side of some of Emma’s worst breakdowns and had taken both her anger and her sadness without any sort of judgment at all.

“Good.” Mary Margaret said, “I have a match in an hour, are you good to be alone?”

“I think so.” Emma said, “I’ll come over to the school if I feel like I need people or even Granny’s.” Emma wasn’t sure what she needed right now, if she wanted to just disappear into a crowd, or if she needed to be alone. To think some more.

“Good. I’m going to get ready and then leave. Call me if you need me. I’ll have my phone on until the match and then...”

“Relax, double M. I’ll be fine.” Emma managed to force a smile. She loved that her sister cares about her; it was nice to know that someone always had her back. But Emma could handle thing on her own, she had learned pretty early that she could handle most things in life on her own if she had to.

“You know where to find me.” Mary Margaret said, and left Emma alone in her bedroom with her thoughts.  She just wanted to figure out what happened, what changed, it was like the thought had manifested in her mind and she would not let it go until she knew the truth.

She grabbed her phone and sent off a text to Graham that simple said, “Do you know?”

It was barely thirty seconds later her phone pinged with an answer, “Know what? Did something happen?” Emma groaned a little in disappointment, she had hoped Regina had confined in her best friend. Had hoped Regina had fallen apart and told Graham everything. It would have made all of this a lot easier. She knew how to break Graham; he was easy because he just wanted everyone to be happy all the time. He was the ultimate knight in shining armor.

“It doesn’t matter. Talk to Regina.” Emma sent back, not wanting to get into this with Graham right now. She didn’t really want to talk about it with someone else at all. She had told her sister because it was a necessity. Mary Margaret wouldn’t have left if she didn’t talk to Emma. Emma was just glad that Mary Margaret’s match was a late one or else she would have woken Emma earlier.

Everything had happened so fast and it had just been a whirlwind of emotions since then, anger and hate, misery and sadness, brief moment of hopefulness when she realized that this wasn’t Regina’s idea, that Regina was messed up about this too. But it never lasted long, because it didn’t really matter the reason behind it. Because she loved Regina, and Regina had broken her heart, and it made her so mad. Because she didn’t let people in, and she had with Regina, and Regina had betrayed that trust by throwing them away when things got hard.

She thought back to yesterday and how horrifying it had been, how heartbreaking. It was just so unexpected, and that was what threw her the most. She had finally reached a place when she no longer expected to be thrown away, where she had started to feel secure. And then it had all fallen apart like that. So she wanted to know the reason, but she wasn’t sure she could forgive Regina for breaking that trust and ruining that safety she had just gotten used to feeling. She was so mad at Regina, but she loved her so much. She never knew she could love someone in that way, so entirely different from how she loved her family and Ruby. Something so unexpected. Everything about Regina had been unexpected really, everything from her friendship to how it felt to touch her. To be with her. She just loved her, and now she was so broken.

It hadn’t felt close to this with Fiona. Sure, it had been new and wonderful, and kissing her had made all her doubts about being gay fade away because it felt right in a way that kissing boys never had.

Fiona. Fiona. A memory flicker before her eyes about seeing Fiona yesterday. Maybe there was someone else that Regina had confined in. Graham was her best friend, but Fiona knew sides of Regina that she had never showed anyone else. They had a bond that Emma was jealous of and at the same time completely understood. Maybe Regina had told Fiona, maybe Fiona had forced it out of her. Maybe. Maybe. It was worth a chance wasn’t it?

She reached for her phone again, she had thrown to the other side of the bed after realizing that Graham would be of no help to her in this situation.

“Look, I’m just going to ask. Do you know why?” Emma texted. Simple and too the point. She wasn’t even sure if she expected a reply. She and Fiona weren’t friends, not really. They’d hung out a handful of times since they broke up, more for Regina’s benefit than anything else. Emma wanted them to reform their friendship, as for Emma herself, she didn’t mind spending time with her ex-girlfriend, and things had turned out like they were supposed to. Or had they? Emma wasn’t sure anymore. But still, she had conflicting feelings over Fiona, feelings that were stronger and more convincing without Regina in the picture, when she knew she wouldn’t kiss Regina again, when all she had was her memories.

She was angry. It was clear to her, she was angry and conflicted, and she just wanted to know the truth. She wanted to know what changed. She wanted to be happy again, most of all she wanted to go back to yesterday before everything changed, when she was still blissfully unaware of the heartache Regina was about to deal.

Her phone beeped.

“Can you meet me? 30 minutes. At Tiana’s place?” The message from Fiona was short, and Emma knew it meant that Fiona knew what had happened. Maybe she could get some answers after all.

“Sure. “ Emma said, and dragged herself out of bed.

xxx

“Hi, thanks for meeting me.” Fiona said as soon as Emma entered Tiana’s place and saw Fiona. It was practically empty this time of day, not quite the lunch rush, not time for dinner yet. Emma sat down opposite of Fiona.

Fiona had chosen a table along the big windows, and Emma felt scarily exposed but not enough to ask Fiona if they could move further in. Besides, there was nobody here. Emma could hear who she assumed was Tiana and her husband, moving around in the kitchen, and a girl that Emma thought had graduated Storybrooke High a couple of years ago was waitressing.

“You know then?” Emma said, deciding to just skip the small talk. She wasn’t really in the mood for that.

“It’s not really my place to tell you, Emma.” Fiona tried, but Emma saw right through her. She and Fiona might not be close friends, and their relationship wasn’t one for the history books though Emma would probably always remember Fiona as her first girlfriend, but she knew that Fiona wouldn’t have agreed to meet her if she didn’t intend on telling her anything.

“Bullshit.” Emma said, “Look, I’m here and I need some answers and you seem to be the only one able or willing to give me any.”

“She’s doing this for you, Emma.” Fiona said, her eyes soft and her voice empathetic, “Or at least she thinks she is.”

“She broke my heart for my sake? She lied to me for my sake?” Emma tried to keep herself from getting angry, from raising her voice and making a scene. The place might be pretty empty, but she didn’t feel like airing her dirty laundry among everyone anyway.

“She has her reasons, Emma.” Fiona said, “And sooner or later, she’ll realize those reasons are bullshit and she’ll read you in.” Fiona took a deep breath, “There are things about Regina’s life that she doesn’t share with people. There are fears and nightmares you’ll only know if you happen to catch them. Regina runs like no one I have ever known.”

“But she knows she can trust me.” Emma said, feeling like someone hit her in the gut. She has shared parts of herself with Regina that no one other than Ruby and her sister has ever seen. She let Regina see the most vulnerable, broken parts of herself and she had thought Regina had done the same to her. She had seen her scars and she had heard her stories, and she had felt like they’d connected unlike anything she had ever felt before.

She knew there were things that Regina kept hidden, squared away in little boxes to never be spoken about. She still didn’t know exactly what had gone down with Regina and Graham or why Graham seemingly blamed Killian for it. She knew there were parts of last spring that Regina kept from her and that Graham let her. She knew that Regina had more scars than the ones that Emma kissed or could see.

“It isn’t about trusting you, Emma.” Fiona said, her voice filled with such understanding that Emma wasn’t sure whether she wanted Fiona to reach out to comfort her or if she wanted to hit her. “It’s about Regina trusting herself. It’s about Regina being scared of the world, it’s about Regina never knowing what safe ground feels like. I don’t know if you’ve ever met Regina’s mom, but growing up under Cora Mills’ roof was no picnic.”

“I met her. Once.” Emma said, remembering the cold feeling she had felt when she met Cora and when she saw the way she talked to Regina and how Regina reacted to her mother. She remembers scars on Regina’s body that Regina probably didn’t put there herself. She remembers stories from when she was little and she remembers the cold surface of a flat hand on more than one occasion.

She was pretty certain there was more than one reason why Regina was so adamant about her mother not finding out she’s gay, and she was also pretty certain none of them included her college tuition, no matter what Regina told her.

“Then you know.” Fiona said, “Look, I don’t agree with what Regina did. I tried to convince her to let you in, to not run away from this, from you.”

Fiona paused, and Emma could tell that Fiona knew more than what she was willing to share. That even this little meeting probably went beyond what Fiona was comfortable in telling Emma without breaking Regina’s trust. But Emma could also tell that Fiona wanted Emma to know. Wanted her to know that there was still hope, not to give up, to fight for her.

“She can’t see it now.” Fiona said, “She’s too scared. To stuck in her old patterns, she thinks she has to do this alone. You need to show her that she can’t.”

“How?” Emma said, “She broke up with me remember?”

“Don’t let her shut you out, Emma.” Fiona said, “She needs to know that you’re there. Even if that means being her friend, even if that means not seeing her outside of school hours. Let her know that giving up on this won’t bring anyone any good.”

“I don’t know if I can.” Emma admitted, “I’m not very good at this either.” Emma admitted. She and Regina were similar in so many ways, Emma ran just like Regina did. She didn’t believe that people would ever offer her something without strings. She didn’t trust easily and even now, when she knew that Regina had her reasons for breaking her heart, even now with Fiona sitting across her and telling her to fight, Emma was mad. She was furious at Regina for putting her in this situation, for playing her like that. It felt like so much of the progress she had made this last year. By letting Regina in, by letting Graham in, even in letting Fiona in in the degree she had was wasted. But Regina had proved her right, right? Trusting people meant that you gave them more ammo to hurt you.

Regina knew the darkest parts of her, the ones that still cried over being left behind, the parts of her that still believed she was unlovable, because if she was lovable why did her birth parents just leave her on the side of the road? Why wasn’t she at the very least worth enough to be left at a hospital or a church instead of on the side of the road like some piece of trash? Regina had seen these parts of Emma and she had shed some light on them in ways no one had ever done before.

Emma realized that that was because Regina too had darkness in her. Places in her heart, blackened and closed off to the world. Regina had shed light on Emma’s darkness because she knew how it felt, but she hadn’t let Emma shine light on hers. There were parts of Regina that Emma didn’t know; parts that Regina chose to keep a secret. Emma had never felt like Regina was hiding from her, but rather that she didn’t want to accept that anyone could ever love the dark parts of her.

“I know.” Fiona said, “I know this is hard for you. But she needs you. She doesn’t know it yet. But she does. She was a mess before, Emma. A beautiful, wonderful, sometimes terrible and mostly broken mess. I’m not saying you fixed her but she opened up to you. Let the world see parts of her she had tried so hard to ignore. She was happy for the first time in years.”

“Nobody is happy now are they?” Emma said, slightly bitter. Bitter because she needed Regina too. She didn’t even realize how much until Regina broke up with her. How important Regina had become to her life. It had barely been twenty four hours and Emma already felt the loss in her very bones. She knew that was dangerous. She hadn’t expected it, certainly not planned for it. But one day, Regina Mills had wormed her way into her heart and her life, and just the very thought of her not being there was shattering her.

“Maybe I’m asking the impossible of you, Emma. I don’t know.” Fiona says, “I just know what happens if we give up on her now. If we let her believe she did the right thing. Not only will she fly back into the closet and glue the door shut, but she will shut herself out from the world, from everyone. She thinks she is better off alone. She thinks that by letting people in, she is putting them at risk. I can’t tell you everything. There are too many promises I have to keep, to many secrets I swore I’d never tell. But believe me when I say this: if you decide that you can’t keep fighting, that this is too painful, too hard, Regina will disappear. And I know, that putting this on you is unfair.” Fiona paused, “But I also know that she’s worth it.”

“No one can save her if she insists on doing this, Fiona.” Emma said, “Trust me, I’ve spent way to many hours in therapy to believe that if I just try hard enough I can change other people.”

“I’m not asking you to save her.” Fiona says, “I’m asking you to do what I couldn’t. I’m asking you not to give up her like I did.” Fiona’s voice was filled with regret, and Emma could tell that the things that happened and the distance it had created between Regina and Fiona had left its scars on Fiona as well. Emma had never really thought about Fiona in the whole mess.  

“You’re not the only one whose heart Regina broke, Emma.” Fiona said, “I might never have been in love with her, but she was my best friend and she turned me away. Shut me down.  Called me horrible things and made me believe she didn’t love me anymore because I was gay. And it was horrible, and I walked away.”

“You were hurt.” Emma said.

“I should have known better.” Fiona said, “I knew Regina. I knew she didn’t mean a word she said, I knew she was torn up inside and I just watched her walk away. She was my best friend and I gave up on her.

Emma realized in that moment when Fiona was trying to do. What this whole thing was about. Why she had allowed herself to break whatever promises she’d made to Regina about the break up and why she was so insistent on Emma not giving up. Because she was felt guilty about doing the same, she regretted all the years she and Regina spent apart because she couldn’t or wouldn’t see through Regina’s mask. Fiona had given up on Regina and regretted it every day since and she didn’t want Emma to do the same.

“I don’t know what to do.” Emma said honestly, “I love her. And I don’t want to lose her. But how do I fight for someone who doesn’t want me to win?”

“Just don’t let her do this.” Fiona said, “She needs you.”

“I think she needs both of us.” Emma said, and the future that has seemed so bleak yesterday, seemed to be lightning up just a little. There was clearly a long road ahead, but Emma Swan-Blanchard was nothing if not a fighter.

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to my beta Jennifer (iFlipForRizzles)


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